L& D drama...anyone else in fear of this?*updated :(

Mama_busy_bee

So, everyone and their mama wants to be in my L & D room. Never had this problem with my former in laws....but the new hubby's family really is excited-- its his first baby.

My sister also wants to come, and hubby thinks she will be overbearing (think "Knocked Up" sister where he has to tell her to BACK THE EFF OFF).

I think the more people that come, the harder it will be and make me anxious and slow stuff down.

I don't even really want some of his family or my friends (who never come around now, but suddenly want to be at the hospital) to come afterwards. Im gonna be tired, trying to breastfeed and just plain in need of alone time. Whats the best way to handle this?? Just don't call anyone?? shut the phones off?? As it is I told my kids and sister not to post anything on FB until I do but you know how that goes...

My oldest daughter wants to come too, and my MIL put me on the spot about wanting to be there (though she took off to Texas last weekend knowing i was already dialating).... How many is too many? I would rather go just me and him and see everyone when I get home....urg. I never had this issue the last 3 pregnancies. I told my sister they may kick people out and she got all offended....ugh.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

mgrose

My opinion, don't you think its kinda a personal experience between you and hubby? Idk about you but I know I wouldn't want all those people seein my vag ect, child birth wasn't pretty for me, and I wouldn't want anyone but hubby there! Simply.....you and hubby made the baby and you and hubby should be able to enjoy its birth without worrying about bein uncomfortable around anyone!

Mama_busy_bee

Yeah its like a repeat of the baby shower. I should explain my sister has no kids or husband of her own and several issues...and really hates that she hasn't had a kid. She kinda took over my baby shower, even wore a dress that was same as my theme....though i didn't...ugh. I blame hubby as far as my MIL....his fault. He apparently asked her if she had talked to me yet about being in the room. I could kill him. I think he is nervous. I don't mind my daughter but I think she will be bored out of her mind. I guess its more the recovery after. I know his crazy aunt and real mother will want to come and they are kinda trashy... Its hard enough to breastfeed, and if your not relaxed its worse.

I guess it will all work out. I was wanting a weekend induction but if its during work hours or middle of the night maybe I won't have a worry lol.

mummytuube

They only allow 2-3 ppl in with u in the uk dunoo about usa

MorgDeeBee

I know at the hospital I delivered at I could only have 2 people in the room. You could always tell them that since you can only pick one other person you aren't picking anyone so no ones feelimhs are hurt. Just tell everyone you'd rather them come by your house after you get out of the hospital so your family can bond

Mama_busy_bee

They let as many as you want, and sis knows it cuz her friend told her. I love my sister but I don't want my hubby feeling like she is causing a scene or disrupting the moment. She got all pissed today and said 'whatever call me when your home then F*$k it!" Cuz i said that i didn't want an audience.

I told her if there is a C Section only he's going thats the rule for reals. I just wondered how common this issue is for other preglies.

Mama_busy_bee

Ugh i had originally asked her to babysit....she got offended. Now shes askib if she should pack a bag...told her theres only one cot...im sure hubby will tell her to stay in her area lol.

mam082711

At my hospital they only allow 3 people in during delivery, and they have bracelets. My mom and fiance will be there, no one else. If his mom asks, I'm lying and saying there's only 2 bracelets lol I don't particularly want anyone else seeing my lady bits...and of those with bracelets, only 1 can stay overnight which will be my fiance. I'm only allowing our immediate family to come up after delivery bc I only get 48 hrs in the hospital for vaginal delivery and I'm a ftm so I have a lot to learn, and I'll be tired. There'll be plenty of time afterwards. Even though (I assume) you're not a ftm you could put it that way. It's your day and there's a lot of stuff to go over before they boot you out. Tell them they're more than welcome to come visit but you'll let them know when you're ready. This is one thing that's okay to be a bitch/pushy about in my opinion :-D

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Rissalee7

For mine I had my bf mom and stepmom two to hold my legs and chad was my coach

Mama_busy_bee

My sis has never been there...hubby feels like shes jealous n living vicariously thru. Shes a heavy drinker....n very dramatic. As far as visitors after im gonna have him tell everyone the news but that theres no room or time for visits n that i dont feel up to it. Ibwanna just breastfeed etc.

