Please help why did she leave me

mdoe_02

So I am 31 and my girlfriend iis 30: we have only been together for 8 months. We both were really really happy. The first time I know what people say when they say when you know you know. So around jan we talked about it and we said that we were going to try. If it happens great. We both are establish and at the time really in love. So she has her pplace but she stayed at mine for the last six months so we were talking about just her moving in and she was good with it. Three days later we found out she pregnant. It was the happiest I had ever felt. She really wanted me to wait to tell my parents and I didn't. I couldn't. She does not the great relationship with her parents like I do. She 8 weeks still have nott told her parents. I mean really? She feels her mom is going to disown her. So we had a trip to canccun we planned a couple months. We before we went we went to the doc for bloodwork. Anyway so we went on vac and all of a sudden she just started being distant. I couple days into the vacation she really just stoped being close. We ccame home and she said she needed time to think. The next day she said she doesn't have thouse feeling for me anymore. Im crushed. She siad she started having doubts the week before we left. Noww I have done nothing wrong and I keep tring to be a part of her life and she keeps shitty on me. I don't understannd what happened. Please help. She know im going to be there every step and im 99:9 sure it mine. Any advise would be great

SamiUK

My advice will be, her bodies really changing all different hormones, give her space whilst still letting her know you care about her and baby, hopefully she will come round at first i told my fiancee i hated him and wanted nothing more to do with him 10 mins later i was hugging him telling him how much i loved him lol

clope18

It's hormones. I've been with my bf/bd for 4.5yrs & I'm 15weeks4days & I'm feeling distant, like I need to leave & get away frm him. Don't feel bad or mad at her. Her body is changing, she's going through a lot, mentally & physically. Keep your hopes up. Try sending her some flowers at home or her job. Good luck

mommy_in_love2

Its true when a women is prego she has doubts about alot if stuff... Dont worry maybe shes just nervous about the baby i'm pretty sure she still loves you just give her some time for her but dont abandon her.. You need to understand that its alsoo hard for her and step into her shoes...:) give her time...

mdoe_02

Thank you so much really. I mean I have lost 15 pounds in three weeks. The truth is I would be just as upset if there was no baby. She has came to be my best friend and I miss her so. Yesterday I stayed at her house and im in bed with her annd I sweer if I even touched her toes she was just sooooo anyoned. I mean a month ago she slept on me like a tatoo. I am really tring to be understanding but it hurts. Should I stop calling or tell her call me when she ready to talk.?

TechGirlPa

Yes hormones but I think its moreso fear Hon. I think although She was excited and wanted the same things you did, reality and anxiety hit her in the face when she realized she was pregnant. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you but she's in survival mode right now where she's afraid of all the life changes. Its normal and hopefully shell realize that everything will be ok.

I'd just do things to remind her that you love her and that you're there for her. Let her know that her happiness is important to you and that its ok to slow down if she needs to. Try not to put pressure on her.

mdoe_02

It hard because she went out and bought a bed and furniture and painted her place. Im like wtf shee was over my place everyday for six months now she doesn't even want to come over. I am tring to give her time but I can't keep going like this. How do I bacck away from someone I care so much about.

TechGirlPa

Anxietys do a lot of things in a situation like hers. Just what you said about her mom disowning her is enough for some people to react in that type of way. I don't think you should give up, just don't go after her all the time. She's afraid of the changes and suddenly giving up her life. Has she ever been married before? Or had another child? I'm guessing not. Its a lot to happen so fast. Her independence and whole lifestyle is staring her in the face. She needs to decide what she wants and if you push too much she's gonna run farther in the other direction.

Do you feel like what I'm saying makes sense? Maybe tell her if she doesn't want to be with you anymore, can you still talk and be there for her and the baby. Or that you love her and just want her to be happy. Might sound cheesy but she needs to be reminded that you love her without you being in her face. If what you guys had was really real then she will eventually come around.

TechGirlPa

You sound like such a sweet person too btw. I'm very sorry you're going through this and I can imagine how much it has to hurt.

mdoe_02

I have told her um going to be everystep of the way. Thank u I do get what your saying and yes it sucks. I just have waited for this for so long and I feel I can't even enjoy it. Whn we got back I asked her if it would be easier to tell her parents if she was engauged she said we are not ready and I am tottly feeling like I have be replaced with her friends.

brodysmamma

Having a baby is a huge step and especially if you guys dont have kids (with each other or not) and it makes you think about your life alot more. My boyfriend and I have been together for almsot 2 years and we just found out we are having a baby. My first thoughts where wow is this really what I want, do I want to spend the rest of my life with him, have a child, and no matter what he will always be a part of my life. And even though I chose not to discuss this with him I knew it would pass. I am overly hormonal and since its such a huge step I had to take a step back for myself. Now with a clear mind, I know for a fact I want to be with my boyfriend, and i love him and very excited to have a child with him. It's one thing to have a child by yourself especially if you are an independent person to have a family is scary. I would suggest asking her what her fears are and giving her a little breathing room and just let her know you are there for her. take it one day at a time and good luck

brodysmamma

oh and some women just dont like to be touched after they become pregnant as well. there are some days that I dont want to be touched I am just not comfortable at all everything bothers me.

mdoe_02

Wow thanks I have bbeen killing myself tring to solve this problem. No we dontt have any kids or we have not been married how long did your reservation last it. Been three weeks and im scard if im not around she can't fall back in love with me

TechGirlPa

The way shes acting doesn't mean she's fallen out of love with you Hon, she just needs to get over all the fears. Its like denial in a way, I went through this myself before so I know how it feels. Her being with her friends is a way to try to get her independence back, but hopefully once she's feeling less frightened by life things should get better. Its like when a little kid starts potty training and they suddenly go in their pants and wont look at the potty... its human nature to be afraid of changing. And in yours and her life... there's a LOT of sudden change going on.

