talking of split custody and only five weeks prego

panaceaCpanaceaC
edited February 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
My ex bf of the past three years just broke up and guess what you guess it I realized I was pregnant. At first he wanted me to abort it because we are not on great terms and yeah it is a bad situation to bring a baby into. But this is the second pregnancy with him and the first I did abort. I have never felt so bad in my life. My baby's bday would have been thanksgiving day 2009 and everytime I see a baby the same age I feel like screaming. So I told him no I would go it alone and have it. He seems to be angry that I would suggest he won't be involved and wants me to tell him how we are gonna split custody. I am confused we have plenty of time and he goes from wanting me to get rid of it to being a completely involved dad? Any suggestions would be helpful.

Comments

  • dobiemommadobiemomma
    See if there is a single moms counseling/support group located by u. Even check with ur local court house if they can recommend a group or someone. Worst resort is an attorney to give u the legal aspects but its costly. If u have to go that road then u have to, but first see if there's anyone else u could talk with. Just try and be strong, keep ur head up and what ever happens will hopefully be for a good out come for u and baby!
  • bettybetty
    If his gonna be a jerk i would suggest NOT to put his name on birth cerrficate... His only using you and when he gets a prize (bby) his a coward. US mommies are stronger than men and WE CAN succeed in life without them. You go on and have your baby, show him your capable of raising a kid without him....And about custody, its too early for that. He might change his mind and be a responsible daddy once bby arrives!! Good Luck!!
  • dobiemommadobiemomma
    @betty I agree about not putting his name on the birth cert. If things drasticly change u can always latter in life go back n add his name if needed.
  • 2ndtimearound2ndtimearound
    So sorry ur going thru such a difficult situation. I had a similar sit with my son's father. Only we ended up back together when my son was born. I think we were so overcome with the joy and love for our child we tried to make it work. It didnt we split up 4.months later, & he started taking my son a few weeks later for visitation. It was so painful having my son away frim me overnite. If i could go back i would only let him take him for a few hours a few days a week. I think it was hard for my son to be seperated from me at 4 months. When he got a little bigger he would cry when his dad took him, and his dad was very loving with him, but he just didnt want to be separated from me.

  • magcawmagcaw
    I am the only person in my family to have known my father. Every single one of my siblings (and my mother, who also never knew her father) has had major issues and feelings of anger and worthlessness as a result. If the dad wants to be involved (and isn't going to put the child in danger, of course) I think it's worth trying. When my husband and his ex-wife split she tried to keep their son away from him because she was angry; it took time and a lot of effort (and restraint, because it was an ugly break-up), but they both realized that the only person being hurt by their crap was their son. The most important thing to remember is that whatever is between the two of you is secondary to what is best for your child. If he wants to be involved you'd be doing your baby a disservice by not allowing it, and you'd probably have to prove him unfit in court to be able to bar him from being around, anyway. You have time to work on your relationship and get it to the point where you can be ok enough to communicate-you should make the most of it. Good luck with whatever you decide.
  • Boho_ChicBoho_Chic
    You should check into whether or not your state is a womans choice despite. I know where I live regaurdless of if the fathers name is on the certificate the baby is awarded to the mother. And with the name on the certificate it makes child support court go by like a breeze. Judges usually rulein womens favor. Especially if fathers are in the rearrage. They figure workingfathers won't have enough time for sufficient parenting timethey also consider their household bills. A father with high expenses and low income makesyour case lookbetter, even if your not working.aslong as you sufficiently take care ofchild emotionally,mentally,and physically(to yourbest ability)don't worry. Unless heBill Gates, or Jay Z I would not worry. And pleasedont worry. What you need right now is rest and positivity. Worry about this later. You gotnine months and nothing canbedone aboutthis untilbaby gets here. Tell him to back off, your trying to bring a healthy baby intothis world. You need to be stress freethis earlyon.you have enough pregnancy symptoms to look forward to. Good luck to you, don't be discouraged!
  • Boho_ChicBoho_Chic
    Btw, he can be involved without having custody. There is power in child custody. Especially in the situationof a split, but please don't use the baby asa pawn, its not right.
  • panaceaCpanaceaC
    Thanks I have a daughter from my previous marriage and I never had this prob because she was older when we split and he rarely sees he because he lives so far away. I just can't see how he can suggest splitting up custody from day one I never took my daughter out of the house unless she had a Dr appt the first two months I am afraid he will want the baby early on and I won't be able to each over my little one
  • dobiemommadobiemomma
    @panaceaC everybody has some good suggestions and tips, but in the end u know what's right for u and baby. Like most have said, relax for now, and when the baby gets here then deal with it. Good luck and god bless
  • IsItFallYetIsItFallYet
    At least he wants to be involved in his childs life rather than hit the road completely. My bro and his gf had broken up when she found out she was pregnant. Im pretty sure they hate eachother but he loves his daughter very much. Gets her about every other weekend or if shes going to be gone a few days or something. His daughter is about the only thing hes sweet and adoring of. And my side of the family love whenever we can see her.
    At least he wants to know his kid and is thinking of ways to be in their life.
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