Mama_busy_bee

He is overly blunt....kinda worried he will tell my sister off....which i dont want lol

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

ExcitedNewMom

Honestly u dnt have to call anyone if u dnt want them around.. as for all the ppl wanting to be in the room the way i dealt with it was telling everyone tht it will jus be me n my bf in the room. I dnt want anyone on my side to make him feel any kind of way in the room bcuz they can be over bearing. N i dnt want his family around me telling me wat to do. Hes very happy with that decision

valentinasmommy

I would just say "i don't want anyone in the room" you don't have to let them come. If they get mad so what. You'll get your space in the room. If they come anyway have the doctor escort them out. This is your day. If you want no one in the room then you deserve no one in the room. This is YOUR day. The only day of the birth of this child. You won't get that day back. So make it how you want it to be made.

Mama_busy_bee

Thank you guys...I guess I am a pushover type especially with my little sister. She kinda assumes she's invited places and other things, and really made my baby shower dramatic and got mad my MIL was helping.....then dressed with my babyshower theme....She lost a baby earlier this year and I feel for her....but I also know my husband is very nervous as this is his first time and I think he don't want her all up in his business about it.

Since I can't depend on her to babysit (if its a friday night that i go, she will be at a bar) I asked my sister in law....and that offended my sister too. I don't know I guess i need to not please her so much I just feel bad with her losing her baby after she couldn't conceive for years. I guess I need to be upfront with her because if I am not, he DEFINITELY will be. He has yelled at her before for being a pushy bitch lol. We are like polar opposites....guess I have always coddled her.

There really is only room for 2 people in most places, a cot/pad place and a chair. If its overnight, only him for sure. I even told my oldest child that she may not get to go. I know she really wants to (and its great birth control lol) but its not fair to her other sisters.

As for visitation I think hubby can handle his family....they are a whole different story

angel26

For me it will be my husband and my mom and mil. My mom was in for my 1st, my mil was in for the 2nd and now they both going to be. I'm a little nurvus(sp) cuz I know there might be some issues. My mil lives in az 13 hours away and doesn't get much time with my kids. She thinks she deserves all the time she wants. And if this is a girl I can garrentee(sp) there will be problems. Because it will be her 1st granddaughter. (My husband is her only child, she has a step son who's done with kids(had 1 boy)). And my mom gets a little possesive of me and doesn't like that mil wants to always hold baby. My mom has a granddaughter but we don't see her much. And then there's my husband. Who if my mom buggs him he will say something and cause drama. I also am a push over and don't like hurting peoples feelings. This is my 3rd and I am almost to the point where (if its a girl) I want a c section. Cuz that's the only way to be alone with my husband. (And to get babied) lol. I know its stupid. But that's how I'm starting to feel.
Sorry to make it so long, I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. And I wish I had some advice like these other ladies. But in reality I'm also scared and willing to have surgery just to avoid it all. Sorry. @mama_busy_bee

camommy

My hospital will only let me have 4. You can always ask the nurses to tell people to leave they will gladly tell everyone to get out if u want then its on them and not you

jcmommy

You can't have that many people. Before they come discuss with the nurses that you only want these certain people in the room and when it comes time, the nurses will do your dirty work. My first labor was very stressful because of everyone that wanted to be there. This time, we're cutting off our phones until I'm done and had a chance to bond first.

Mama_busy_bee

@angel26 you kinda sound like you get what I am saying, no issue yet but you know what will come....and it will just be tension. I kinda think the same way (if I have a C section they can all go away!) I have the issue of a crazy MIL and a overbearing Step-MIL (can you imagine 2 mother in laws!). The crazy one always has scabs on her arms. we both dont want her holding the baby....but he wants his Stepmom there. blah. Just glad my mom isn't here!

My hubby will say something to them all...his family knows how he is, but my sister will get bouty with him she is just as ballsy lol. and I don't want to hurt her feelings. I think I will just tell my daughter she can't come, she is only 14 anyway but she really wants to.

Mama_busy_bee

@jcmommy yeah thats my feeling. its not a big room... I think it would impede progress. and as for visiting i think with the nurses coming to check you n massage the uterus and check the size...i dont' exactly want extended family watching. plus learning to breastfeed in an already sterile environment...ugh.

Mama_busy_bee

Lol as i typed that last post...i get a text....from Crazy Aunt (one i don't want to even visit)....your suppose to be having that baby today! I was like nope still at work. Its like they know we won't call lol....

