step-daughter..need help

lilpeapod913

So my bf and I aren't married. We aren't even engaged yet, but we are having a child together in September. We've been together for a year. He has a daughter who will be 3 in a month and she and I get along great. I've told him that I don't want her to feel like I treat her differently than my own child and he loved that. She was so young when I met her that Im pretty sure she won't remember me not being in her life. Well I ask him permission to do things w her and most things he says no to. He knows I'm great w her. I had her all weekend and she had a great time! He was busy working on our house. Today I asked if I could take her to play w my best friends daughter and the only response I got was "no". It hurt my feelings. It was over text so I didn't respond (he's out fishing) but I'm upset. Why can't I take her to have a fun day? Does he not trust me to take her somewhere? Or do his parents have plans w her today? I know if his sister asked to take her, he would say yes..that's why my feelings are hurt. Maybe I'm trying to force this and I should just let it happen naturally. Any advice? Of and I was a nanny for 6 years and always had play dates. He doesn't like her around other kids but he us going to have to get over that w our son cuz I know the benefits to it and I'm not sheltering him from friends And as soon as she sees that she is going to want to do the same things! Ughhh! This is so difficult. But anyways, I'm upset w him but don't really know how to discuss it or of I should be or what ..sorry so long.

MikeandRonAdopt

@lilpeapod913 ... it doesn't sound like you are trying to force anything. Why do you have to ask permission to do every thing with your stepdaughter... if he is that concerned with what you're doing with her, he shouldn't be leaving you alone with her while he is off fishing. That's silly. Married or not, you're his 'other half'. Are you expected to stay in the house and not live if he isn't there?

SamiUK

I agree with Mike and Ron by sounds of what you said he has full custody? he's happy enough to let you watch her for a weekend but not for you to do this, kids need to be around kids there own age so he needs to learn to understand that what going to happen when she starts school?

Joaquins_mama

I totally agree with@MikeandRonAdopt. First off you were a nanny which means you have experience with children. I have a three year old and I know how much he hates to be cooped up in the house he loves to get out to go to the store or park. Its nbot fair he wants her to just sit around the house all day. I would be kind of offended if I was in your situation because he's trusting you enough to watch his child for him but you can't even take her somewhere? Wth?! Maybe you can sit down n tell him how you feel and how you don't feel its right you have some control but not really and about how you will have your son around friends and family? In the meantime maybe your bff can.come to your house for a playdate? Sorry so long.

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Chuieycuzca22

Does the mother have any interaction at all? Reason I'm asking is cause he may be doing that because if her. I know my sons dad is picky about who takes care of my son (meaning significant others and family) and I am the same. Like I will not let my sons uncles watch him cause the drink too much. Now that being said, if he does have full custody and mom isn't in the picture then I would maybe try to talk him to find out what his issue is. I'm sorry Hon.

lilpeapod913

He doesn't have full custody but this was his holiday so we've had her since friday. Until our house is done, we are living at his parents house. They were out of town over the weekend and came hone last night. I try to do everything as if she were my responsibility (because I love her and that's how ill be w my own) but when his parents r here his mom just takes over as if she were hers so there really is no room for me. When my child is here I won't allow her to just take over, And I will be there but since this one isn't mine, his mom doesn't back down to let me help. Its a tricky situation. As for my bff coming over here, once we get our house she can but Its weird being a guest at someone's house and having friends over. He gets stressed about her being around other kids..I don't get it but he definitely needs to get over that. He just called and explained that its not me but its something he needs to ease into (his daughter being around other kids. Apparently that is the part he has an issue with, not me taking her somewhere. He assured me he trusts me fully w her but he gets uneasy about her around other kids. It's strange to me but ill work w him on it. I wont be asking to take my son anywhere and I ask w her bc I know its all new to him. But it's gonna take a little bit I guess. None of his friends have kids yet so that might have something to do w it. My shower is in 8 weeks and his daughter will be there and so will all my friends so hopefully hw will see its ok @mikeandronadopt

lilpeapod913

@juaquins_mama and thanks everyone!

lilpeapod913

@chuieycuzca22 yes she I'd involved but he trusts me watching her and I would be there at my friends house. He's super overprotective of her so it feels like he doesn't trust my judgement and he doesn't understand why I feel that way. I guess it'll take time.

Chuieycuzca22

Yeah it will be ok. Blended families always go.through some growing pains. It does get better. Just keep showing your love and support.

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