i feel like the worst person ever...

natashalynn

My daughter is 17 days old...

It kills me to say this, even though you're all strangers, I just know the judgements people are going to pass...

I wish I hadn't had her.

Fuck that sounds awful even to me, but I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about my old life, and how much I wish I had it back. I don't want to be a mom anymore, I just can't do it.

I'll clarify, I've never thought about hurting her. But I've thought about hurting myself, or at very least leaving, and never coming back.

I can't tell anyone around me. Her father, who I do love a lot, is my best friend, but he'd be so upset to hear this, and he'd be so offended personally. My family love her so much, they'd never understand either.

If I talk to a Dr, I'm scared of what they'd do. I don't want her taken out of my house, cause even if I was out of the picture, I know my parents and her father would take care of her (we all live together) I'm scared they'd put me back on anti depressants which are just terrible.(I was on them for two years)

I just feel like a sac of shit.

I wish I had chosen a different route to take with this entire pregnancy.

Please don't comment if you're going to be a dick. Clearly I'm not feeling awesome, and the last thing I need is jerks here.

More than anything I just needed to say the words I'm thinking...

blueberrysmom

Things can get better. You just ned some help right now. A Dr. can help. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon and they can help you get better. You're in my prayers!

snowflake

you could have real bad post partum depression or baby blues. did you feel that way while pregnant or just since you had her? you really should mention it to your dr,he/she will know how to help you. i had the baby blues with all of mine,though i never wished i hadnt had my child,everyone is different. i just cried all the time even for no reason. good luck and i hope you get to feel ok soon

BeautifulOne

I'm sorry you feel this way hun, but please talk to somebody. Your doctor can refer you to the right people. I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I do hope you talk to someone. Everything will be ok.

pnsw524

Some woman feel that way after having their little one, you need to talk to someone & get help. Even if you talk to a psychologist or someone that doesn't know your family or your vest friend. its hard to give up your old life but once she starts doing more then just eating & sleeping I think you'll feel better! Kids change your life but in a positive way, even if it doesn't seem like it at 1st. I'm 20 & sometimes I miss being able to go out or the freedom my husband & I once had but I would NOT trade my little man for the world. Just think of the positives, it'll all get better!

azmom

Yes it definitely sounds like postpartum depression I had it...its Normal doctors need to know. About it.....counseling is what I'd suggest.....it will go away....I love my son more than anything n cant picture life without him..u will get there

[Deleted User]

You're so hard on yourself. You should know many women experience this after birth, you are definetly not alone. What if you just tell your family and your husband ever since birth that you feel very upset and crying.you could mention that you fear that this is some kind of chemical imbalance caused by birth. You don't have to say I wish I haven't had her. Tell them you really need to talk to someone professional in order to be a better mom. I'm sure everyone will understand. When you speak with a doctor , they can't tell anyone else. Don't fear that anyone will find out. Just be really open and pour your heart out. Do not feel bad. I am also going to research if there is an anonymous line , you could call to get through this. If you like ill even give you my phone number. Just be strong. Which state are you in?

[Deleted User]

http://www.thehelpline.org/your-babys-first-year/post-partum-issues-for-mom/

There is a number on this website that is free and confidental. Please call them and read about it. What your going thru is totally treatable.

smcox

I agree you really need to talk to your doctor. They are the only ones that are gonna be able to help get you passed this. I'm really sorry you're going through that. You are not a sack of crap! I promise!

Mylittleman2011

You are in my thoughts and prayers! Please remember you are not alone in the way you are feeling and this will pass you do need help with it though. Also please know if you left forever your little one would always wonder y she wasn't good enough for you or y you didn't want her. No matter what her dad and your parents tell her she will always think it's her fault. She picked you to be her mommy cause she knew you would love her too! Please be safe and know your not alone.

gsmommy

u are not alone! I felt exactly the same way when I had my son, I thought there was something wrong with me abd I never told anyone...i should have because I had ir for far too long and missed out on the bonding for tge first 6 months, I urge u to talk to someone about it because it can get better...im here if u need to talk.to someone who went through it

mrs_shu

Talk to your dr. Nobody is going to come to the house and take the baby. If after talking to the dr and any options don't sound or seem workable, please consider letting her father have full custody. There's. NO shame in having a child amd doing that. If this is more than post partum, please don't keep her based on fear of failure, what other people will think. More damage will be done by that choice to you and the child.

KalikoJenie

I hac that with my daughter. In fact I ended up going to work just so I didn't have to be home with her. My doctor instinctivly knew right after birth that I was depressed because I was more worried about me then her. I love my daughter and wouldn't change the fact that I had her for anything, but those first few months for me made me think my life was over, but it isn't it is the beginning of a new life and yes once she started doing more then sleep and eat I felt more connected to her. I wished that I had actually talked to someone about it, maybe the transition would have been better. I'm sorry your feeling this way and if you want to talk I'm here as well

RizzyChicky

See a doctor! For the sake of you, your baby & your loved ones. You can do it!

survivormommie3

i know it sucks. but if you explain to your/a doctor that you "just want your old life back" and aren't adjusting to this baby deal and what not they'll help you out. they wont take her from you or lock you up. and it's difficult to adjust to a baby. i mean it goes from your life to THEIR life in a millisecond. a lot of it could be your hormones being so out of whack. and that's ok too. but while you are thinking about it, i hope you don't hurt yourself. please don't. this is a rough time. and just because others aren't going to "like" what you say or how you are feeling many people have the same feelings. antidepressants may not be your way to go. so maybe something else. but I do have to say 2-6 wks is the adjustment period between having a baby and the time your hormones start to level out is about that time. but seeing a doctor before you get too depressed is ok. try it. and if they hand you a script and don't .help with anything else, you still have a CHOICE to take the anti-d's.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

kellybelly81

It's so common to feel so overwhelmed after a baby. And feeling like what the hell have i done etc. And you feel like if you tell your loved ones how you really feel they will think badly or differently about you. At first they may not react in the best way but that is because they're not sure how to help you just yet. That's why it's important to tell your doctor how you feel so that you can get the practical and emotional support that is out there waiting. And your family will learn to understand how to help eventually if you explain what this depression makes you feel. You really need to take lots me care and get the help you deserve. One thing is for sure is that your loved ones will still love you lots and your baby will eventually be what gives you the strength to get through this.

kenziesmom216

it will get better with time . my daughter is 18 days old and for the first few days i felt the same way . but trust me it will get better . its very hard . i love my daughter more then life itself . but i would definitley talk to somebody . somebody very close to you or somebody that you can trust . i ALWAYS talked to my fiances momma and my momma because my fiance is not here with me right now . hes currently incarcerated and he doesnt understand the stress i have right now . but i hope things work out for you girl . it will all get better in time . i promise . ALWAYS think about your baby girl . she is definitley worth it .

kellybelly81

I hope all is going well for you now x

Alwayzbeenurz2008

It really sounds like postpartum depression to me, you can call a hotline or something and talk to someone sometimes it really helps to talk to someone outside of family or friends.. They wont judge you and they will help you threw your feelings. It's natural to feel that way... I hope by now u've gotten to talk with someone. Just know we are all here for you! Thats what we do we support each other here. Just know you are not alone, we may not be there with you but we are here for you. Just a comment away

salsabia

I started wellbutrin. I feel lots better. No crazy side effects. What antidepressant have you taken in past? Some make you feel like a zombie.