problem with husband!!

cfa

Ok so my husband leaves for work 4 days out of the month. And its always hard with my two kids and one on the way but other then that I never give him crap about it but the last time he came home I looked in his phone and found pictures of naked girls and I freaked out are fight was so bad I was lucky my baby was sill in me. I asked him why in the world he was looking at naked girls online and he told me it was because he was board what!!! I have never felt so insecure and down in my life I feel so disrespected and now its going to be time for him to leave again and I'm getting so angry I don't want him to go and act stupid again I wouldn't be able to deal with that again. Give me some advice please!!!! Thanks lots.

Rodeoqueen13

Natural Guy thing, I would suspect. I always think that it's better to have those girls on his phone than in his pants...i honestly think it could b over reaction, but if u feel that strongly about it, it's best to have an adult convo about it

Jess510

I agree normal guy behavior. The more you tell him no the more he'll do it.

cfa

Dang I'm just old school I guess I just think because I'm his wife I diver some respect just like I give him he would have killed me if he found things like that on my phone and I can't stop him from looking at naked girls but he should have the respect to delete it before he got home.

Rodeoqueen13

Of course u do deserve respect, and if u think about it, he didn't make u look@the pics on his phone did he? his phone should b one of the most privately respected pieces of property & I'm sure he didn't intend for u to see them. And from experience, deleting stuff off the phone could indicate something guilty or fishy. And to any others, this is just my opinion u may have your own.

Melissa

Well its wrong what he's doing... pornography is an addiction for a lot of men ... it the bible it says to look or think those thoughts is adultry... I believe that it leads to reality and of course you feel bad... the ting is maybe if you go to him with your heart and not anger and let him know how this makes you feel and what you would like him to do to help you feel better he would understand... being pregnant is a time when your at your most insecure and men don't get that.... wish you luck and lots of hugs sorry your going through this

cfa

Thank Melissa I'm glad you see things the same way as me I feel cheated but he will be judge by someone greater then me and deal with the consequence for the way he hurts me. And thank you to all of you who give your opinion.

michelya

My husband's phone wallpaper is a hot chick with some killer boobs (if i do say so myself). I have zero issues with it, in fact, I renewed his subscription to Playboy last year for his birthday (partly because I actually enjoy reading the articles in it as well lol). Men are men, women are women, we are all different. I'll tell him if I think a chick in a movie is hot, I tell him if I think a guy in a movie is hot, he does the same with me. We just finished watching all 4 seasons of the Tudors, and I told him if Henry Cavill ever showed up he might be in trouble. He laughed and told me that it was fine as long as he brought Taylor Swift with him.

Now granted, he and I are very open with each other, if it ever bothered me I know he wouldn't do it, just as I would never do anything that bothered him. But I'm fine with it. *shrug* Its natural behavior to be drawn to beautiful people, naked or not, as long as he's not out screwing the world or taking pictures of real women naked, who cares if he downloads some off the internet.

anadoll92

The respect hes giving u is by being faithful. I let my guy do it. he hardly does that though im lots of fun

Beardreams

Im hugely against my man checking out other naked chicks. Im 20 but very old school that way too. It does lead to adultry, really guys look at naked girls to get a hard on and then jerk off to those faces and bodies. I work hard to keep my body stunning and if its not good enough for him then he can damn well sleep alone and get out of my life.

cfa

I give props to you girls that don't mind if you husband looks at nude women but I just have different morals and he know that when he asked me to be his wife. I send him sexy pictures of me all the time I tough it would keep him happy but I guess not. I'm not the only one who feels this way he would freak if I had nude men in my phone witch I have no desire to do. So that why I'm just confused and upset.

anadoll92

Do this dress really sexy like heelsand the whole stuff...he will come on to u but then say nope. U have girls on ur fone anf walk away

cfa

Yah beardreams if he is so unhappy with me then I would be more then happy to find what I want somewhere else I don't tolerate to much he will only be able to push me so far and then I will be gone.

jalem

My Bf does the same thing except on ky phone... it kills me that he does it but I'm just glad that its not a girl that he actually knows... in my mind its like hrs cheating but I'm just glad that itsjust a picture...

cfa

I give him everything to be happy I bought a pole that is up in our room and I tough we had a fun and fulfilling sex life I didn't think he would need to look anywhere else.

michelya

I think you ladies may be taking it the wrong way. Instead of assuming he is unhappy with you, why not take his word for it that he's bored at work? if it really bothers, you, speak to him, in a civil manner and let him know it bothers you. Approaching him as if he's cheating on you and going off the deep end like some psychotic girlfriend who did just get cheated on isn't going to make the conversation easier. Just ask him how he would feel if he found a bunch of pics of guys on your phone, tell him you already feel down because you're preggers, and he's not helping things. Its amazing how much more gets conveyed and accomplished through civil conversation versus accusations.

