BD doing cocaine

clope18clope18
edited May 2012 in Parenting
Do about 4 months ago my bd was doing cocaine..well I threatened to leave him & he begged my to stay that he would never do it again..well last night I caught him doing coke again.this time with his mom.I've been questioning this for a while because he says he is always broke, never any groceries! he's saying that I'm over reacting by taking our son away from him & that it's not good for our son to grow up without him & asks me what do I do for him. He says I don't provide anything. Well I'm in college & a mommy. He doesn't help me with baby John, whenever I need to get homework done I have to go to my mom's so she our my sister or brother can watch him for a bit. He says I'm stupid for leaving him b/c he likes to have fun. & that he's
A good man & that I'm soooo lucky to have him. I packed most of me & baby's stuff (what I can fit in my car) & we're going to my mom's house. am I making the wrong choice by leaving him?
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Comments

  • clope18clope18
    *so
  • Granny2BGranny2B
    You are making the right choice. You do not want your lo in that environment - incuding the disrespect to you.
  • Summergirl22Summergirl22
    Not at all wrong, he's wrong! If he wasn't ready to grow up then he shouldn't have gotten you pregnant. If he cares enough, he will get his act together from you leaving.
  • second_time_mommy7second_time_mommy7
    Absolutely NOT. If he was really concerned with losing his family he would have got his shit together after you caught him the first time! Not to mention the fact that he is acting as if there is nothing wrong with it, which tells you he does not plan on changing. How old is your Lo? Old enough to crawl? Possibly get into drugs that are laying around? He is trying to flip it on you to make you feel guilty so you will stay. Do NOT give in!! You are being a wonderful mother by removing your child from the situation. All the things he is saying about you are a reflection of himself, just remember that!
  • Mimii36Mimii36
    You are making the RIGHT choice. Drugs are serious! Especially that one. And him trying to justify his actions by saying "hes having fun" is disgusting to me! Not to mention you could have your son taken away for having him around it!
  • StillsurprisedStillsurprised
    That is no environment to raise a child in. You are for sure doing the right thing for leaving. You have to do what's best for you and your little one, and keeping him away from that. My ex hub did coke, quite a bit. Me had terrible mood swings and spent so much of our money. Thankfully we had no children together, but if we did, your bet your ass I would have been fine in a heartbeat. Good luck hon. know you are doing the right thing :)
  • captivatedcaptivated
    No, you have done the right thing. You seriously put your child at risk like that. You can actually have your baby taken away from you by knowing that the father you have him/her around is doing drugs. If it was me, I would tell him he needs to get into some rehab or counseling and get clean. Not clean for a few weeks, but to prove to you that he has been clean for at least six months. This is nothing to play around with. Yes, children should have both parents If possible, but having your child in the company of someone doing drugs? Hell no. There wouldn't be ANY question in my head.
  • clope18clope18
    edited May 2012
    @second_time_mommy7 @ Mimii36 he's 7 1/2 months & he crawls very well, pulls himself up & learning to climb. & what almost made me kill bd & his mom is when I woke up around 1am to use the bathroom, there was a 5 dollar bill. I was like oh cool! But when I picked it up there was the drugs right under it :( I have lost all respect for his mother & my bd. I will never be able to trust him again. I told him that & he said "well you never trusted me anyway". What a douche! I had always trusted him. I gave him two, too many chances. & I definitely don't want to put my son possibly getting taken away from me at risk just b/c of his father. Ugh! What kind of a mother does drugs with their son!? It really pisses me off! I don't want her coming around my son, if she'll give drugs to her own son...I don't even want to think about what she'll do to mine. I'm not gonna let them ruin my son's life & set his views on what "having fun" are. Is there a way I can keep my MIL away from my son? & I don't want me nor my son around bd until he proves he can be sober @captivated
  • Summergirl22Summergirl22
    Yes grandparents have no rights. You don't ever need to allow visits if you don't want that. You could always get a restraining order too.
  • DavidnAadynsMamaDavidnAadynsMama
    Grandparents do have rights (at least in my state) but they would have to take you to court. Being that she is doing coke with her son, I doubt you'll be ordered to let her see your baby. Ive done drugs. Ive done A LOT of drugs, but babies should change your life and priorities. In my case, that 2nd little line was enough to change my lifestyle but unfortunately thats not the case for everyone :(
  • clope18clope18
    @Summergirl22 thank you ;) ugh he kept telling me that he's supposed to be "having fun" b/c he's 23yrs old & still young...but I'm 21, don't do drugs, don't smoke cigarettes & only drink on special occasions.. I don't see how he views what he does as okay Or normal. He kept telling me that I'm doing the wrong this by taking him away from our son & leaving a good man behind. I love him, I always will..but I love my son more than anything..baby comes 1st...
  • captivatedcaptivated
    Grandparents have no rights without a court order. She would have to file for her grandparent visitation rights in order to see him. Just don't let her see your son, simple as that :) However, if it ever ended up in court, if you didn't have physical evidence of them doing cocaine (police reports, convictions etc) then it didn't happen in the courts eyes and will be inadmissable. My advice would be to get some pictures (time stamped) or some text messages or emails from him admitting to drug usage in case you ever need it!
  • captivatedcaptivated
    Also, getting a restraining order is likely not going to happen. You need proof to show a judge that your child is in danger around her. Next time you see any drugs, call the cops. That would be an excellent way to get it documented.
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  • captivatedcaptivated
    ^^That may be true, but your child is your first priority. BD doing more cocaine out of depression that you left CANNOT be any of your priorities. I have known MANY drug addicts and there is nothing you can do to help them unless they are ready to get themselves help. You can't get him clean; only he can do that. It is not your fault if he goes deeper into his drug addiction. You have to worry about you and that beautiful baby of yours :)

