Got myself into a bit of a pickle here need advice.

MAmajolene

it might be kind of long so stick with me. I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship and his father is not involved in his life. I am now pregnant with my bf of almost of 2 years.. We were havin alot of ups and downs in past 6 months and tLked about breakin up alot. He was veryean to me and was never like a father figure to my son he always talked about how hr couldnt stand him so we decided to break up but then the next day we found out I was pregnant. He went crazy amd tild me to get a abortion.he finally got over the fact that he wasnt ready for this and came to grips with it and thought it would be a good thing for us and he wanted to.make it work with me and my son so I told him u need to change and change right noe or im nit doing this he agreed and its bern about 2 weeks and is doing alittle better but he always lasted a week or 2 and something always goy screwed up. Bit inbetween this time I met this guy about a week ago and he wants to be with me hes knows I have a child and hr k.ows im pregnant and he doesnt care he will support us all. Hes so much diffrent then.my bf now and it really takes a good man to want to b with a girl with all this baggage. I really want to give this guy a chance but at the dame time I feel wrong and I should try to make it work with me babys father even.though I do.t know if its gunna work.i deserve to be happy and I deseerve a man thats gunna treat my son right and I know I havrnt known thus guy for ling but I know he will make us happy and feel wanted unlikr my bf. What do u girls think I should do

jcmommy

... you haven't known him long. Don't you think its sort of strange that you just met and he's already talking about taking care of your kids? Big red flag screams pedophile alert to me. But I don't know him. Maybe give the bf a chance to come around. It's going to be different cause this one is his child. Every relationship takes a little time and work but in the end it will be best for the kids. My opinion.

Haileyandtravismom

I think for ur unborn baby u need to try to make it work. U have no clue wjo this new guy is or his intentions r. Give ur naby and his father respect. Use integrity. If it does not work u shouls focus on ur kids, the new guy will still be around after ur baby if what he says and does is sincere.

Jaime77

Sometimes another guy seems like he'd be a better bf, father, husband than the one your currently with.They are more understanding, loving ect. Love and lust are intertwined. In end you just met him, when he says he doesn't care that u have 2 children, it's probably those first initial lust feelings. My advice truly get your feelings for your current man behind you, before u move forward with new guy.

RaylansMommy1

I think that u should follow ur heart. It usually don't lie. If u want to be with the other guy then go for it.on my opinion I would not be with the bf in the first place if he didn't treat my other child right, so how is he goin to treat his own child? And on top of that I would of never stayed with him if his first reaction was for u to get an abortion when he found out u were pregnant. In the end u have to live with ur decisions so think wisely and do what u think is best for u, ur son, and ur unborn child! That is the best advice that I can give u.

singlemama

Yea i agree with the mom who called pedo alert. U dont know him well enuf, esp to bring him around ur children. If the father wants to be there let him.

Carley

I just can't get over the fact that u say ur BF doesn't like ur son and actually said he can't stand him. If he truly changes and builds a relationship with ur son try to work it out. I'm not to sure any adult who says the can't stand a 5 yo can change. I would be scared to trust him with my son. On the other hand I wouldn't trust the new guy. Men know what to say to get what they want. Especially if he knows u and BF are havfing problems. He will play into that. Plus I think its too soon. If u break up with BF so be it but give urself time before jumping in another relationship.

FirstTimeDaddy

i agree w other statements. u dont knew him that long. n as a guy I can tell u this. guys meet a girl w kids n or prego n in relationship problems n they r thinking easy sex. yes I know we r pigs. but if he really is sincere then make sure u like him for him not just cuz he will b good to ur 2 kids. cuz then ur just gonna end up unhappy. n yes u deserve to b happy. my gf was a single mom for like 2 years b4 she met me. n when I met her I had had a bad experience w a single mom so I wasnt sure if I should go for it. but I did n I knew she was the one when she made me wait forever just to get the good night kiss

[Deleted User]

I think you should either focus on the relationship with the father, or not worry about any other relationships at all. Pregnancy hormones can do a number on your perception and judgment, so you might not be seeing the whole picture. Right now is the time to focus on your unborn child, not a new relationship.

YungMommywt2

If a guy dnt like or can't stand my kids then he has to GO! Asap! But I think you should jus wait to see if he really change & if the other guy is so great maybe y'all should just remain friends &if its ment to be he'll be there if it don't work out w/ your bf.

