in love but no ring yet...

edited January 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
Me and my boyfriend are expecting our first child in June. We are both madly in love, living together, and happier than ever for our child... but he hasn't proposed. I know he wants to but wont be financially able till May. The fact that he hasn't proposed doesn't bother me, its the fact that im already getting judgement from people and by may I will be huge and don't want even more judgment from random people when they see a baby bump and no sparkle on my left hand. I thought about a fake ring till he proposes but I don't want to insult him. Anybody else going through this or have advice? Katie
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Comments

  • Been there ,,, but the #1 rule is dont care what they think,, u know whats going on and for #2 when ur prego ur fingers swell so I cant even ware my wedding rings an ive only been married for 6 months an now im 15 weeks,,, so u can just tell them people they dont fit ,,,
  • My wedding rings haven't fit since my first pregnancy. I've gotten funny looks from people who don't know I'm not married (especially since I have 3 kids and another on the way). But, honestly, it doesn't matter what people think. It's your body, your life, your relationship and your child. Anyone who feels the need to judge that isn't worth being around.
  • I have to agree with the others. Don't worry about what others think. When the time is right u'll get that ring. :)
  • Thanks y'all but thats sometimes easier said than done. I don't know why it bothers me so much but it does. I know I should just realize this blessing I've been given and be thankful but when the dirty looks are coming from people I work with, look up to, from church, or even family, it eats at me to the point where I think eeeeeverybody I pass is thinking bad on me.
  • I got engaged 2yo.my husband 3 weeks before baby was.due, I was.19 n got judged all the time but honestly people don't look at your rying they don't care they just look at you. I'm pregnant with my 3rd been married 2 yrs now n unless I'm out with my husband I still get looks I'm 23 now, all my friends atte the same some it affects, some have learnt to ignore it anyway all the best to you xo
  • Just put a ring on a necklace and ware it,, that way ur not liein or making ur bf upset, just say its fashon, ad to the otjers it doesnt fit,,, an it will calm down the looks u may get,, but then u maythink that everyone is lookin at ur boobs..lol just tryin to help
  • That's a good idea with the necklace. And people can look at the girls all they want, not my fault they blossomed to go toe to toe with dolly parton :D
  • Kmommy. I was a similar position we we're in love and broke up for 2 weeks then we found out we were expecting. My family is very religious so the question was when are we getting married. We had our son in december of 2008 and we got engaged on st pattys day of 2009. It will happen just have faithwoth no pressure :)
  • I have the same issue! I think of it as, if he doesn't wanna marry me now will he ever? This is a tough experience to go thru. I get that money is tight, but its looking more like an excuse. Especially because my boyfriend hasn't bought one single thing for the baby & its due in march. Me & my family have bought everything so far.
  • I actually have overheard him talking to friends. Just because we got pregnant before we got married he doesn't want that to mean he has to jeopardize getting me the ring I truly want. But the fact that he hasn't proposed doesn't bother me. Its just the judgement from people
  • 1. I have been w my dh for 10.5 years married for half of that. I hardly ever wear my rings due to swelling and discomfort.
    2. If the concern is money- engagements only cost as much as you let them. I worked in a high end jewelry store when I got engaged and married so I understand the pressures to have a big rock, but the point of marriage is to show your love and commitment for each other. So if a small ring is a deal breaker I would say your already in trouble. My opinion what could be better than your babys birthstone. Assuming your dd works for that or just a simple band.
    3. Don't get married because society says you have to.
    Good luck in what ever you decided.
  • I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. He never proposed but his family is kind of insisting we get married before we have this baby. I'm not upset by this, but I already get judgmental looks because I'm 26 *27 next month* but my face looks about 19. Don't let other people bother you. It's your baby and your relationship.
  • I'm not married either, but I have a ring on my necklace. It makes me feel a bit better, but at the end of the day someone will judge you. Just remember...
    "Those that care, don't matter. Those that matter, don't care!"
  • Who cares what anyone else thinks? They have no right to judge. I've been with my bf for only 6 months. Who cares what people think or say, its your life not theirs, be proud of who you are and what you're doing.

    I went to dinner with my bf and when the server was pressuring wine and drinks on me, I told him I was pregnant...I felt it rude for him to say first that I wasn't showing...well no shit sherlock, still can't have wine!
    then he asked how long we've been married, we both looked at him shocked he would even ask such a thing! Assuming and judging like he was! My bf almost told him something like "oh I'm not the baby daddy, I'm just her boyfriend" or something, just to get him riled up and weirded out.

