*UPDATE* venting please read; bd is a selfish a-hole & feeling sorry for myself *update*
so I'm upset and crying at my desk right now. Ive cried all the way to work in the car after having a conversation with my babys father. We aren't together but I'm just upset that he gets to do whatever he wants and act like he's not even having a kid while I'm stuck pregnant and alone. Its not fair. He wants our son to have his last name when he #1 just started admitting that its his baby and #2 he doesn't do anything for me, if I call him, he might call me back a few days later, so how am I supposed to know its not going to be like that when the baby is actually here? He said well what exactly am I supposed to be doing? what do u want me to do, call u more and do small talk, what do u want from me?
As soon as I found out I was pregnant, he had a new gf (he had been cheating/lying to me whole time), and even tried to deny it was his. He came to one drs appt and did nothing to help me so I moved out of state to live with my parents. He was saying what can he do, I'm the one who moved, when he wasn't doing anything even before I moved, except tryign to make my life miserable. He said I made the choice to leave and have the baby, he didn't get a say. I said no i didn't have a choice, he says yea u did (abortion), but I'm not mad about it. Basically trying to say that I made the choice to have the baby and be myself. This is my first pregnancy and I do not believe in abortion, it is not a preventative form of contraception imo and I would never kill my child. He said he doesn't understand why i'm so upset, i said well maybe u would if u were pregnant and alone, he says well I wouldn't be pregnant and alone, that wouldn't happen to me. So what is he trying to say about me? He's the one who left me pregnant and alone but he would never be in my shoes becuz that wouldn't happen to him, fuckin asshole.
I'm just really upset that I have to go through everything alone while he gets to still go out and live his life, see/do whoever he wants, while I'm fuckin pregnant carrying HIS child and he doesn't even care.
ts a lot, I try not to get upset or think about it, but sometimes I find myself wide awake at night, while the babys moving and kicking me, just thinking about all this shit and it makes me upset. Then I have all these people in my business asking well is the dad going to be involved, is he coming to the birth, is he being supportive and I really don't know how to answer these questions because I don't have the answers myself. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me and not in a positive way. I feel like he gets the free pass while I'm the one left to suffer the stares and side comments. Its really none of their business but that doesn't stop people from asking. My dad keeps saying I need to get him to be more involved like I really have a choice. I just never imagined when I did have a child that it would be like this and under these circumstances. I try to be strong but its really all just very hurtful.
As soon as I found out I was pregnant, he had a new gf (he had been cheating/lying to me whole time), and even tried to deny it was his. He came to one drs appt and did nothing to help me so I moved out of state to live with my parents. He was saying what can he do, I'm the one who moved, when he wasn't doing anything even before I moved, except tryign to make my life miserable. He said I made the choice to leave and have the baby, he didn't get a say. I said no i didn't have a choice, he says yea u did (abortion), but I'm not mad about it. Basically trying to say that I made the choice to have the baby and be myself. This is my first pregnancy and I do not believe in abortion, it is not a preventative form of contraception imo and I would never kill my child. He said he doesn't understand why i'm so upset, i said well maybe u would if u were pregnant and alone, he says well I wouldn't be pregnant and alone, that wouldn't happen to me. So what is he trying to say about me? He's the one who left me pregnant and alone but he would never be in my shoes becuz that wouldn't happen to him, fuckin asshole.
I'm just really upset that I have to go through everything alone while he gets to still go out and live his life, see/do whoever he wants, while I'm fuckin pregnant carrying HIS child and he doesn't even care.
ts a lot, I try not to get upset or think about it, but sometimes I find myself wide awake at night, while the babys moving and kicking me, just thinking about all this shit and it makes me upset. Then I have all these people in my business asking well is the dad going to be involved, is he coming to the birth, is he being supportive and I really don't know how to answer these questions because I don't have the answers myself. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me and not in a positive way. I feel like he gets the free pass while I'm the one left to suffer the stares and side comments. Its really none of their business but that doesn't stop people from asking. My dad keeps saying I need to get him to be more involved like I really have a choice. I just never imagined when I did have a child that it would be like this and under these circumstances. I try to be strong but its really all just very hurtful.
Comments
And don't worry about what others say they are not going to be providing for your child you are so just do that best you can as a single parent... and as for your dad ask him to call and talk to your be maybe your dad will understand what you have been going through this whole time...I wish you the best!!!
It just sucks knowing that its not supposed to be this way, but it is and knowing that I'm going to have to do everything alone. I feel like instead of lookin at him like hes trifling, everyones looking at me like oh her life is over, she got knocked up and left with a baby.