NaliiBBy

Lol @anadoll92 guud one.. Butt I was lookinn through manz phone the other day n found porn... I was upset @ first but got over it.. I don't understand y he has too look at it wen I'm here butt I do believe its a guy thing.. Shoot I enjoy porn miiself so can't blame him... I kno hell never cheat o do anything like that..so I try to stay confident .. I use to notice even he looked @ beautiful women butt I look too n think their beautiful to.. So who caress.. He loves me

Jannalee

I'm sorry to hear bout all that! Melissa had the best comment so far. You have your own values morals & expecations & nobody can say you're wrong for that! It is against the Bible too. God is not pleased with that. My husband did the same.. but much much more. We had many other problems too & eventually split for a yr. Were back together & I can at least say there is no more him lookin at other girls, just me! Lol Ur husband looking at naked chicks doesn't exactly mean he finds YOU unattractive, but maybe its a result of there being some other issue he has. If there is another area you guys aren't doing too hot in maybe he finds it more appealing to look at other chicks that don't make him think of any possible negative stuff? Like in a way. Idk if you get what I mean. But yeah... you should be the only one catching his fancy! Lol just keep praying about it & for him and try to talk to him. I know you wanna be angry but that can push him away & be even more reserved. Try ur best to be calm! Not easy when you feel so betrayed. Hope it gets better!

cfa

Jalem I could look at it that way but then I feel like I'm dealing with something that I don't have to we have boundaries in our marriage and he needs to follow them just like I do.

fingerscrossed

I personally do not believe pornography - from nudity to hardcore images/video - automatically leads to adultery nor do I personally believe it is an addiction. Our relationship is much like @michelya described her relationship with her significant other to be. We are very open with one another about the subject of pornography, among various things. If I am not in the mood or if he is on an extended trip, I am all right with my fiance looking at it, because he and I have discussed our boundaries. I would much rather him being looking at pornography when he is frisky and I am not available than him looking for an available woman. We even watch pornography together once in a while, as it adds a little spice now and again. (And guys do not always masturbate because they are horny - your husband may have been honest when he said he was bored.) However, with my views being stated, I will say this - if I have a problem with something, he respects me enough not to do it. He never likes to intentionally make me uncomfortable, and if I were to say that I was uncomfortable looking at pornography, he would cease to do so. The same goes for me.

It may help you both to sit down and calmly discuss this issue. Let him know how insecure it made you feel to know he was looking at other women, and ask him how he would feel if he were to know you were looking at other men naked. Explain to him how you feel disrespected by the fact he would choose to do something that you (may have) told him in the past made you uncomfortable. Try to work out a compromise. For instance, if he has to go away for work, and he is choosing to look at these pictures for masturbatory purposes, why not propose flirty/dirty text messages or phone sex with you instead? It may sound silly, but it is working toward a middle ground. It is very important to have an established open line of communication and a set of clear cut boundaries, and he may need to be reminded of how you feel about certain things.

FirstTimeDaddy

hm. well I can say this. I don't need to look at porn or even just naked chicks. for what I have my baby. she is all I need. the only naked pix I have on my fone r the ones she sent me. but I agree w @rodeoqueen13 that if it bothers u alot u should just talk to him about it

Kingsmama

This really hits close to home for me as my ex boyfriend ended up becoming a sex addict to internet porn and thus ended r relationship. When I met my now husband he didn't know my feelings on hating porn and seeing it as a way of cheating since my ex would pass up sex sometimes for his internet fixation. When things got serious it still didn't cross my mind til I accidentally walked in on him and I broke down. I told him how I felt right out no feelings withheld. Well he didn't know about my past issues with it and after he felt horrible. He said he needed some outlet for his personal needs and I agreed but still don't condone porn vids and pics. So now he will read online stories and fill in the blanks with his imagination and I allow cartoon or anamae sp porn. We r in an understanding cuz he knows I don't look at any type of porn and I want him to respect me too. Now I can't help if his friends show him something at work and then he tells me about it and will show it to me and that makes me feel much better knowing he's coming to me. So just be upfront with him and speak from the heart hun. But also be very calm about it and let him voice his opinions openly and trust me it goes a long way and will make both of u closer and happier. And do it b4 he leaves for work again so ur not stressing about it. Let him know ur going to trust him and not look thru his phone again and stay true to it. If he knows he can be trusted he's less likely to do it again. Sry this was long but I hope it helps u lemme know if u need to talk hun I'm here for u. Best of luck :-)

