feeling guilty

ashabashashabash
edited March 2011 in First Trimester
I see all these posts of women trying to conceive and I don't understand how it can be so hard to get pregnant when I got pregnant on accident. I had sex on new years eve while I was very drunk, he pulled out so I'm guessing I got pregnant by "pre cum". And I read all these posts on tips how to get pregnant like elevating your hips after sex, taking prenatal vitamins. Lol. I didn't do any of that. I never in a million years expected that id get pregnant at 19 by a guy I barely know. And I also feel guilty because so many women try so hard to have babies and here I got pregnant with no problem, but its not something I want. I'm not excited at all to be a mom, this is not something I wanted. My parents are excited to be grandparents, my friends are excited. I'm the only one who isn't. And I know it's because the father wants nothing to do with me and denying the baby is his which is making me extremely depressd.

Comments

  • artistmammaartistmamma
    You shouldn't feel guilty, hun. Every woman's body is different; some who view infertility as a curse might be perplexed at the women who don't want children & view it as a blessing. Other women would love to be highly fertile, are envious of those who are just wishing it would slow down - like a friend of mine on her 5th kid when she only wanted two. I personally can get pregnant pretty easily, but I can't keep my pregnancies. I miscarried twice & am on my third pregnancy & at 23 weeks. I've never made it this far before! :)

    I've heard of a lot of women in your shoes, where the daddy isn't around & isn't supportive, feeling depressed & unhappy about being pregnant. But you were brave & strong enough to keep your pregnancy, & if you aren't going with adoption, you're going to feel a love for this child like you have never known once he/she is in your arms for the first time. If you do decide to adopt, you'll be giving someone who cannot conceive a beautiful gift!

    It may feel like you're in a lonely, scary place right now, but it sounds like you've got some great support around you, even without the dad. If you're keeping & raising your baby, it may not have been what you planned or wanted at this point in your life, but trust me hun, when you look into your child's eyes & see yourself in their face...when you hold them close & feel how much they love & need you...when they start smiling & cooing & say "mama" for the first time, you'll be filled with a natural, maternal love & no love will ever compare to it.

    Don't feel guilty. Just take things one day at a time. I wish you the BEST! :)
  • lae3lae3
    i ront want to be rude.. but you need to try and change your way of thinking about the situation and guilt wont help.. it is was it is... i had a simulare situTion with ny first son.. except cuz i came from a broken home it wad a surprise that the 18 yr old boy didnt want to be a dad.. and denief it.. the diff is i lost my verginitie to him and got preg the second time i had sex the first time unprotectef... and we didnt finish so its possible... yor baby will bring you the kind of joy u cant even comprehend right now.. and wen you look at your child you will know its his loss... and the guilt you will feel will be for your child. my son doesnt know his bio dad and it makes me sad but he is flourishing and we are doing the best we can.. in the end he will undrstand that we were both too young and that i and his dad hVe been there for him and always will be... and one day his bio dad will have to deal with his forgotten secrets.. he will have to look my son in the eye and tell him why he wasnt there
    m
  • My1st_AugbaybMy1st_Augbayb
    I feel guilty too bc I have 2 cousins who r married n want to start a family but just CANT & here I am not even freakin married didnt wanna start a dam family now & got prego by mistake having a baby..smh its crazzzzy the way life works! 1 of my cousins just recently had some surgery to help her conceive cuz shes the "prblm" & I dnt want everybdy being too happy about my pregnancy bc shes having such a hard time...
    Ugh!
  • briffyg89briffyg89
    I understand your pain huni just pray bout it ask fa da strength to deal wit it... my baby daddy trying to deny babygirl to but hit his ass wit dat paternity test and after dat no dealing he gne be hurt by dat... I hope it get better fa u...
  • ashabashashabash
    edited March 2011
    Thanks everyone. I know once I find out if its a boy or girl and get a named picked out and start buying stuff for it that I will get more excited its just stressful right now.
  • magcawmagcaw
    I was 23 when I got pregnant with my first baby. I was married and we had just started trying a month before. I don't know what I was thinking would happen, but I definitely wasn't expecting it to happen that quickly and I was completely devastated. I wasn't excited for even a second for my entire pregnancy (though the ultrasound was pretty awesome). Once he was born I wasn't even excited-for two whole days I didn't want to hold him or anything. I was lucky to have my mom and my husband there to take care of him. I got over my shock and mild resentment the second night after his birth, and I remember the exact moment that I fell in love with my son. I mean, head over heels, thinking about him all the time, close my eyes and see his face LOVE. Despite my miserable pregnancy, motherhood has been an amazing journey, and I am so grateful to have my sons in my life. I am now pregnant with my third and friggen miserable, which just seems to be how I do pregnancy. Things get better, though. Don't expect something from yourself that you don't have to give-you're allowed to grieve for yourself, there's nothing wrong with that. It won't make you a bad mother. Remember to take care of yourself--if you don't take care of your needs, you won't have anything to give your baby.
  • lilNugget11lilNugget11
    I can totally relate with you on this!! (Ok, maybe not totally, seeing that the father of my lil Nug and I have known each other what seems like forever and have been dating for a combined 5 years...and I'm 25)but anyway, I was on the pill and we used condoms and I still got pregnant. I was also diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago and told it would be difficult for me to have kids...boy was I surprised! I was just about to start school, my bf and I were having a hard time coping from his deployment (still after a year of him being back from Iraq) we live with my family...list goes on... when I took the final at home prego test that told me, it was christmas eve morning. I gave the test to my Bf and sat and cried for over a half hour. I didn't think it was the right time for me, but surely we are fortunate enough to be preggo for a reason! I'm 16weeks along as of today and I only a few days ago got even midly excited about the idea of me bringing a child into this world. I have a Cousin who has been married for over 10 years, ever since we were younger I remember her wanting to be a mommy. She was also diagnosed with PCOS and her husband is sterile :( I felt guilty telling her I was one with child, but she was very excited. Life has a funny way of making us realize what we can survive. Best of luck to you! And a healthy pregnancy and baby too!!
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