Since when was dumb*** a symptom of pregnancy?

MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
edited February 2011 in Pregnant
This girl (Raquel) was good friends with my Fiance/Baby daddy, before I came along. She works with him. But she was really obsessive once I came around. I told him I didn't want him talking to her because she would purposely try to upset me. Like txt him at 3am and stuff like that. I had him switch his number. So he gets a txt late at night and it's a random number that goes straight to conversation, meaning he knew who it was. But he plays dumb, and I find out it's her. So New Years she shows up at our house at 4am trying to fight me?! I go balistic! I was pregnant, didn't know. Anyways she wouldn't fight me afterall and leaves. Don't hear from her ever again. Then there's another girl (Nicole) she was nice when I met her. Brief hey and introduction. Nothing special. Well she also works with my Fiance. As far as I knew she was just a girl he worked with, nobody special. I'm not the jealous type, so okay cool. He had been txting her yesterday and he deleted the txt so I can't say what was said. Anyways I mentioned her name and his family replies "oh Nicole who?". I tell them and they FLIP. I have no idea what's going on. Turns out my Fiance was obsessed with her before I came along. He would spend his whole check on her and take her out 24/7! I had no idea. Now I feel stupid. He always comments her facebook, but I thought she was just a friend so I thought nothing of it. It's not flirty post, he just always makes it a point to say something in reply to her updates. Then, he tells his family..."I told Molly that Nicole and I had a "thing", she just forgot because she's pregnant." What the hell, just because I'm pregnant with an idiots child, doesn't mean I become an automatic retard. He also was gone from 8am to 1:30pm. Claims he had "school". He's never gone for more than an hr and 30 minutes. 5 freakin hours? When he hugged me when he came back, (this was before I found out anything) he smelled like a womans must....

Btw I moved to Tx from Cali to be with him, all my family is in Cali. I just have him, his family and our baby. Ive kicked him out of our room for 2 weeks and demanded he change his job and ways or he will never know his baby.

Overreacting?

