Last names....(lengthy but please read i would really like some feedback)

Ok so a little background info. I broke up with my bd a few months ago. I asked him to quit somking weed and he had no intrest in doing so therefore I left him. Well he has done nothing for our son at all no diapers no clothes no nothing. His family has contributed alot and im very greatful for all they do. but for me a DAD or FATHER would be the one making these types of purchases instead of spending what little bit of a check he has on weed.

Well since we broke up his mother mind you HIS MOTHER pointed that her son has done nothing for this baby which I already knew but she thought up the notion of giving the baby my last name. I have a daughter from a previous realtionship and she has my last name. and his mom thought that it would be easier for me to just keep them both my name.

Well i guess in the heat of an arguement his mother told her that I had decided to give our son my last name. my reasons are because he has done nothing whatsoever for him this entire pregnancy. and to me if im going to give my child your last name there needs to be some sort of long term commitment which he does not want because im not worth giving up weed.

So im a high risk 8 month pregnant women with a 2 year old and he has threatened me spit on my car and has gone balistic over this whole last name bit. Told me to change his middle name and that he refuses to be on the birth certificate because i am not honoring him. He told me that he will do nothing for a child that does not carry his last name. amoung so very hurtful things that i would rather not put up here. it has been a very stressfull week for me and its only wed. I guess im asking you other mommas if im being completly unreasonable.

Comments

  • I think you're doing the right thing. Sadly, its clear that he doesn't care about either of you, so why would you do that for him. I know that if me and my bf ended up splitting before our daughter was born, she would definitely get my last name. I wouldn't allow him that privilege.
  • No you're not, just because he's the father doesn't mean the child has to have his last name, I'm not sure why all men think like this, my bf and I got in a huge fight about it because I don't want our son to have his last name unless we're married since if we split up I would take our son and I would like to not have to constantly prove that he's my child, we've fought about it a lot and never came to an agreement. If he's not willing to provide for his own child then the child should not get his last name there's no point!
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  • Definitely should have your last name.
  • I think you had very good reasons for giving the new baby your last name. The fact that you and your daughter already share that last name is the most important to me. Him flipping out on you and acting immature proves he doesn't need to to give his last name to anyone.

    And he doesn't have to sign the bc for you to be able to get child support, so it doesn't hurt you and just makes him look like a fool.
  • He will be court ordered to support your child. Screw him. And no, your child does not need his last name to get child support. Stupid boy...
  • Make sure u give ur baby ur last name in this situation. He doesnt need to sign the birth certifercate. The court can order a dna and he will still have to pay child support.
  • No not if u plan on being a single mom he has no say.. You just have to get a pattition for paternity.. He doesnt have to be on the B/C he would just be making it harder on himself and by the time he had a child support notice he'd be a few months behind eich is only going to complicate his life.. Sorry u have to deal w him.. Good luck
  • Uhm he was already doing NOTHING for a child that was going to have his last name so now that you've changed your mind exactly what more/less can he do? Puh-leaze! He's no different than a toddler throwing a tantrum to get what he wants.except he's worse because he doesn't seem to have the capacity to change.
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  • Thanks ladies!!! its been a ride for sure...after yesterdays episode my mom said that he has burned his bridges and he is not welcome in her home ( where i live) and that she doesnt even want him at the hospital because he is right we don't know what he is capable of... such a headache i don't want to deal with...he told me he would give two shits if i was carrying a girl...Men have babies to carry thier name thats the whole point of guys having babies....i hope none of you ladies ever have to deal with this
  • I say it's definitely easier and best if you give the child your last name. My biological father wasn't very supportive either and my mom finally left that situation when I was still a toddler. It wasn't a big deal, but I was a little confused about my last name and would say it was different things all the time. Fortunately, I was adopted by an awesome new dad and took on his last name. So, unless you know you can count on the guy, giving the baby your name does prevent a little confusion.
  • I would do the same thing. He has not earned the right for that baby to carry his last name
  • Give your son your last name. And he is stupid if he thinks he's getting out of child support that easily. As long as you can prove he's the biological father, he'll have to pay. You don't have to have the last name to have to get child support, just a DNA test. He sounds like a real jerk. You can also get a protective order barring contact for you & the baby if he's been violent or threatening. And since he's on drugs, you can ask for supervised visitation if he does try to see the baby.
  • @TishJ330 Thanks ya his step dad and my mom said if he gets loco again I need to take my butt to the P.D.

    The sad thing is even before this all happend he had no plans on paying child support
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  • Hi ashley! its ramelle! if your bd isn't going to step up there is no reason for him to be "honored" especially when he is acting like a child. And it will probably be easier if both of your kids do have the same last name especially if the dads aren't active parts in their life.
  • Hi Ramelle! Yes that is the conclusion I have come to
  • he doesnt deserve to be at the hospital.. it would be different if he showed you respect and stepped up.. then you wouldn have to worry about him stressing you out.. you dont want or need that while your in labor.. stess has been proven to stall labor.. good luck with yours.. and you know what your doing
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