My supposed BFF
Am I just being a total b*tch here or is this pregnancy hormones?
I'm going to make this as simple as possible so it doesn't end up like a novel. I started writing it and it was VERY long.
-My bff, we will call her Jane to make it easier, and I have been friends for 5+ years now
-I met my husband about 3 years ago and we moved south about 35 miles
-Everyone (both of our sets of friends get along great)
-By moving south and away from my group of friends, I realized how overly dramatic everything and everyone was
-My husband told me that he thinks that Jane is very selfish and only does good things for the praise received afterwards
-When I had Jane as my maid of honor I called my SIL crying because I didn't think Jane was doing anything at all, she even missed my wedding dress fitting because she went to a party the night before--I was really disappointed
-She was really excited when I told her we were having a baby and offered right then to do the baby shower
-When I hit my 3rd trimester she hadn't mentioned the baby shower, so I brought it up
-She is a HUGE procrastinator, and my hubby and I have a lot of busy friends that you have to plan things with more than a month in advance, so I offered to write out all the invites and send them out--she got very pissed off at me for this. Plus she had bought shower invites the week before without telling me and they were HIDEOUS and she was mad I didn't like them because she couldn't return them.
-A week into my 3rd trimester I was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri--a not so common, but not unheard of medical issue in pregnancy--my body is creating too much spinal fluid and there is too much pressure on my brain (like a fake tumor growing in there) and it causes severe headaches, double vision, nausea, and ringing/swooshing in my ears. I've had 4 high volume spinal taps to relieve the pressure in 6 weeks and am currently taking a class c pregnancy medication and am limited to 2-2.5quarts of liquids a day to try and manage it until baby girl is born.
-I haven't seen my best friend in two months.
-She text me drunk off her a$$ two weeks ago telling me that I was the worst best friend ever. I never ask her how she is, I never make time for her, etc.
-I ask her how she is doing all the time, invite her to come hang out all the time. I can't drive anymore since my diagnosis. My husband works nights. I don't have a lot of mobility. I've told her how lonely and sad I am down here. She always goes out and drinks or goes to a movie or something instead.
-My husbands best friend, we will call him John, and Jane were kind of an off and on thing for the last year. Jane always flirts with him, calls him when she's drunk, tells him she misses him, hangs out a lot with him, etc. Pretty much acts like his gf, but won't say it. No they don't sleep together or kiss.
-Last week he told her he misses her and he has feelings for her and when she blows him off it really hurts his feelings.
-She text me like it was funny and then said I don't know what to say. I told her she should meet up with him and tell him to his face how she feels--which was not mutual. She said she wanted to remain friends with him. I again told her face to face, not via text is better. Shows you care.
-She text him: "John, I really appreciate how much you care about me and our friendship. i have a lot of fun hanging out with you. It isn't my intntion to hurt you. I am very sorry. I am sorry you waited for me. I really want to continue our friendship but I understand if it is too difficult for you. Because I can never be ore than just a friend. I know that is not what you want to hear. I am so sorry! Please let me know if we can still be friends."
-John was irritated. Told her, "Nah, I can't. But I already knew that. The only thing is that you don't appreciate people that care about you. You are the most selfish person I know. But that's you're problem to figure out cause it seems to me that you can't take the blame for nothing. I'm over your attitude and immaturity. I can't have a friend like that - Sorry, have a great life. Hope you can overcome your monsters cause they're holding you back. Peace, I'm out!"
-Jane basically acted as a cock blocker for the entire time they were "friends" getting jealous when he would talk to other girls and demanded all his attention. I kept thinging they were secretly having a relationship and just didn't want to tell us.
-Hubby said after this happened, and true, this is his best friend so he was extra mad, but he said that in the 3+ years that he has known Jane, she has not changed one bit. She is still acting like a 21 year old. Lives at home, has no goals, has no money so she just opens up a new credit card and keeps adding on to her debt, goes out drinking and partying all the time. She is the only one of our friends that has not changed at all. Sadly, I agree. I didn't ask her to be our baby girls Godmother because she is no role model.
-I'm getting fed up with her, I'm always trying to make excuses for her behavior, hoping that one day she is going to grow up or do something that doesn't benefit her, but is for someone else's benefit without recognition on her side. I've been hoping for 2 years now.
So here's the question part: I'm not going to say anything until after the baby shower because truth be told, I've alienated myself from quite a few of my other friends by taking Jane's side a lot of the time, so idk who would take over... I'm just kind of going to fade myself out and if she asks why, just tell her flat outright why.
I'm going to make this as simple as possible so it doesn't end up like a novel. I started writing it and it was VERY long.
-My bff, we will call her Jane to make it easier, and I have been friends for 5+ years now
-I met my husband about 3 years ago and we moved south about 35 miles
-Everyone (both of our sets of friends get along great)
-By moving south and away from my group of friends, I realized how overly dramatic everything and everyone was
-My husband told me that he thinks that Jane is very selfish and only does good things for the praise received afterwards
-When I had Jane as my maid of honor I called my SIL crying because I didn't think Jane was doing anything at all, she even missed my wedding dress fitting because she went to a party the night before--I was really disappointed
-She was really excited when I told her we were having a baby and offered right then to do the baby shower
-When I hit my 3rd trimester she hadn't mentioned the baby shower, so I brought it up
-She is a HUGE procrastinator, and my hubby and I have a lot of busy friends that you have to plan things with more than a month in advance, so I offered to write out all the invites and send them out--she got very pissed off at me for this. Plus she had bought shower invites the week before without telling me and they were HIDEOUS and she was mad I didn't like them because she couldn't return them.
