are all men...

armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
edited August 2011 in VENT (keep it peaceful!)
so heartless? My husband has an app on his cell phone that hides the dirty pictures I send to him so that no one can get on his gallery and accidentally see a naked picture of me or whatever. The other day I got curious and decided to go through his hidden pictures. I found a picture of another girls vajayjay on there! I immediately confronted him about it and he admitted that this girl emails him about every other month trying to get him to have phone sex with him and everything. He says he doesn't have phone sex with her and never has but he talks to her on his email and then deletes the messages so I don't see them. Well she sent the picture to his email and then he sent it to his phone. He said at the time he wanted to keep it...I found the picture a week after he put it on his phone and that whole weel he had been acting like everything was fine between us.... well I told him I was leaving him and wanted a divorce, only problem is he works the full time job I only work part time. I never knew my dad and right now my mom is having a hard time and is living with us for awhile so I have absolutely nowhere to go with our 2 month old son. Its been a month since and I have been trying to work things back out with my husband, maybe just because I have nowhere to go or maybe because deep down somewhere I love him cause he's my sons father. Well we get into arguments everyday because I don't trust him anymore and honestly I don't know if I ever could again. Anyways all this leading up to advice from you preglys...should I try to work things out? Should I trust him? What should I do?

Comments

  • newmomma13newmomma13
    I'm not married but I've been in ur position and still am...I've caught my bf sexting other females and it hurt me so much and I stil can't trust him cause its so hard I'm always thinking where is he at who is he texting and everything... its going too be hard to get through but if he's going to change and tell you everything i say give him a chance....I know its hard to just end ties with just anyone but this is your husband, the father of ur child, I know its hard to just even think about leaving him cause theres that tie between yall, ur child
  • MommysierraMommysierra
    well one question is has anything like this happened before and if so i would definatly say that you need to start working on finding somewhere for you and your son if its a repeated offense he wont change. on the other hand if this is the first time even you need to ask why he kept it why he hasnt told her hes married and to leave him alone why hasnt he blocked her and does he realize what he will be loosing if he decides that this little wanna b phone fling is worth that to him. i dont believe once a cheater always a cheater but after one time and it happens again then it wont change. it will definatly take time for you to trust him again if you ever fully trust him let him know what you are thinking and if he doesnt understand that and doesnt want to try and fix the mistake that he made then i definatly say go it will be better and better for your son not to eventually see an unhappy relationship based on no trust
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    How long have you been tryin to trust him again? And how can you ever know that he's telling the truth about everything or just doing a better job at hiding things? I just kinda feel like one of the most important things in a marriage is trust and if you don't have that then what do you have?
  • usafwife_21usafwife_21
    I don't think you should leave him. I understand why you're mad at him, you have every single right to be. But you married him for a reason, and mothered his children for a reason. I had someone text me dirty pictures once, and my hubby was furious. It takes time to build trust back up, but love is worth the wait :)
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    @Mommysierra In the past I have found a sex tape he made with one of his exs and a junk drive with half naked pictures of other girls he knows and he said he kept them because he wanted to keep them...he says all the time he's addicted to sex/porn and I've tried to get him to go to counseling for help and he's only been once. It just makes me wonder if I haven't been giving him anything if he's been going somewhere else since he claims he's addicted??
  • survivormommie3survivormommie3
    i would want to work it out. he did tell u the truth, even after it was hidden. however, that's not ok, i consider that cheating just as much as him having sex with her. but it is all about how you feel. will you ever be able to get past this? learn to trust him? be happy? i would say work on it until you get your feelings under wraps and know what you want out of your relationship
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    its like everytime I start to build the trust up again I find something else that throws it all out the window again. Right before we got married I found the sex tape. I thought it was a one time thing so I forgave him sort of and then a couple months laster I found the half naked pictures on the junk drive and I eventually tried to forget about that too. But this is the third strike...I mean how many times does one person get the chance to build trust?
  • MommysierraMommysierra
    if this isnt a first time thing then i dont think that it is going to stop if you let him just get away with it it will never stop for you or any subsequent relationships and wtf he kept them because he wanted to ok my response would have been ok so it would be ok for me to go and have sex with another man because i want to and you would be ok with that???!! i know it will be difficult physically and financially but i would leave its obvious he doesn't plan on stopping or changing and if it is an addiction he should be willing to get help but even a sex addiction can be controlled and shouldn't stray from your marriage! porn is one thing but personal porn ie. exes video naked pics and such are a completely different thing
  • usafwife_21usafwife_21
    Id give him the ultimatum, counseing or divorce!
  • MommysierraMommysierra
    @usafwife_21 marriage counseling and the addiction counseling
  • mandac10mandac10
    Oh yuck! What type of trash sends vadge shots! Im sorry I think vadges r so nasty looking!
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    Another question...is it over the top for me to not let him go to a female counselor for the addiction? I just don't think I would feel okay with him going to a female counselor by himself and talking about his addiction to sex...or maybe that's just how little trust I have in him I don't know...
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    @mandac10 me too! I seen it and I was like ewwww!
  • mandac10mandac10
    I feel the same u do there! My husband and my social worker we have to deal with cause of his cancer kicks me out of the room to talk one on one with him.... pisses me off. Y can't sh say whatever in front of me?
  • MommysierraMommysierra
    @armywife_mommytobe i wouldnt be too keen on him going to a female counselor for that either pshh
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    @mandac10 @Mommysierra A part of me just says why should I make him go to counseling...if he really wanted to fix himself and make us work he would have took it upon himself to get the help needed...why should I force him if he hasn't wanted to...??
  • mandac10mandac10
    My husband goes to counseling after his almost cheating mistake. He went by choice because he seen he has a problem
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    So I shouldn't force him to go? If he really wanted to try to make things better between us he would have willingly went himself right?
  • DawnwaarsBabyDawnwaarsBaby
    I just left my husband and im 20 days to dd. When it happens more than once, u got to cut his water off. To only keep getting upset about it and saying how mad u are and being pissed and then trying to work it out, sets no real boundaries on how u are to be treated. Eventually, it will get to where u want to kill him, fall into a depression and continuously measure yourself with women who dont compare to u. and trusting him again, forget about it, u will always be suspicious. Im in recovery now and doing better.
  • MommysierraMommysierra
    I'm not saying force him if he wants to save.your marriage then that's your condition to stay is for him to go to counseling and actually get help
  • lae3lae3
    i myself would.. make my decision.. iif your going to try and work things out then you need to let it go.. of course never forget.. but.. you cant be accusing and act parinod over it all the time.. you have to move on.. its not worth the stress.. girl .. i know its hard but just assume hes innocent untill proven guilty again.. and i would also reccomend doing something for yourself that you enjoy.. hobby or what ever.. for me i love to workout .. and get fit. its like i preparing my body for combat.. lol..
  • armywife_mommytobearmywife_mommytobe
    and what do you know, out of curiosity i logged into his myspace and theres a message he sent to a girl he knows telling her she turned him on and he gave her his number so she could get ahold of him...

    you can only give a person so many chances. Its went far enough, if i dont do something now he will get it into his head that im never going to and im just gonna keep giving him chance after chance and hes gonna keep doing things...
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