need support...my bf is going to re-enlist...

jazzi89

idk what to think. my bf just told me today that he is thinking about re-enlisting. im proud that he wants to serve our country but im a first time mom. we have only been together since november and im almost 8 months preg with our daughter. idk what id do without him here to help. we just bought a house and have a ton of pets. im not close with his family or my own for that matter. i have no one here. im afraid im going to fall apart if he leaves. :_( im so upset right now

jazzi89

and to make things worse we were watching a war movie today it was a documentary style movie and i started balling! i dont want to lose him, he means the world to me

bradford2

My husband enlisted when I was 6 months pregnant and was gone the for almost the whole first year because of training, your bf wont have training and may not deploy. I had family around but we were not close so it was like being alone. Now we live on the other side of the country and he deploys next spring and I really have no one. You just have to put your self out there and make friends going thru what you going thru

jazzi89

@2ndbutfirst i do try to think of the positives but im freaking out. he wants to re-enlist because he loved being in the forces and want to go to war. his old unit just got sent over seas and he wishes he went with them. he wants to go fight overseas which is why im so upset. i dont want to lose him. @bradford2 ya he wont have to do training again or anything but im worried hes going to get deployed because he wants to bad. its really hard because i dont know anyone here and im going to school have no job no vehicle and a baby on the way. i dont want my daughter growing up not really knowing her daddy

1sttimerarmywife

A lot of bases have support groups through the hospital that can hook you up with other women sharing your situation....you're not alone in this sweetie, we've all been there...where are you guys stationed? Have you asked him what he loves about it? Does he understand your concerns? The worst thing is to freak out alone...

jazzi89

we arent stationed anywhere, hes been out for about a yr now. and we arent married or getting married anytime soon so idk if id b able to go with him to base. idk anything about the forces so im at a loss. he just keeps telling me that if he dies his daughter will know that he died a hero. ugh ijust dont know what to do.i want to support his decision but then who is going to b there for me for support?

1sttimerarmywife

@jazzi89 You won't be able to live in base housing with him if you're not married and you won't be notified about anything while he's gone, they will only inform family of troop movemements, coming home dates and stuff like that...it is hard to be a girlfriend left at home there is a big hold on re-enlistments right now for some branches...what branch is he going back to? Sorry about all the questions and maybe I am going a bit tmi, but I just want to try to help :"> military life is hard, but you can always come to us military gals for support sweetie, I hope you know that!

misskristin

@jazzi89 While there is always a risk to them leaving...statistically, more of them come home alive than not. Thousands of our troops have gone overseas and thousands have come home. I'm sympathetic to those who have lost, but if you dwell on the possibility of him dying, you will only drive yourself crazy.

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sands3

This is my husbands second enlistment and second deployment. It is very hard but you have to keep yourself busy and try not to worry. He left the beginning of April and will not be home in time for the birth of our second baby boy. We currently have a 3 yr old and a dog. It does get stressful at times, but its also rewarding. Knowing your husband/bf is defending our freedom. I'm very proud of my husband and support him 110%. I hope he stays in til retirement. It's a guaranteed job, pay, and insurance. Good luck.

jazzi89

thank you everyone for your support. my bf is in the army and he did ied's? if thats right. he works with bombs. he told me that his job is the most dangerous and thats what makes me nervous. we arent going to get married ever probably because we are both not in love with the whole marriage thing. thats what makes it so hard. ill know nothing about his movements or anything. i am proud that he wants to serve his country but it is going to b extremely hard for me if he does...

ashley_smashley

I have stated many times how I feel about the military so I wont say it again..what I will say is that if his heart is set on this re-enlistment...and you want to support him...you both need to get married. I know you said that you arent 'in love' with the idea of marriage..but that is the only way that you will be guaranteed benefits, healthcare, and will be able to get group support from other families in the unit. Also, should the worst happen you will also continue to have health care, and other great benefits after his passing for you and your child.

ashley_smashley

**and I say this as a former Army wife, and now Airforce wife** Also, keep in mind that a lot of units frown on marriages before deployments..so make sure you dont wait until the last minute for that either...

jazzi89

@ashley_smashley thats the thing, my bf will never get married. not to me or anyone else. hes told me thousands of times. so im at a loss.

ashley_smashley

Well make sure he understands that as just a girlfriend you will have no rights to anything. No support from the family rediness groups...and no heathcare. Also, should the worst happen you will pretty much not exist in the eyes of the military...I mean if he is going to make this decision..then he needs to be smart about it and make sure that you and his child are taken care of. You 2 should be his first priority.