Mama_busy_bee

haha! 10 mins later, MIL calls to check on me....like really?? You guys never call me! And she didn't think anything of leaving town last weekend knowing i was dialating....jebus.

angel26

@mama_busy_bee I understand completely.your situation sounds so similar besides the step mil. My hubby sounds like yours. My relationship. With my mom sound similar to yours with your sis. Its just so frustrating. But I'm not due til dec so I have time to "hope" for issues so I can have c section. Lol. I hope you get it figured out. Let me know how you handle it. Lol.

Mama_busy_bee

@angel26 just saw this sorry! So far my sister just knows im waiting on a phone call to go in this week. She doesnt know its any minute now. Decided my step MIL won't be so bad, in fact my hubbys being the cranky one right at the moment and she will keep him from yelling at nurses lol. I was hoping to get induced at 3 am so everyone's at work. This weekend also we let my bio-MIL know that we dont want any visitors at the actual hospital we will bring the baby over.

I will let you know how it goes, i am sure whover shows up it will be fine i am just so damn moody and emotional this last month.

vette_devil

It's completely up to you in my book; you're doing all the work in there!!! I am with you; I only want my hubby & our daughter (up until I'm ready to push, then she'll go outside w/family). My MIL has asked me 3 times if they can come & wait & I've said NO every time. The thought of a waiting room full of people waiting on me utterly horrify's me... let alone the thought of any of them actually being in the room during!!!... uh, yeah... we're not going to tell anyone we don't want there what's going on until it's over. Then, when I don't want company, I have a sign made that say's "Mom & Baby are resting; please come back later"... that is going on the door anytime I damn well feel like it!!! And I will definitely be silencing my phone at that time as well! Being a new mom is hard enough, and in my opinion, anyone who's had a child SHOULD understand!!!

Mama_busy_bee

@vette_devil The sign is a great idea! Well hospital literature says visitors are at mom's discretion. my MIL looked all sad when we told her we didn't want her there or any visitors till we got home.

KalikoJenie

I was having the same issue. So many people waant to be there but I really only want my bf. We pretty much decided not to tell anyone til its over then just be like it happened so fast! Didn't have time to call sry...

vette_devil

I love the idea, too! Mostly because I have the in-laws that show up whenever they feel like it -unannounced- and stay for hourrrrrrs... they also expect us to entertain them... I absolutely hated life when my daughter was newborn; they showed up at 9:30pm one night when my husband was having a very rare night out with his friends & got mad because I had no idea they were coming, was already in my pj's & didn't want to answer the door because I was home alone w/my baby & it was dark out & I was a little scared... jerks!!! It has litterally got to the point several times where I will be home when they show up but not answer the door... I tell them later I was napping & if they had called first I would have known I was going to have company & been up... lol...

kayleigh27

I wish we could have had more time. We had told the mil that we wanted to be alone and spend some time alone with the baby. I had a csection and that morning my mil was already sitting out in the waiting room! And after I had just gotten out of the surgery she was already blowing up my husbands phone on when she could come back...ugh! Well an hour later she just moseyed her way into our room and here I am trying to breastfeed and had nurses lifting up my blankets to check my whoha to see how much I was bleeding. Like really? You couldn't. Wait another hour or so until we got out of recovery?? Its not like its her first grandchild (its the 4th) or first granddaughter (its the 3rd) but I guess with my husband being her first son she wad all excited. But anyhow we go up stairs to our room and then she stays for another 2-3 hours before she finally left. Mind you I was up ALL NIGHT prior to my csection due to my nerves so im pretty tired. But a couple of hours later my MIL and the rest of my husbands family comes in! So now im annoyed because I still haven't slept at all. So im still trying to breastfeed but I don't want a huge audience so I just give my baby formula...which REALLY bothered and annoyed me! So finally they leave after a few hours but I don't get much sleep due to Drs and nurses coming in and out all night long and making me walk. So then the next morning his sister and her family come over with their two small children. The 3 yr old is throwing tantrums and the 13 month old is screaming for no reason! I must have looked pissed because they left after about a hour. Then his mil and family come later that night!! It just never stopped and I didn't get much sleep the rest of that time. And because no family of mine lived close by and his family taking a family trip for 2 wks and my husband returning to work a few days after left me completly on my own to take care of a baby I had no experience with whatsoever for her first two wks until my mom finally drove down from Texas to visit....so just be a bit rude with them like I wish I was with my inlaws