BabyRosalee

I feel for u a lot and I hope things work out, u obviously care about her. I agree with the moms that she needs time, space, and to know u love her. But I'd be very mad if my bf told his parents before I was ok with it. Her body is experiencing something new and scary she has no idea how to navigate thru it. We waited with both kids til 13 wks to tell ANYONE cause our first pregnancy miscarried. I know u r happy and excited and I'm happy for u but try to respect her needs.

brodysmamma

Oh my boyfriend is gone for a week and we talk on the phone but it took him leaving i guess (its been since tuesday 4a.m. that i last saw him) and i now know that i need him and i cant do this alone (could be the hormones) but i am feeling lonely and like i need him near me to keep me sane and go through this with me. I was kinda pushing him a way at first and he kept saying stuff about it and i just kept saying i didnt feel good but really i was questioning everything and now i know. I would just give her space. leave her alone for a few days then maybe ask her about her fears and what not and tell her yours as well. I wish I would have talked to my boyfriend at first about it and him talk to me but we still have time. she prolly just needs time to absorb everything as well. this is huge and life changing. good luck if you need any help feel free to ask

happy2bee33

It be like that cause I don't be wanting my hubby to touch me sometimes I don't be wanting his kiss or anything I trust is hormones shell come around

allie8955

dont worry bout it she will come around. I did. first couple weeks I did not want to do anything with my hubby!! felt so sorry for him...but now its better great luck!

mdoe_02

I just want to be close to here and she acts like she can't stand me. I am having a hard time believing thing will ever go back

TechGirlPa

Keep us posted on how you're doing. Things will get better.

mdoe_02

Not so good. I sent her flowers and work just to make her smile. She didn't she asked why did you do that? I told her cause I just wanted to brighten her day. Then she said I don't understand why you keep tring. I told you I don't feel anything for you. Wwtf. She started saying she tthinks it was just lust. Here's the deal people don't do the things she did for mme and with me if it was just lust. She wanted me to meet her parents and all of her friends. Bought rugs and stuff for my apartment and called it our apartment and our bed. I said what the hell is this. I told her she wouldn't even treat a stranger as bad as she been treating me. I asked again if the was someone else. I said what are you still in love with your ex have you talked with him. She said she parshely is still in love with her ex bbut hasn't talked to him. I have to give up now because I can't repect myself or expect anyone to respect me as a man if I continue to try to be around someone that feel nothing for me. I guess I will start paprting to be a single dad. Wtf. I don't know

mdoe_02

Oh I asked her about what some of her fears our she said she didn't have any. What would you guys do

TechGirlPa

I'm so sorry Hon. Well I still believe its fear causing her to act like this, but I don't know if there's anything you can do at this point. Do you think she may look into an abortion? I'm not asking to upset you and I'm personally against them, but I'm asking in case you hadn't thought of it.

I've seen other people "change" like this. I think the best thing you can do right now is let her know how much you want to be with your child and then make yourself leave her alone. Only call her periodically to check on your child and also you should have the right to go to doctor visits, especially if there's an ultrasound involved. If she never snaps out of it, it's her loss. I understand how she feels but the way shes treating you is not ok.

If you need extra support you can always pm me.

TechGirlPa

I read your last post to my partner and he said "makes sure you don't let yourself become a stalker", because that will only make things worse.

mdoe_02

Thanks you but it is really hard I just don't know why this is happening

pregnantlettemama

I say go off her radar for awhile. Dont ignore her, but give her a chance to miss u. Keep up with the 411 on the baby, once she sees how much better she was with u, she will come around for sure. Every time me and my bf go through this, it lasts about a month, then we go runnin back to each other like the devils chasin us. Anyway, good luck man, and im sure she will come around.

TechGirlPa

Yeah part of the point in leaving her alone is to see if she realizes what she's done and comes around, but I don't want to set you up for worse hearbreak if she doesn't. Nevertheless she's going to have to come to terms with the fact thats shes pregnant and that you will always be in her life in some way. Right now She wants to be like a teen again without real life responsibilities. I wish I had easier answers for you.

missmommy28

around 8 week pregnant to about 14 weeks my hormones were soo bad I hated my bf. We fell in love instantly. Got pregnant a month later then at 8 weeks I found myself hating him. Id be in bed and hear him coming up stairs and get discusted. I would build a barrier of pillows between us when we slept. Started looking for my own place. Then went back to my parents. I wentto er and didn't even wanna tell him cause I didn't want him to come. The more he tried to save us the more angry I got and didn't want his clingyness... then out of the blue I started feeling better and started loving him and now we are almost back to normal. Point is the hormones are going crazy.

missmommy28

Oh and I agre with techgirl.. I know a lot of time when I was distant I was like"I'm trapped with him" if your stil pushing it its prob just making her feel smothered id give her some space... that's what I needed I escaped to my parents house.

kate_p3

It cud b tht she is really upset about wot people will think esp her parents u sud try n let her no tht u will always b there n tht every1 will b happy 4 u wen I fell pregnant with my son I was really scared 2 tell my mom but esp my brothers I didn't even tell them I got my mom 2 plus me n my fella had a riff time once I had him but I'm so glad we stuck at it we have never been happier try buying her some expensive flowers (not from a gas station plus her favourite) n just write on the card tht u love her so much n u r there wen she is ready u will always b there also try make sure she knows u will help wen she has had the baby I was worried tht wen I had my son I wud b doing everything gd luck hope she comes round soon .

kate_p3

SSorry didn't read u said u sent her flowers x