Comments

  • Momma2joeMomma2joe
    Id say if he's a cheater changing his job isn't going to stop that. Im not the jealous type either but if my husband was talking to another women and deleted it so I couldn't read it he had better been planning a big surprise for me!!!! I won't overlook the clear signs!!!! I would go visit my home in cali if I were you. You can't make someone change no since in trying. He has to do that on his own. If he truly loved you he wouldn't be hurting you. I wouldn't say he would never know his baby though thats not fair to the baby. However i wouldn't waste me time with someone that can't stand behind his commitments. I would tell him he made his choice and id keep him posted and let him know when his baby was born. May seem harsh to some people but im not one that will wait around for someone to change and then live my life wondering if they are cheating! Good luck!
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    I'm the same way. But I have no proof of him actually cheating. I don't think he's cheating, I think he's hanging out with someone I don't like. But still, he's being dishonest. He has two weeks or I'm gone. Thanks<3
  • magcawmagcaw
    I'm with momma2joe, I wouldn't wait around for him to change his ways either, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. If he's not cheating now, he's at least being dishonest and that is a slippery slope. I wouldn't withhold your child from him, tho--how he treats you may be shitty but that has no bearing on his relationship with his baby and you'd be doing the baby a disservice (unless he's abusive).
  • Momma2joeMomma2joe
    edited February 2011
    Well if you truly don't think he's cheating don't stress yourself over who he chooses to be friends with. If you don't want him hanging out with this girl you should only have to say that once. There's no 2 weeks needed. Id give him one conversation..... that's it! If there's nothing going on it shouldn't take him 2 weeks to end it. However trust is the most important part of a healthy relationship. So I still wouldn't make him change jobs. Just tell him you would rather him not talk to or hang out with her. Then trust that he will do as you ask. If you find out he didn't stop at least you can say he had his chance. Still no reason he should be deleting things so you can't see what was said..... again good luck I wish you the best!
  • jcmommyjcmommy
    I usually am all for "making it work" through hard times but if you got girls coming over wanting to fight and have to constantly worry about these other females then I say maybe he's not worth the stress. Those ladies are not going to keep pursuing him unless he wasnt showing that he's interested also. You can sit it out until after baby is born, maybe he'll change his ways but always think about what you're going to do if it doesn't work. Always have a back up plan.
  • caroline8_pcaroline8_p
    @MiricalM2B Oh lord.. ok my boyfriend moved here to tx from ny to be with me last july. We ended up moving to my cousins after her beggginh and she offered me a job. Then he worked at wal mart. One day I came home early and we went shopping, he got a call that he didn't answer from a girl I did not know. I immediatlu got silently pissed and was 'done shopping'. She called at a time I woild have still been at work. So I immediately didn't like her. Well we worked opposite hours, me 9a- 6p and him 4p-1a. Sometimes id see he would get tect from her, they seemed like a normal convo. So I just stuck with I didn't like her. I didn't wanna say he couldn't have girls for friends. Mind you, he didn't kniw anyone when he moved here. We had the same phone, that's how we met, so I checked it sometimes. Nothing suspecious. Then one day they weren't friends on fb anymore. He said sge got weird or whatever, I never belueved that damn lie. All this happened from sept-nov I think. So a couple weeks ago I made him tell me. He cheated, not a little bit but the whole 9 yards. For what I day is 2 months. I was so pissed, but I'm staying with him. Thry 'broke it off' cause she wanted to be the only one, he said no and chose me. I still thinl about it and it disgusts me, but I can't change what happened. If I had known then before I was pregnant, my outcome to stay with him might be different. If you have questions or anything, just inbox my, ill be happy to help. I actually asked a friend hoe she coped and stayed with her man. Her response was amazing.
  • caroline8_pcaroline8_p
    He did all this while I was at work, and when he got off.. 'overtime' pffft. She saw hime more than I did at the time!
  • vette_devilvette_devil
    I like the definition of cheating as "doing something you would not do with your partner standing right next to you". Clear cut & simple. If he's lying to you to hang out with another woman, I would call that cheating. Most affairs start as friends & become emotional affairs before physical ones. I agree w/ momma2joe... go home to Cali & have your baby there... good luck honey; you deserve so much better & shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life wondering. <3
  • KrissMissKrissMiss
    I was with my ex for 5 years, we were inseparable.. except I too had problems with him texting random girls all the time and then deleting his inbox and outbox after I found some not so cute texts in his phone. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I lived with him and his family for most of our relationship.. not until the last year was when everything started to make sense and I found out he cheated on me (multiple times with multiple girls) during our entire relationship. I found out by getting HPV, after telling him my doctor said I randomly got it, his face dropped and guilt was allllll over it. His friends were the ones who finally broke down and told me everything. I trusted him, and was absolutely crushed when I found out all of this. Even after all that I still (like a complete dumbass) tried to maintain something with him, and a month later when he was planning his 21st bday trip to vegas, he invited everyone but me. Including some of my friends who weren't 21. When I asked him why I couldn't go, he responded "I don't want baggage in vegas". So I replied, "well now you won't have any "baggage" at all, ill have my shit packed and gone by the time your back, have a fantastic trip". And that I did.

    Long story short, becareful, cause sometimes you can't trust anyone. Best of luck to you momma!! (:
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    Wow, some of you have horrible stories. Rex, my Fiance, is very shy. Use to be the chubby nerdy white kid in school. Lol. I don't think he's cheating at all. But!! I know he lies to protect me. I know he thinks like that by not telling me, I won't get hurt. If I ever caught him cheating, I would definitely leave. He admitted he lied about txting the one girl (as friends) and also admitted he use to really like the other girl. I'm a nice person. I gave him to much space and I shouldn't have. He has a problem, he told me he use to have his own apartment. Even that was a lie. Little things to impress or "protect" me. He balled his eyes out saying I was all he ever talked about and he loves me and needs me and doesn't want me to leave with the baby or the dogs. A man who cheats or doesn't care wouldn't respond like that. I'm lost because I don't know what to think. I took his phone away, absolutely nothing has came in. and he has been with his family and hasn't been to work. So he couldn't have told anyone.
    Thanks to everyone. (':
  • caroline8_pcaroline8_p
    Just be careful. I didn't think mine was cheating. I was wrong. Now he has to regain my trust!
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    Being pregnant doesn't help at the moment. But I love my baby.
  • may1mommatobemay1mommatobe
    oh wow it sounds like you took a piece of my life story... except my b/f knew his female friend for about 3 yrs and she would do the same thing call and txt all day and all night so I said something to him about it and he said she is just a friend and that I was being childish. So I then find out she goes up to his job to visit him ( he works nights) well after that me and him argued about her. Then he ask me to block her number from calling him but I look at the phone bill and they still talk everyday she just uses her work phone or roomates phone. I don't know what to do I just kinda gave up I am 30wks+3 and I figure if they really want each other so be it ..... I can't change the situation.