Babyboy2011

Sorry, but you girls who say that you dont care if your 'guy' spends his spare time looking at naked wome, I simply don't belive that. If your married, there are different expectations in the relationship. I agree with cfa and melissa 100%. And quit giving guys the excuse of just 'being a guy' if your married and comitted to each other, then committ! we all need to keep intimacy intimate not some hobby he can just do on the side when hes bored. Does it not then become so much less special when shared? Yes. Talking with him about it will help. Remember you are both comitted and that you still love him, just not what he's doing

Kingsmama

Totally agree @babyboy2011 I hate that phrase cuz its just wrong. Men should have respect for us like we have respect for them. And if they wanna see something naked I hope my hubby comes to me cuz I can do a mean strip tease! Lol all that money towards victorias secret isn't wasted one bit in this house lol!

fingerscrossed

@babyboy2011 I honestly do believe that, however. I may only be engaged, but we both share similar beliefs about it, which is why I am comfortable with it. I am comfortable in my body, as is he, and we both know we do not think of the other any less because we look at pornography. We have discussed it and set personal boundaries which we both respect. We are highly committed to each other, and we always communicate with one another, whether it is about this topic or about something else we believe needs to be discussed. People have varying opinions and views, which makes this world a lovely, interesting place to live.

Babyboy2011

if you are your fiance are both in the same boat and are fully aware of what each other do and expect, there lies the difference if your situation than to many othets, cfa included. And my values mirror hers- I would have reacted the same way. However, forgiveness iIs also a value

fingerscrossed

@Babyboy2011 I agree. I suggested for @cfa to have an open discussion about boundaries and beliefs about the subject, which several other people have echoed as well as yourself, I believe.

I know not everyone will share my openness and comfortableness with the subject, and I respect individuals like @Kingsmama who have worked through the issue to a compromise with their significant other. I believe that you should NEVER be intentionally made uncomfortable by your SO's actions, because if they do something they know will upset and/or make you uncomfortable, they are showing you a great deal of disrespect. In this case for @cfa, it is her SO looking at naked women. If they have set boundaries or discussed this issue in the past, then she needs to again restate her points in a firm, calm manner.

And there comes a point between a healthy fantasy life and an addiction. I support moderation of things, but the moment it becomes an obsession, I draw the line, even with something I am comfortable with (such as this). If it is borderline obsession, the couple may have a problem, and things need to be immediately addressed.

Babyboy2011

I agree

Kingsmama

@fingerscrossed Ty for ur comment it makes me feel good. I tried to work with my ex cuz I had no issues with it til it came between us and he refused to change. So in my case I was damaged goods in that dept which my hunny don't know so I couldn't blame him. Thankfully he's very loving and understanding towards my feeling and it works for us now

fingerscrossed

@Kingsmama You are more than welcomed. You weren't damaged goods. We all have our own issues we bring into new relationships, and this happened to be a topic you were passionate about. As for your ex, he sounds like he truly did have an obsession, something under no circumstances do I support; he will probably continue to have problems finding a sustaining relationship of substance if he persists in not reaching a compromise. I am glad your new honey-now-husband understood your issues with this topic and that you both were able to work something out which suited both of your needs. I hope many people can learn from your example!

jynxiluvbaby

There is a fine line with this discussion, I do not see a problem with pornography because as many of you said it is better than it being someone he knows or him physically cheating. I would be concerned if it gets out of hand or if he stops finding you attractive. My bd has crossed a line with me recently where I caught him chatting with a girl and giving her his fb info. ( I understand its just a social networking site but it lists his telephone number and there is absolutely no trace that I exist on his page aside from him being in a relationship.) Also it was not the first time I have caught him doing it and he promised to not do it again and he did. I would be happy if he was just looking at porn with a random girl instead of what he has been doing, and I agree with the other ladies that it is a guy thing and he does have to be away from you for days at a time.