Tanners_Mommy

@mamajolene
Okay I'm gonna tell you my opinion from personal experience. I got pregnant at 17 and it wasn't working with my boyfriend and I met this other guy. We were just friends to start with he told me all the things I wanted to hear ex. "I don't care your pregnant I like you for you and a baby won't change that, and well I will be.there for.you and your baby no matter what..... Blah" it was nice to hear cuz my thought was yeah right who wants to be with a 17 year old pregnant girl. That's a lot of baggage. But I ended up dating him. And he never was mean about my kid but I ended up losing that baby at 6 months but I could tell also he.didn't really want to play daddy role to a baby I already had. We are engaged now and expecting our first baby together and we was scared at first and kinda hateful but mostly scared now he.is so excited and can't wait till we have our little one. But our situations aren't the exact.same cuz me and my fiance now don't really fight but. Personally I say give daddy a.chance to be a daddy it might get a lot better.. just my thoughts . Sorry this is so super long hope it helps a little

magcaw

As a step-parent, I can tell you that having a child of his own with you isn't going to make your bf a better parent to the child that isn't his. Step-parenting is hard, but it is even harder when you have your own kids bc there is a huge difference between how you feel about your own and how you feel about your step-kid. I don't want to tell you not to try with your bf, but don't expect any miracle changes. As far as the new guy, jumping from one relationship into another isn't good for you or your son. This guy may seem wonderful, but you don't know him; he may turn out to be just as much of a douche as your current bf, and then your son will have to deal with losing another father figure. If you really think this guy has potential, make him wait. Your son is going to need you 100% when you have your new baby, and being in the early stages of a new relationship will only distract you from him and may lead to him acting out even more than he would just as a normal reaction to a new sibling.

2ndbaby

Does the father of the baby support you? Does he go to every appt with you? Does he show that he cares about you and his baby? Does he help you with things? when you try to talk about baby stuff with him does he actually look at you and listen or doe she pretend that he is listening and agree with you just to get you to stop talking about the baby? Do you see a future with him and the baby? A real father is there for you and his baby through everything. A real father will go a craving runs for you or take you to the hospital bc you dont feel right. A real father will hold your hand and kiss your forehead when you hear the heart beat together. Yes a father is not a true father till he holds that baby.

I'm not saying that if any of these are no to go to the other guy. What I'm saying is when a woman is pregnant she needs love and support comfort and to know that she is not alone in this. And if he doesn't show that then you need to think about what is best for your life and your baby. I'm not saying jump into a relationship with new guy bc he is willing to give you the moon. I'm just saying tell this guy that you like him but that right now you need to take things slow and focus on you family and see what happens with your guys.

kkscrzr1

Follow ur heart sweetie! I'm sorta in the same situation. My babys father bailed on me when he found out I was pregnant because he has 2 kids already with his ex wife and "that's enough for him". I met this guy almost 2 weeks and I was upfront and told him I was expecting and like ur new guy he said it didn't bother him. I told him I wanted to take things slow because of the baby and his father cuz he has attendancy to go a lil crazy when things don't go his way. As of right now everything is goin amazingly great. Just listen to ur heart things will work out...I promise!!

happiimommy89

Yup I agree with first time daddy...what I personally think dat ur confused ur mixed feelings of ur bd hating ur kid..the fights..and the new person who u find so intresting and a new life making u wanna flee to a new easy start...I think dat u should set a time limit to work out the problems with ur bd u say things are better now but the new guys jus really calls ur atettion is becus ur still hurt of all dats happining w ur bd...if dat time limit is over and he hasn't changed the u should jus really really think about ur sons and baby future instead of looking for someone to be there for u and ur children first focus on the examples ur setting for u baby. Cus in the future he's going to be a daddy to and what he learns now he will take it as a way of life..and even if u leave ur baby daddy and go with the new love u never know if the baby daddy would change (becus sometimes it takes a person to change with a dramatic change ) u have to make sure u don't love him or want anything to do with him but if u still love him and not just want to be with him cus his ur bd. .becus remember he will always be there and feelings don't just don't go away with the wind remember the bd is now forever part of ur and ur bebe. Life. .I say stay and do ur part as a mother and talk to ur son if is old enuff to almost understand stay and give it ur best communicate with ur bd always be open and talk not fight and if. It doesn't change jus focus on u and ur babies guys come and go. We all have fights and arguements. But just make sure its worth fighting to stay and for a better peaceful future ..trust me I've seen my sister go thru this with her bd its not pretty with the stress her recent bf hates my nephew and ever since I found dat out I hate him and thank the lord I haven't seen him becus I would personally kick him out a house dats not mine. She thought she was pregnant with this dude to I told her she's always been a very independent person ever since my nephew father walked out on her she gets hers anyways she wants. But if she is now its the time to think about my nephew future with this guy and my future nephew or niece becus if he loves his child and neglets my nephew how u think my baby is going to feel seeing all of this and seeing u letting of this happen..well thank the lord she wasn't pregnant..but she still with him but she now takes better care of herself. She doesn't love him she tells me but just dat she has a very exciting life w him and good time in the bed room she makes me laugh I just told the life of an independent single mommy it has it good times lol. .anyways just use ur head think this thru seriously its not all about u now its about the 3 of u

