thinking about leaving

grantsgirl88grantsgirl88
edited March 2012 in Relationships
My husband just got out of the military a month ago. He still hasnt even looked for a job. We are living off what i saved and its running out quick. He doesnt help with the baby EVER!!! Im just fed up living this life. I saw my life being so much more. The main reason i havent left yet is i cant imagine my son being away from me ever. He has only been away from me once and i hated it. I couldnt imagine doing it eveey other weekend. And i do love my husband...he is just so different from the man i married. Advice please ladies!!!

Comments

  • grantsgirl88grantsgirl88
    Please ...input from someone
  • Mimii36Mimii36
    Have you talked to him?
  • kayleigh27kayleigh27
    Have you tried talking to him? How was he discharged if you don't mind me asking (medical,just separated, kicked out, etc)
  • MorgDeeBeeMorgDeeBee
    Going from being in the military to being a civilian again can be a rough transition for some people and take time to get used to it. Try talking to him and seeing what he has planned and what he wants to do. Maybe go to school full time with his GI bill while looking for some sort of work.
  • grantsgirl88grantsgirl88
    We have talked about it many times. He said the army has ruined his personality. He never wants to do anything and we arent passionate towards eachother. I try and he turns me down. He is on anti anxiety and anti depressants but it doesnt seem to help. He says the baby gets on his nerves...that alone makes me wanna hit him...ge doesnt wake up with him bathe him feed him...nothing!! He has no right to say this is a hard job. He also says i have let myself go...i am 5 feet tall and weigh 116...same as prepregnancy. I just lost some muscle and gained some skin. Idk i just feel rejected and low. My self esteem is so low it scares me. Im not myself anymore....but i cant bring myself to leave him...idk what to do
  • YNVTishYNVTish
    This is a hard one... Whew! @grantsgirl88 I always think I have problems then I read post like this and make me realize.. EVERYONE is going through SOMETHING.

    I hate to tell you this but I think its a good chance that the man you married is gone. The military has a good way with F'n you up.

    This doesn't mean that you can't get to know the new him and love him just as much as before... I mean there has to be "some" love left since you picked your user name to be @grantsgirl88 .. I'm assuming his name is grant ;-)

    It's a little messed up that he's on so much meds and actually needs to be taking it it sounds like.

    Try not to get sucked into his depression. During my 1st marriage my ex husband was diagnosed and took meds for bipolarism. People will emotional issues and inflict emotional issues onto others. He made me depressed and he said a lot of negative things.

    Never stay cause you have too ..only cause you want to. Also remember that with your husband on all those meds and acting negatively with the baby you may.have a good case for full custody.

    He may not even care to have custody.

    Either way you go.. good luck!
  • MybabeMybabe
    Maybe try counseling for the two of you!!! That may bring back the flame!!!
  • smcoxsmcox
    I highly suggest counseling! It seriously does wonders as long as both of you want to fix it! My hubby was in the army before I even met him and from what I've heard he was a totally different person pre army and all the deployments. Same with my brother. My lil bro never drank or smoked and was very against it.... Well the army has changed that! And it wasn't like he was just 18 when he joined and hadn't experienced life yet, my brother was 23 (now 25). He has a different personality, different outlook on life, a lot more stressed (he use to be one of the most laid back person I knew), and his priorities are very different. You need to understand they have seen and been through a lot of shit! My brother has seen his friends die and has been stabbed by an Afghani. So he probably needs counseling himself and then marriage counseling for both of you. It's gonna be a tough road and a lot of work and don't expect things to just get better over night. So try talking him into marriage counseling! I'm sorry you're going through this and I pray that it gets better! :'(
  • pineapple07pineapple07
    My husband was in the military and was medically discharged for being bipolar. It's hard, his meds made him a zombie. I had to ask myself if it was worth it to stay by his side and help him through it. For me that answer was and still is yes, he's no longer on meds and has kept his job for a year now. We have a system to get through his ups and downs. You need to meditate, pray, do what you need to do to decide if your man is worth riding through the storm. It will be hard but hey, you're a mom, you've already proved you can do anything. :)
  • dadof2n1togodadof2n1togo
    It is PTSD and having suffered it and currently dealing with it again it is a bitch. There is no easy answer to coping with this for him or for you. My wife can pick my good and bad days faster than I do lol. I have struggled bonding with our 4 month old son and there are days I feel that my wife and kids would be better off with me out the picture. With the meds he is on it is hard getting a balance, one day you feel top of the world the next the world is crushing you.

    You both need to seek help but as an ex service man he is going to struggle admitting he needs help to you or anyone. He has been trained to be strong, in charge and take control of things however now he is in foreign territory.

    Hope things get better for you both and good luck.
  • dadof2n1togodadof2n1togo
    It is PTSD and having suffered it and currently dealing with it again it is a bitch. There is no easy answer to coping with this for him or for you. My wife can pick my good and bad days faster than I do lol. I have struggled bonding with our 4 month old son and there are days I feel that my wife and kids would be better off with me out the picture. With the meds he is on it is hard getting a balance, one day you feel top of the world the next the world is crushing you.

    You both need to seek help but as an ex service man he is going to struggle admitting he needs help to you or anyone. He has been trained to be strong, in charge and take control of things however now he is in foreign territory.

    Hope things get better for you both and good luck.
  • ProudmommaProudmomma
    Seek professional help. That's all I can say. If you want to make things work that has to be done. Regardless he needs it. I'm praying for you guys. I'm really sorry this is happening. Keep us posted
  • grantsgirl88grantsgirl88
    @dadof2and1togo you nailed him right in the dot. You telling me that made me realize he isnt just being selfish. Thank you. And thank u everyone else for the advice. Im still trying to talk him into marriage counseling. I have stuck beside him through so much. Just not sure he is willing to do the same for me. I was in the army as well and i know i didnt deploy or anything but i think he forgets that. He only deployed to iraq for 9 months then we go to be stationed together. We were both at fort hood during the shooting. Im a different person as in i appreciate life ao much more bc i see how fast it slips away now. I wish he saw it that way ....but i am gonna try to make thia work as long as he wants to as well
  • YNVTishYNVTish
    @grantsgirl88 how are things going ... What's the update.
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