    Point is: its none of their business to judge or assume ... you are who you are and are happy with it and no one should dampen that.
  • Don't let other ppl get to u. As long as the three of u r happy then that's all that matters.
    And trust me I understand what ur going through. My bf and I r totally in love but not engaged either and I don't think he has any intention of getting married. He had just finalized a really rough divorce when we started dating and I think that totally put him off the whole idea of marriage. Although his mother is pushing the issue just because of the baby and that is just making him even more marriage phobic. And I've been getting the same looks from ppl, its hard but I've mostly learned to ignore them. Cause both of us r thrilled to be having our first child and in love and that's really all that matters.
  • when pregos get bigger they stop wearing thier rings cuz it cant fit...happened to me. married for 4 years and with my first kid I never wore my ring except around my neck...yea people stared but I was proud for what I had...a bundle of joy inside me!!! greatest luck girl :)
  • edited February 2011
    My first marriage I was pregnant and pressured into marrying the father I was 8months pregg none of my family was present we had 2 more kids...lets just say the marriage didnt work out so well. We were never really in love just friends that slept together...I have been with to the father of this baby for 3 years I have never been so inlove with someone but I have no plans of marrying him anytime soon especially while im preggo...
  • Hunnie, its your life, and all that matters is you are happy. Only god can judge you and shame on those who take it upon themselves. I was 5 months pregnant when my hubby and I got married and we got wal mart rings. I haven't worn mine for about 2 years do to swelling. I ended up buying a ring I really like that fits and is my hubbys birthstone. I wear it as my wedding ring most of the time. Life will go on and your gonna look back and think pft who cares anymore......
  • Give him time ur not alone I havent prposed to my gf yet but I plan on it I just dont want people to think that im only marring her cause I got her prego (worst judgement) give him time and be understanding
  • I agree with @Daddyslittlekairi. The worst judgment is from people thinking the only reason you're engaged/married is due to your unborn baby. I'm not married, nor do I plan on even contemplating the thought for a very long time. Things just happened out of (society's standard of) order. I'm not phased by it. It's 2011 for goodness sake.
  • People that are like that are just about "status" you don't need a ring to show other people how much you love each other. If people give you a problem about it tell them your just preparing for the baby first, planning a wedding would just be to much right now mentally, financially and physically (my mom is having me in her wedding a month after I'm due :/ ) but even if they act weird, just ignore it. People like to get in peoples businesses, the ring means nothing. Love is stronger than anything :)
  • 36 weeks pregnant and still... no... ring. :( what has officially made me mad now is that he asked my dad for his permission... 2 months ago! He asked the day before we left for our babymoon at the beach. Of course my parents were expecting me to come home with a ring. Nada. Now im less than a month from having our son and he still hasn't asked. My parents are pissed, my brothers are getting annoyed, and even im starting to think "what the hell?!" Why can't he just ask me??? He doesn't even have to have a ring! I just want him to ask me! .
  • Tell him that, then. He might be afraid to ask you without the ring and he might be saving up.
  • I must say a ring is nothing but a piece of metal and marriage is just a piece of paper... really if u want to be engaged how picky r u being? Do u expect him to caugh out $1000s and waste it on a stupid ring or get u something cheap for now and spend the rest on baby n get something nicer in a few years. That adds a lot of stress on men when women arnt willing to comprise ...
  • Me and my Bf have our 20 month old son and I'm 20 weeks pregnant and we really love eachother and want to get married, but financially it is just not possible. From my son I had a lot of people judging me and telling me I should make him marry me, but its our lives screw what people say or think!!! They don't know what we go through and they don't pay our bills, so I'm patiently waiting I know it'll happen when the time is right =) he's been recently talking a lot about us getting married in a cruise this year before our baby girl is born so I'm gonna wait and see! Don't be impatient! Give him time to be ready! Who knows maybe he's planning something already and its just a surprise ;)
  • Me and my bf are happy and expecting our first in 8 weeks... I wear a ring on my finger but I always have. I have always had jobs where if I wasn't wearing it I would get hit on, so I wear it constantly. It is a ring I got from my bf and he is cool with it. He also knew that I felt uncomfy not being married, but basically told me that we still have awhile to go before we get married.... but congrats on the baby and early congrats for when you get proposed too :)
  • I had my baby a week ago. Me and bd aren't married it engaged and I don't think that's a problem. We'll do it if n when were ready, though bd does keep joking that we might aswell do it when we go to register lil man's birth to which I say that had better not be his idea of a proposal lol. Nowadays marriage n kids don't go hand in hand like they used to. Nobody has the right to judge you for what you have, haven't, will or won't be doing so try not to worry about it.
  • *Arent married OR Engaged even. stupid phone!
  • People are going to talk about you whether you're pregnant and married or pregnant out of wed lock. It doesn't matter whether you're doing something the right way or not, people are going to have something to say. It such a shame that people can find faults in everyone elses situation but they don't see their own flaws. He'll ask u when the time is right, just be patient and f*** what everyone else has to say about you being pregnant and not married!! :-)
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