But ur right I need to find things to do to take my mind off of him, but like I said, its mostly at night when i'm by myself wide awake that I start to think about these things.
btw I like that mommy and daddy are there, just not the sperm donor
@angieahrens yea he really is a jerk. After going to that one drs appt with me, we saw the baby for the first time on the ultrasound screen and heard the heartbeat. He walked out early, so I sent him a text with the picture of the baby that the tech gave me, and he wrote back saying whats sad is you're going to have a miserable baby just like you. Its one thing to one to take a dig at me but who talks shit about their own kid? I'm just trying to be civil because I want him to come for the birth and sign the birth certificate but after all the things hes done to me, I really wouldn't care if he dropped dead.
@ChelseaMarie aww thank you for ur sweet words! I love pregly, because there are people here who can give me real advice and relate to so many of the issues I deal with being pregnant because u've either been there/done that or are going through it. U are so right, nothing is going to change his mind except for him. As much as I've tried in the past to try to talk sense in him he just gave me his ass to kiss basically.
*update*
So he ended up texting me later that night asking was I feeling better. i didn't respond but since his whole thing earlier was "what do I want from him" I sent him a msg later that night saying I wanted him to act like he has a kid on the way and start saving up and to stop lying about dumb stuff that I already know the answer to. He calls me the next day asking once again what do I want, I said what didnt you understand about the texts? he said he didn't read them, hes not gonna read them, and he wants me to tell him what they said. So after going bak and forth about that I finally say basically they said start saving up and stop lying about dumb stuff. He then asks and what I mean by ( and quotes word for word what I said in the text). So I say oh I thought u didn't read them, see this is what I'm talkin about just stupid lies. He says he didn't read them and gets mad and hangs up on me. So calls back n he asks what did I lie about. I said He moved and I knew he moved and was told so by one of his coworkers, his exgf (the one he was with at the same time as me and he lied and said she was his ex), and his current bm (all very reliable sources). When I asked did he move, he flat out told me no, he's still at the same place, but was moving at the end of the month and didn't know where to. Not to mention all the lies that got us in this situation to begin with.
Hes the most disrespectful, rude, and callous person I've ever encountered in my life. I can't believe that I actually gave my body to someone like that. I'm just disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get in this situation with a person like him. He starts saying that I put myself in this situation, I ran off with my tail inbetween my legs back home to my mommy and daddy, he didn't want a kid, we were nothing, he never gave a fuck about me, he doesn't give a fuck about me or what happens to me, he doesn't even like me, we're enemies, that for some reason Im still tryin to be with him when I've known about all his dirt for a few months now so I must be a glutton for punishment, how i'm an awful person and he would never want to be my friend and doesn't see how I have friends. I would give him rides to work, pick up/drop off his son from/to school, we were together all the time, we worked together and the worst things people had say about me were that I was too nice and a bit of a pushover, he's the one who nobody at work liked, hes the one who lied to me, gave me stds, then got me preg, bounced with a new gf and I'm the awful person?? I just told him fuck u and hung up, then pulled over (i was driving) and started crying. then he starts sending me text saying real mature mom. When I composed myself I left him a msg saying at this point I don't want nothing from u, me and my son will be fine without u so fuck off and kiss my ass. He kept trying to call me back so I picked up and said why do u keep calling when u don't give a fuck about me or the baby. hes says the babys not here yet and that he cares about the baby just not about me. Actually dumbass the baby is here, hes inside of me and whatever I feel the baby feels so while ur upsetting me and harassing me ur actually causing me to send stress hormones to the baby, in essence by trying to hurt me, ur hurting the baby. But like he said already, he doesn't give a fuck.
He's getting me trying to get him involved and plan for what we we are going to do in the future with this baby twisted/confused with me trying to be with him. I moved to get away from him and have a more peaceful pregnancy because he wasn't doing anything and had a new gf. After everything hes done to me, I've been trying to do the right thing for my baby as I know what its like to grow up without a dad and I dont want that for my kid, but I can't deal with him. The way he makes me feel, he's not healthy for me or my baby. Initially he was planning to fly up for the birth but we ended on just letting the courts handle things.
This all happened yesterday and I'm still crying about it. He literally ruined my day. I was crying all day yesterday. My mom kept trying to get me to talk but I couldn't talk about it. I realized that I am/will be a single mom. Hell, have been since day one. I cant believe this is someone i slept with and actually got pregnant by and that afterward they could just treat me with such disrespect like i'm trash.
He called later that night saying he wanted to apologize and he didn't mean it and if he didn't give a fuck about me he wouldn't be calling me to apologize and he was just mad. But it doesn't even matter to me, u said what u said because that's what u feel, and u show that's how u feel by talking to me and treating me the way u do, its very obvious. His apology is about as insincere and fake as he is.