No one said that your relationship with your husband had to suffer. By all means, go on a date night. I personally would NEVER say that my husband comes first, my kids second... if that's how you feel then you are selfish. If push came to shove, I would ALWAYS pick my kids over my husband, like any good mother would.
This is my first child I feel I would always put my childs needs before my bf's needs, but I definatly would put the full effort into making our relationship last because I want our child raised in a happy healthy family enviroment. My bf has a 13yr old daughter from a previous relationship & I am never made to feel I am in competition with her but I would expect that if she needed something he would be there for her no matter how I felt (even though I love her to pieces so I would want him to be there for her). @magcaw I must agree the my mom has and still does always put us (her children) before any man and its sad to say but she is lonely now that we are grown and have started our own families sometimes I just feel like she is lost I wish she would have put more effort into making her relationships work than worrying about if we were happy or happy or not (meaning she would put our happiness over anything not just our needs, if we wanted something we got it including all her time). Once again I am not sure but I feel I will always love both my bf and baby the same but like @lovingmyunborn stated in the end me & my bf will be left alone as our children grow and move on with there lifes.
I think that my husband and I are the foundation. Without us there would not be our kids. so our marriage/ relationship needs to be nurtured and stable for ourselves and for our kids wellbeing!
Intresting stuff...but with putting eachother first we both know that our childs needs are very important to both of us, so if either one of us abuses that it would be just like hurting the other and wouldnt that be putting yourself first...ie..the eating situation... if both my baby my husband and i are hungry we both wouldnt allow the other to eat before the child because we know it would not only hurt the baby but eachother to see the baby go without.....i think if he were to eat first that would be him putting himself first not him putting me first....and if i was to feed him first i know he wouldnt want to eat before the baby so thats like me ignoring his desires....hopes it makes sense:)...wont be any neglect around here, it would break both our hearts to see our little one go without and wouldnt that be defeating the purpose of a happy marriage...
Thats another thing if you hubby/bf is wanting you to ignore the needs of yalls child because he is the "head" then he's also ignoring the desires of your heart so he's not putting you first and vice versa...:)
I never grew up in a healthy family structure and seeing my mom the way she is now breaks my heart....she ALWAYS put us first in everything and now were all grown and out of the house and she has no one to make happy including herself..its like we sucked all the love out of her..i personally wouldnt have faulted my mother if she would have had someone she could have put her all into..it wouldnt cause me so much pain and guilt...now coming from experience i couldnt do that to my child...i want him/her (praying on a her lol) to reach adulthood and not feel like she cost her mama her happiness..just my opinion and to answer the question would i choose my husband over my child i would say neither i couldnt live without either they can take me!
I would have to say my daughter nd my bby dad / boyfriend r equal . they both hav equal places in my heart nd in my life nd he wil tel you the same thing .
@1_mama_sqaured I think you're getting lost in the semantics and ignoring what is actually meant. That said, it would be nice if you'd stop insulting people who plan to live their lives differently than you. I don't always pick my kids over my husband, and I don't think I'm being selfish or that I'm a bad mother. There are days when I choose to be alone with my husband and send my kids to my moms, and times when I choose to buy something small for him instead of getting a small gift for the kids. There are even times when I choose to be alone and go off without any of them. I know my limits, and I know when my relationship needs work and when I need work, and working on those things helps me to be a better mother to my children, a better wife to my husband and a more productive individual. Imo, the thing that makes a person selfish is not what they say but how they live. I live to make my family's lives happy and productive, and to do that I need to fit that description and so does my relationship with my husband. @2girls1boy I agree completely.
I disagree that a mother, her partner and a child are a "team" especially when ur kids r small. It is ridiculous to think it kids will work as hard as u will to keep ur family together esp thru the teenage years. My mother abandoned me and my siblings when the abuse got so bad she couldn't take it. It has taken me years to forgive her. Investing in my relationship is first and foremost for the benefit of my children and has nothing to do with neglect. Nobody tought me how a healthy marriage is possible, 3 generations of divorce abuse and neglect made me cynical and depressed. My husband is teaching me now what is possible and I have a happy, loving child. It's not as black and white as u think, its about perspective.
@magcaw thanks for the backup...lol i didnt post the topic to be insulted i honestly wanted to see how other women felt about the issue...this is exactly the reponse i get when i talk to it about people outside the forum..i appreciate all the different views and i completely understand why you choose to structre your family the way you do....i just hoped that maybe i could give some comfort to those who feel the same but may he ashamed of saying so...we all have our reasons why we do the things we do....i wish you all the best:)
SN: my mama completely respects my decision in her words she wish she would have did the same....things change when your children get older and they leave and take your heart with them....its like you have to place yourself back at the top and you realize thats where you should have been all along....
My husband & I both put our children first while they're young & completely dependant upon us, but our family as a whole definitely comes before anything else. Children are young for such a short time; there's plenty of time for just my hubby & I later; kids needs the best start from both parents now.
I think you should love your family as a whole. I believe in different levels of attention they all get attention but the smaller ones need more immediate attention since they are the ones barely starting to learn your hisband/wife already knows how to get dressed, bathe and eat. Thats what differentiates a child from your husband. Its not a difference of love, but of attention.
My boyfriend actually wouldnt like it if i put him for anything before our daughter. But its not like i number the people in my family bcuz i am very close to my family and bf but would never choose one over the other. depending on if it was like a stupid argument or something. But personally no one is more important to me than my child bcuz i would be willing to do things for my baby that i may not do for my bf or mother
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Thats another thing if you hubby/bf is wanting you to ignore the needs of yalls child because he is the "head" then he's also ignoring the desires of your heart so he's not putting you first and vice versa...:)
SN: my mama completely respects my decision in her words she wish she would have did the same....things change when your children get older and they leave and take your heart with them....its like you have to place yourself back at the top and you realize thats where you should have been all along....
Putting your kids first does not mean you would be putting nothing into your relationship with your partner.