-A week into my 3rd trimester I was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri--a not so common, but not unheard of medical issue in pregnancy--my body is creating too much spinal fluid and there is too much pressure on my brain (like a fake tumor growing in there) and it causes severe headaches, double vision, nausea, and ringing/swooshing in my ears. I've had 4 high volume spinal taps to relieve the pressure in 6 weeks and am currently taking a class c pregnancy medication and am limited to 2-2.5quarts of liquids a day to try and manage it until baby girl is born.
-I haven't seen my best friend in two months.
-She text me drunk off her a$$ two weeks ago telling me that I was the worst best friend ever. I never ask her how she is, I never make time for her, etc.
-I ask her how she is doing all the time, invite her to come hang out all the time. I can't drive anymore since my diagnosis. My husband works nights. I don't have a lot of mobility. I've told her how lonely and sad I am down here. She always goes out and drinks or goes to a movie or something instead.
-My husbands best friend, we will call him John, and Jane were kind of an off and on thing for the last year. Jane always flirts with him, calls him when she's drunk, tells him she misses him, hangs out a lot with him, etc. Pretty much acts like his gf, but won't say it. No they don't sleep together or kiss.
-Last week he told her he misses her and he has feelings for her and when she blows him off it really hurts his feelings.
-She text me like it was funny and then said I don't know what to say. I told her she should meet up with him and tell him to his face how she feels--which was not mutual. She said she wanted to remain friends with him. I again told her face to face, not via text is better. Shows you care.
-She text him: "John, I really appreciate how much you care about me and our friendship. i have a lot of fun hanging out with you. It isn't my intntion to hurt you. I am very sorry. I am sorry you waited for me. I really want to continue our friendship but I understand if it is too difficult for you. Because I can never be ore than just a friend. I know that is not what you want to hear. I am so sorry! Please let me know if we can still be friends."
-John was irritated. Told her, "Nah, I can't. But I already knew that. The only thing is that you don't appreciate people that care about you. You are the most selfish person I know. But that's you're problem to figure out cause it seems to me that you can't take the blame for nothing. I'm over your attitude and immaturity. I can't have a friend like that - Sorry, have a great life. Hope you can overcome your monsters cause they're holding you back. Peace, I'm out!"
-Jane basically acted as a cock blocker for the entire time they were "friends" getting jealous when he would talk to other girls and demanded all his attention. I kept thinging they were secretly having a relationship and just didn't want to tell us.
-Hubby said after this happened, and true, this is his best friend so he was extra mad, but he said that in the 3+ years that he has known Jane, she has not changed one bit. She is still acting like a 21 year old. Lives at home, has no goals, has no money so she just opens up a new credit card and keeps adding on to her debt, goes out drinking and partying all the time. She is the only one of our friends that has not changed at all. Sadly, I agree. I didn't ask her to be our baby girls Godmother because she is no role model.
-I'm getting fed up with her, I'm always trying to make excuses for her behavior, hoping that one day she is going to grow up or do something that doesn't benefit her, but is for someone else's benefit without recognition on her side. I've been hoping for 2 years now.
So here's the question part: I'm not going to say anything until after the baby shower because truth be told, I've alienated myself from quite a few of my other friends by taking Jane's side a lot of the time, so idk who would take over... I'm just kind of going to fade myself out and if she asks why, just tell her flat outright why.
Comments
John told me that all Jane does is complain about me and how I'm pregnant. That she doesn't comprehend that I'm married now and that in a marriage there is compromise so sometimes I cant do whatever I want. Sometimes I do what my hubby wants. That's what makes our marriage work, that and spending what little time we have together. John said Jane is basically mad I'm preggo. Like its a bad thigh I'm progressing in life?? Wtf is that?
I'm due Sept 15th and my shower is august 21st for friends, august 28th for family.
How about u??
People like that don't understand anything outside their own life & wants! Being 100% honest is the best idea, even though if she is like my old friend she will ignore everything you say & make it all about you being the bad friend!!
Ignore her lol good luck
@bbylucasmomma Ahh... I'm sorry u have heartburn from brownies!! You'd think something so delicious couldn't do that. Haha. Unforgettable if I asked u already, are u guys all set pretty much for ur baby? Is ur nursery all done and ready?? Sorry I forget a lot of stuff lately... Haha. I'm kinda a ditz! Hubby and I are procrastinators and are kinda scrambling to get essentials on our small budget today... >_< but I'm happy we are at least doing it!
And on another side note I have had puesdo tumor cerebri for 4 1/2 years now and it is no fun I was diagnosed mothers day 2007 I was not pregnant, and didn't realize it was common amongest pregnant women. I know that it is most common in obesse women and women of child bearing age. I hope you will bounce back after the baby comes, not to scare you or anything bit I have had 16 spinal taps, I had a sunt (tube that drains the extra fluid) placed in my spine and had 9 surgeries on it and then finally had to have a sunt placed in my head and it runs down into my abdomen and 4 surgeries on that one. It is still there and I am high risk pregnancy because my uterus can push the sunt out of its place. I really wish I had someone to tell me what all could happen. I went threw alot of it alone with just my mom by my side it is scary for sure bit it does get better. If you have a chance you should get online and read about it I wish I had done a better job of researching when I first found out. Sorry this is so long good luck to you on the friend thing and this!