watching a lifetime movie and i gotta question

mama_underpants

In short my question is, do u think its ok for a black or mixed child by just caucasion parents. The mom is white and dad black(rich b-ball player) and the dad is saying he and his wife should raise the child, bc they are black, even tho the child is mixed.
Im having a mixed baby, that is going to raised by only caucasion parents. In fact she won't ever even know her bio dad.......opinions? Be gentle

mama_underpants

@OregonMama I agree. But their sayin(on the movie) that the dad and his family would do a better job bc he understands what its like to be black and that the mother doesn't.

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keeleab

I seen that movie Its wrong for him 2 try and take the baby away cuz he wants the baby rasied by a black family, it doesn't matter what color u are if u have 2 raise your baby w/ out the father just do the best u can do, all your baby needs is love. If u don't mind me asking y will your baby never know her dad?

mama_underpants

Thank you! @FirstTimeMommyToBe. I agree. This movie has just me thinking, what other ppl think.

mama_underpants

@keeleab. In short, my husband and I were going thru a divorce. I got preg. And knew it was obv a huge mistake. The "donor" denied it, saying I wasn't really preg, and if I were its not his w/e. Honestly there is a small chance it might be husbands (please don't judge) but anyways, since the second I told my hubby I was preg, he's been there for me and with me. The other guy still is in denial, and he don't want nothing to do with me. And my hubby loves me enough that he's gonna raise her with me. (Btw, this is my 3rd baby...but he has a son, that's not mine, so total, were gonna have 4 kids, wow. Lol)

jellybelly1015

I think it is crazy. A couple friends of mine can't have kids. They are both caucasian and went for adoption. Their baby is black, not mixed, and man he is so loved!!! No one questions them and they shouldn't!!!

socalMOMMA2boys

that last argument could go both ways since the kid is black and white. Either parent would have something to teach him about where he came from. But that's the movie right? In real life lol being an adoptee myself I always think that is cute when their are parents with a child that is a difference race then mom and dad. Love crosses all borders and skin tones and a mommy and daddy love their child no matter where they got em. That is so precious.

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mama_underpants

@jellybelly1015 that's nice that no one says anything to them or about them., cause that's what I wonder about, what's being said behind my back

socalMOMMA2boys

@mama_underpants so if I follow right you are back with husband? And baby on way might be black? if so that is way cool of him to step up anyways now that you have worked things out. Might get a few questions down the road but who cares as long as mommy and daddy love him

jellybelly1015

Maybe they do, but I guarantee we'd beat them if we ever heard it lol, they are good parents!!! the thing is ppl are always going to say something. it doesn't matter has long as the family is solid!

mama_underpants

@socalMOMMA2boys yea. From 3d u/s I'm like 95% sure its not my hubbys. But I do admire him for stepping up. I don't live in a fairytale believing everything is gonna be peachy keen at all time. But were trying. And she will be here in 29 days not many know our situtation, so when she's here I have anxiety about what gonna be said.

socalMOMMA2boys

I can see why you would be nervous. Good thing you have great support with hubby. If you don't mind if I ask what did you see in the u/s that made you think that?

mama_underpants

@socalMOMMA2boys she just look like the other guy. (Ironically they are both named Aaron lol) Other Aaron has 2 other kids, and their dominent feature is his lips, the shape, and she has the shape too. And his nose, but in reality, both Aarons have what I refer to as a "lions nose" so yea. I have a a strong feeling about it, just like I had a strong feeling she was a girl, which I somehow think its made the situation a bit better. I just can imagine bringing her to church for the 1st time, and wondering what our friends/ church family will say.....OR won't say and just think lol

[Deleted User]

@mama_unerpants- to answer your question I don't think its a matter of which race can raise the better child but the cultural experience. Whether people admit it or not, if your your even a drop mixed with black or come out with a skin tone you are considered black. And that changes the way others view you. I'm not saying all but many.people have this convoluted idea of how black people are and it tends to be expressed in the the way they treat them too. To be honest and with all due respect, your child may have a difficult time growing up especially as the "darker" of your children and having to deal with that. I'm speaking from experience as I am mixed and basically inherited my skin tone from my mother (which is black) as feature wise I look just like my dad (fair skinned spanish). Its jacked up that the world is this way and nothing against you, but one can't understand completely the obstacles other races face. I'm sure you will show that child love is paramount above all and can conquer those injustices
@Firsttimemommytobe- wow. Being black isn't that hard. Hmm. Apparently you have never been discrimated against based soley on your skin color or had negative things attributed to you because of your race alone. You are fortunate to have never experienced that but unfortunately being black is hard regardless of how much education dignity or experience you have, people still judge you. and I can tell when it's based on my race.you would think things would be different in 2011, but its not.

socalMOMMA2boys

Its always the nose lol. At least you won't be lying when you tell people she is aarons.

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[Deleted User]

@firsttimemommytobe- I dont let those things get to me at all. I was just responding to your comment that its "not that hard to be black" and gave some examples. Thats all

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MikeandRonAdopt

I don't think there is anything wrong with transracial adoption as long as you acknowledge race and don't try to pull the "we don't see color" thing, because the world does see color. And that's ok.

There are a lot of white familes who adopt AA or biracial children who live in predominantly white neighborhoods, send their kids to predominantly white schools and have little to no friends who are not white. I think that is so sad.

If we are placed by our agency, it will most likely be with an AA or biracial baby. Our friends are every race and nationality under the sun and infact most of Ron's friends are women of color.

MikeandRonAdopt

We also live in a very nice, very diverse and integrated suburban town.

mama_underpants

@MikeandRonAdopt you make a good point about the adoption side of things. Honestly tho, I come from a family of 10 kids and 3 are black, and ppl always stared at us. All the time. So I worry about the same thing with my daughter. The only race they will see is her "darker" side. And her being with a all white family......idk maybe I'm just being paranoid lol

MikeandRonAdopt

@mama_underpants ... people will always stare for one reason for another. Our child(ren) will have a daddy and a papa.

They will be tought to be proud of our family, the fact that we are unique, proud that they were adopted and proud to be part of a blended family.

I hear what you're saying, it's just something we're used to.

mama_underpants

Oh @MikeandRonAdopt btw, 7/10 of us were adopted....