    Btw I talked to her one time because she was lying on me saying I was calling people she knows and asking if they knew my bf (just to start shit between me & him). and she tells me that the only reason he blocked her # was because I made him and I shouldn't act the way I do that she was his friend before he met me and so on...... I just hung up on her.
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    @may1mommatobe,

    Wow, that's hurtful.
    It happed also with my ex. My ex, (Carlos), claimed him and this girl were just "best friends" and a week after he proposed to me he dumped me for her and for months he played me like a yoyo. I want you, no her. When I first got with the man I'm with now, Carlos had kept trying to ask for me back. Of course, I didn't go back. It hurts because it seems to happen alot to me. Guys and girl can never be just "best friends". I'm glad I know that now. I hate that other girls don't understand, bur if they were in our shoes they wouldn't appreciate it very much would they. I have no friends out here, I don't talk to anyone.
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    @may1mommatobe,

    Wow, that's hurtful.
    It happed also with my ex. My ex, (Carlos), claimed him and this girl were just "best friends" and a week after he proposed to me he dumped me for her and for months he played me like a yoyo. I want you, no her. When I first got with the man I'm with now, Carlos had kept trying to ask for me back. Of course, I didn't go back. It hurts because it seems to happen alot to me. Guys and girl can never be just "best friends". I'm glad I know that now. I hate that other girls don't understand, but if they were in our shoes they wouldn't appreciate it very much would they. I have no friends out here, I don't talk to anyone.
  • may1mommatobemay1mommatobe
    I dont talk to anyone either the girl & my bf have tried to get me to know her but I dont want to . Its like dont smile In face then fuck in my bed or atleast thats how I feel ..... Dont get me wrong I trust him & dont believe he is cheating its just I think I should be the most important female in his life & with getting fat & all the hormones it makes me that much more suspicous of the situation. What part of Tx u in?
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    @may1mommatobe,

    I live in San Antonio.

    Yeah, I understand how you feel. /:
    You're right, you should be the number one female in his life. /: Ever think about leaving him?
  • may1mommatobemay1mommatobe
    @mircalem2b Sometimes but other than this one girl we dont have problems I mean the usual arguments but no other major problems

    I stay in houston
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    @may1mommatobe,

    Well that's good, glad to hear.

    Awe Houston is far!
  • wallieheadbaby3wallieheadbaby3
    I also moved from cali to tx... I live in baytown now. I say you put a stop to it all together or leave. I personally would face to face confront her. Take someone with u if you do and if she trys to attack u she gets thrown in jail. I truly believe men and women can't just be friends... I didn't always believe this until my guy friends once they really knew there was no chance pretty much took off. You should stand up for what u feel. Be assertive. If a man thinks he can get away with it he probably will try if he knows you will not allow yourself to be treated so disrespectfully he is less likely to keep perusing a "friendship" with her. You and your lil one deserve to be #1!
  • makeup_artist_mommymakeup_artist_mommy
    i think u should move bak to cali and have him miss u and maybe move with u in cali and leave his past behind and start a new one..but no i dont think ur over reacting i would of been on the same trip too!! let me know how everything goes!!
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    Thanks girls.
    I'm real close to his family though. It makes it hard.
  • wallieheadbaby3wallieheadbaby3
    Then have his family help you. I know its hard hun.... maybe one of the hardest decisions u will ever have to make... and personally I will respect any choice u make. I just want u to really know you are worth more then how he is treating you cheating or not. Good luck to u and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. It always helps to have a strong support system outside of your current and direct situation.
  • MiracleM2BMiracleM2B
    Thank you, I definitely needed that.
    My hearts lost and hurt and confused.
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