jazzi89

ya idk what to do . i think that he thinks we will b fine on our own without his help but being a single mom seems very difficult and i am in school full time with a house to take care of and bills. idk how i can juggle school, full time job, plus newborn and still be sane. im going to be a mess if he reenlists

sands3

I'm not sure how the Army works, my husband is Marine, but for us, you can still attend Family Readiness Groups and get emails and phone calls as to whats going on during the deployment. I do agree that marriage is best in this situation. Your baby will be covered under his insurance, but you will not. Like @ashley_smashley said, if the wrost happens, you will not exist because of not being married. I hope ya'll cal figure everything out and I wish you the best!

ashley_smashley

Thats why you are going to need support from people who are currently going thru the same thing as you (thats what the family readiness groups are for). and there is childcare on base, that could help while you are working and going to school. He may think that you will be able to handle all of that by yourself..but he needs to think about if the situation was reversed and you were leaving..would he be able to handle all of that by himself? Probably not..unless you are superman no one could do it all on their own and still be sane!

jazzi89

@sands3 ya idk anything about any military. i just started dating my bf in november and didnt know he was in the army til after we started dating. hes the only person i know in the military. Ayva is already covered under my insurance but idk if thats going to be enough if he leaves. im afraid to bring up marriage cuz it makes him mad. ugh. ive also heard terrible stories from him about the stations. hes told me about all the guys sleeping with the army sluts and everything. and idk if i could handle him being at a fort and thinking about all the things hes told me about them. sorry if i offend anyone. really not trying too, just saying what i was told.

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ashley_smashley

lol well that happens with all branches...and its not just the women being sluts its the men to lol. But there is also good families with great support. He may be mad..but if you two are in a commited relationship then you need to have an adult conversation about all the possibilities and the best for your family. The conversation may be hard but just because its hard doesnt mean it still doenst need to happen. Stay strong and no matter the outcome just know that you will get thru it...

jazzi89

ya i do support him and his decision but i didnt knw he was in the military when i met him and then when i did find out he said he was done with it and then we found out we were preg after having just started dating and he said he was going to stay there and we were going to make it work. but now all of a sudden he wants to reenlist again. and ya i know its the guys too at the forts. and that also makes me extremely nervous. hes told me stories about him going to parties and whatnot and you know. and i was the same way. but honestly who is going to want to sleep with an 8month preg chick. him on the other hand is very good looking and only 20yrs old. i just dont know what to think about the whole situation.

QweenNique

What branch is he in... I just read the first in last post, sorry if you already said it...

mommy3

@jazzi89, I think these ladies are right, marriage does sound best.. & if not marriage then he needs to at least make sure he sets the baby up on all the benefits she can get & make sure there is always someone who can be there as somewhat of support for you! You need to be supportive, but so does he.. and for some reason, I'm not seeing where he's being all that supportive.. & I'm not sure why he'd want to tell you all of the bad parts of the military & leave you clueless about the rest! My husband is a Marine, he deploys in September.. and I'm all set with support & everything my daughter & I will need.. married or not, he needs to be more supportive to you so you can be supportive to him!

jazzi89

hes in the army. works with bombs
@QweenNique

jazzi89

@mommy3 ya it seems that would be best, but i just dont see it happening. he told me all the bad stuff when i first found out because i wanted to know how life on base was. he said it was a constant party. i was fine with it cuz whatever we were together now and he was done with the military. but now im freaking out wondering if hes going to fall into that type of habit again being that he is only 20 and good looking. and no one knows that he has a gf and kid on a base. ugh idk if im just being stupid or what but this is really bothering me...

mommy3

@jazzi89, it almost sounds like he wants to scare you! & no, living on base isn't a constant party! He'll live in barracks.. with male roommates & they limit the alcohol you can have in each room & have other soldiers on duty to do room checks. So him partying would happen if he went off base to a bar or something. My husband & I don't live on base.. but we have friends that do & base housing is very family friendly.. playgrounds everywhere, community centers, & things like that! When we have cookouts, we always go to a friends place on base so its fun for the kids too! I could tell you so much, but its hard on here.. I wish your boy friend was more open about all of this & not just making it sound horrible!

jazzi89

ya idk y he tells me those sort of things. ive seen pics of him in the barracks with his roommates and they were always drinking. i think the thing that scares me most is him being so young and i know he wasnt ready for a kid and it just worries me that hell have his old life back and be free. i wish i would tell me what his decision was already so i could stop freaking out.