happiimommy89

Agreed with magcaw

one5one

I think u need to stop worrying bout the father of ur unborn & stop looking for a man. I agree that a man u knew for a week wants to take care of u sounds like he's grooming u to possible get in good so he can hurt ur son. Trust no1 u just met no matter how nice they seem. You should ignore these men & start getting ur life with son & new baby straight. U don't need a man to be happy. U have 2 kids for that. If the bf doesn't want to help w baby so be it.I would start taking care of u & the kids & leave men alone for now.

[Deleted User]

I would just take it easy for now. You mentioned that your bf doesn't like your son. How does your son feel about this? Me personally, I can't be with a man that doesn't like my child. As for the new guy, I wouldn't get into anything with him just yet. You should get to know him a little more and make sure that your son likes him!

hubz1stbaybay

I think from my experiences u should not be with either men. Just be friends with the other guy and ditch the baby daddy! He doesn't respect u if he doesn't like ur son. Ur kids r number one in ur life. Do u and forget men all together. And trust me the right one will come along. I have a feeling if u sleep with this new guy u are only setting urself up do heartache right now. U don't have to ha e a man. I was 15 when I had my first 19 when I had mu second. I met my husband 4 years ago and I have been married a year in may. And we r expecting our first child in oct! I was not looking for a man when I met him! He loves my boys as his own. If he ever told me he couldn't stand my boys id be gone pregnant or not. My kids come first men come last! That is how it should be u r ur childs only protector till he is 18 and can make his own decisions

MAmajolene

I am so thankful for all of ur insights.

My bf isnt very caring for me or the baby. But im not quite sure he knows how to be I always complained that he nevet showed me that loved me but he always told me hes not good at showing that stuff. He will tell me loves me all the time but it is just vety hard to velieve when he hardly ever wants to hangout with me or never does anything romantic or out of the ordinary.. I do feel very alone I this pregnancy. He does come to dr app with me but at the first ultrasound he wasnt very happy about it. He wasnt ok with the fact that I was prego yet and I think the only reason y he came was to know for sure that I was ay our second ultrasound he was alot better and we do talk about it spmetimes but its only for like a min and then.hr trys to change the subject and he never aaks me how im feeling or rubs my belly or even ecknowledges(sp?) That im prego. Sometimes he will b like wow ur getting big but thats it. And this new guy I was very straight foward with him and I did tell him everything how I want to take it slow and he even said that is fine I can wait. And I know some of u say he could be a mellaster I guess thats always something to look out for even though he seems like he wouldnt do that and Im not gunna let him meet my son for a long time. I just dont want to pass up a good thing.

MAmajolene

the effort that he is makin now is comin over at 8 or 9 at night when my son is already asleep so my son basically ever sees him.. He did spend last weekend with us we went bowling and out to eat it was alot of fun but my son did have a break dowb or to and it looked like he was havin a hard time dealing with it sometimes he trys tellin my son what to do and my son doesnt listen and that makes him mad and I tell him its because he doesnt look up to u as a person of power cause ur never around instead of trying to alwayz disipline him build a friendship with hin first. And I am also worried what my son is gunna think when this babu comes and hes kissing the baby and the baby calls him daddy and he cant . I dont want to make him feel left out or not loved becUse if its gunna be like that im not gunna stay with my bf I want hum to treat him.lile his own.