    I look at it like this: Say that you are in a relationship and you are absolutely miserable- your man is cheating on you, beating you and treating you like utter sh*t. You finally get the strength to leave and he threatens to kill himself if you do. You don't go back because you are afraid that they will follow through. Even if he tries to commit suicide or follows through, it isn't your fault. It is his. You never held a gun to his head to commit the actions that he did.

    Stay strong, momma. You can do this.
  • clope18clope18
    @captivated good idea! I'm going to text him now..I was going to take a picture of what they left in our bathroom but I just got so pissed off & started packing me and baby's stuff
  • clope18clope18
    @captivated soo true! I asked him if he was ever going to change...he said not unless he wants to...what a dick..you have a beautiful son, that SHOULD make you want to change to set a good example for him.

    Ohhhh & I was putting my son in his car seat when we were leaving..bd was right there saying things to try & bring he down. That I'm so ungrateful b/c he's taken care of he for 5yrs..never had to work or pay for anything. & that I'm selfish b/c I don't let him have "fun". HELLOOO! I never said anything when you go play pool at the bar or stay up drinking with your friends! Doing drugs is what I have a problem with..the fact that he promised me that he wouldn't do them again & wasn't even going to tell me. I asked him about it & he denied it & I told him I saw him & then he confessed. I lost all trust & respect for him.
  • Summergirl22Summergirl22
    edited May 2012
    Yeah I should have said they have no rights without a court order. Also, in order for a grandparent to gain visitation rights, they need to prove that the child will negatively be affected in some why if they do not visit the child.

    @captivated is absolutely right, you cannot help someone who is unwilling to change, I've learned this the hard way.

    Stay strong hun!
  • clope18clope18
    @ArmahnisMommy that's true...but he's also a grown man, I shouldn't have to babysit him. I've tried talking to him, tried to get him to get help..but it just makes him upset ;(
  • mommyof3girlsmommyof3girls
    You should stay far far away from them and keep ur son far far away. U sound like a great mother. U have a good head on ur sholders. So, now that u have left... U need to stay strong and stay away for that whole situation. Good for u for leaving. U for sure made the right choice. U risk losing ur son having him in the same house as the drugs so stay far away from it all. Keep going to school to make the life u want for u and ur son. ;)
  • clope18clope18
    @mommyof3girls thank so much! He was starting to make me feel like I was the one who was wrong & making me feel bad. I'm glad I left..i do miss him though, he was a party of my life since I was 16. I know for a fact me & baby John are better off. he keeps calling & me. Telling me to come home. He was such a jerk. I told him I'm not going home. He said that I'm never going to find a man as good as him, that I'm gonna date a few assholes, go back to him & he won't take me back...but what makes him think i'll go back to him :/
  • clope18clope18
    *part
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  • sehra4177sehra4177
    It's the right thing trust me. My niece got into some of my brother in laws "stuff" bc he decided to store it in a case that she used to put her crayons in. My niece was about 4 and went to get her crayons and found a bag of white stuff...my sister luckily caught it bc she started putting it in her mouth. She could've overdosed on that, so don't even question yourself about leaving. It's right:)
  • clope18clope18
    Omg @sehra4177 ugh shit like this pisses me off I don't see how some parents can put their drugs where kids can get them. I was sorta iffy about if I was doing the wrong or right thing..but now I know. He was making me think I was wrong...soo glad I have PREGLY ladies to come to :D I know I made the right choice
  • valentinasmommyvalentinasmommy
    His having "fun" can create not so fun problems. Wtf? Ill slap the mess outta him. He can have fun by his damn self.
  • sehra4177sehra4177
    I'd agree bc I'm sorry you can't replace your child. I think my niece thought it was candy or sugar, can you imagine her small body just ingesting that? She prob would've die:(
  • YNVTishYNVTish
    oh wow... so what are you going to do?
  • LilSugarsMommaLilSugarsMomma
    I pray to God you didn't go back to him, and he's not around your baby. He sounds like a manipulator, so don't listen to his negative bull shit. He's just trying to feed your head full of stuff so that you'll go back. Don't do it!!! The risk of losing your child is NOT worth it!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    Pls don't go back to him until you know that he's been clean for a while. My cousin's bf was snorting and drinking one night. He was so out of his mind that he ended up beating the shit out of her bc she locked him out and made him mad. We (me & my cousin) live in the same apt complex and I heard her screaming for help at 4am. That was the scariest thing that I've ever heard. The landlord ended up banning him from the property. To make a long story short, she's back with him even though he's currently in jail. He beats on her all the time when he gets high. Everyone in the family keeps telling her that she doesn't have to keep dealing with that but she does and I think it ruining their kids. Stay away from him until he's clean!
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