Divorce Documentary -Day Ten-

Fate

August 11th, 2011 - Day One

I've made my decision, even though it hurts so much. I'm getting divorced. Yes, painful words. I'm just so hurt and feeling unwanted by his actions. I'll use this as a sort of journal or blog. If you'd like to comment on it, be my guest. It will be full of hurt, and my feelings BLEED on paper and I my words will most likely fill your heart with my pain. FAIR WARNING.

I told him the news. I'll be leaving Texas today. Leaving him behind. His hurtful actions, words, and anger. All behind me. He's very upset. I know he tried - a little. But he didn't move the Earth & Heavens for me. Maybe when he sees me leaving, he'll understand just a tiny bit of the pain he's caused. After all, he's a horrible sewer and left the ends of the thread untied, leading my heart to fall apart again...

mya218

I'm sad that you're hurting, but glad that you've decided to do what's best for YOU and not simply stay for the children or because you're afraid of what others may say. I can only imagine how broken your heart is, but I'm sending prayers that it will be mended fast and that your new journey will be full of growth and wonderful new opportnities. Hugs! >:D<

bwhite55019

I'm so sorry your going through this many prayers your way.

SamiUK

Will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and prayers
really good idea to do this journal thing will help you get things of your chest

good luck hun
xxx

[Deleted User]

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TishJ330

Awww hun. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Make the decisions that you feel will be best for you and the girls. Please don't hesitate to get counseling. Be strong and have the courage of your convictions, WHATEVER you decide to do. I'm here to offer love, support, and kindness and no judgments. I hope he realizes the pain he's caused, and that he's prepared for the consequences of his actions. Only when he sees the devastation he left in his path will he see what he has to do to make things right.

Fate

Thanks everyone. He's kissed me and the girls goodbye, and went to work. Boy, the hurt on his face could've killed me. =(( I know he loves us. But he's chosen his path by disrupting the trust. He could have made it all up to me, but he didn't. I'll push forward, and try to eventually release my pain.

dec10

Am so sry hun but u do have to think wats best for u n ur kids. I wish u the best n God bless u. Am hear if u need to talk hugs n kisses prayers ur way

mummylady83

Please be strong. I have so much respect for u for not staying for the kids. It will be tough but u have made the hardest step. Have faith in yourself and let out all the pain x

survivormommie3

My heart breaks for you and the girls. I don't know when, but if they ever find out in their lives what daddy has done to mommy their hearts will only ache for you too. I hope you are finally able to gain closer and get back your self confidence.
I am just curious, do you plan on telling family why, or have you already? Do you know how you will tell them? I am just wondering, sorry if that is too personal

pregoagainYAY

I'm praying for you sweets....I'm proud of you for doing what's best for you....:)

romeike89

I'm sorry that this is the outcome, but I'm glad you made a decision for you and your children. I know it will be hard, but we are all here for you. Stay strong hun.

rckprincess2

Going through divorce sucks and I'm sorry that you have to go through it. I'm proud of you for making such a difficult decision. You have do what's best for you and the girls. Hopefully he will realize the full extent of what he has done. Also I know how hard it is on children. I went through it as a child. Let them know how loved by mom and dad they are and that its not their fault. That tends to be what they think is that they've caused it. Maybe even some counseling.it might help you and them.

If you ever need some one to talk to you can inbox me to talk or I can give you my number. Stay strong! The best decisions are never easy.

Fate

@survivormommie3 They know now. They're confused just like me.

@rckprincess2 How did you deal with divorce as a child? I want to know what to expect. It's sad... Baby Corri will never really know what a family life is with her Daddy. He's gone so much, I don't ever see any of the girls having a good relationship with him. It sucks so much!

KareNLove

Sorry to hear that ,but I think ur happiness is first good luck

rckprincess2

It was difficult. I was in a touchy situation. My mom hatred my dad and would talk bad about him. At first for alittle while I had begun to dislike him as well being that I was easily influenced cause I was only 4. I came to resent my mom as I when I was older and realized she was the crazy one not him.

I used to think that I hadn't been a good enough daughter. That maybe if I was better they would love each other again. One of the last memories I have of my parents together was the night we left. I stood in front of the door crying not wanting to leave. if parents don't get along after a divorce its difficult for kids to comprehend its not cause of them. I think if my parents could have been civil it would have been easier. And know that your girls still need their dad. they will make the choice later on which one they...for a lack of a better word, choose...or get along with.

Lindsey2Bou

I applaud you. My mom was cheated on when I was around 7 years old by my dad. We lived with my papaw (dads dad) and as soon as she found out, we left she pulled all the money out of their joint account and took me and went to her mothers and stayed. I remember her crying and trying to smoke cigarettes (which is funny to think about now cause she is def not the smoking type) but time went on and she found someone who is absolutely wonderful and does anything for her. From the childs perspective, I now thank god she left. At first I didnt really know what was going on, but then I would listen to my mom talk and started to kind of understand that my dad liked someone else. The trust was no longer there and was never going to come back, she would've never been happy and all I wanted is to see my mom happy and not hurt like she was. I have seen relationships with no trust and I still thank god my mom did not try to stay in that. I think you are a very strong amazing mother for what you are doing, it will take some time to heal but it will be worth it for you and your children in the long run. I will always respect and look up to my mother for being so strong in that situation. She left with no job and hardly no money. We are all here to support you and I am sure I am not the only one who is looking up to you. Your story will change some lives on here I am sure >:D<

Ittybitty

aww this makes me sad that it has come to this. I couldnt imagine the pain ur going threw. u r a very strong woman for being able to I make this decision ur making. I wish I had just some of ur strength.

Ittybitty

it took my mom 16 yrs to leave my dad. she stayed with him thinking it would make me happy but it actually made my life hard and rough.. im glad ur not making the choice to stay because of the girls. it would hurt them more in the end.. just dont put him down to them or put them in the middle. my parents did that and it sucked.

5lilangels

Awwe hun my heart aches for you and your girls. Hugs and love to u all. I too had my parents got divorced when I was 6. To this day. I don't see my dad :-( love and prayers to you. I'm here always love you sista and god bless

[Deleted User]

My mom leaving my dad was then best thing she ever did for us. He always put us last in his priorities and it really hurt us as children. My whole life I would rather not see him then be third or 4th best to what ever else he had going on. I have been thinking about you. Im sorry you have to go through this but I feel like you are doing what is best for your family. Good luck mama.

[Deleted User]

awe hun im very sorry. I too came from a divorced family. The best thing I can say is never bash him in front of the girls. That ripped my heart out when my parents did that. Try and stay civil and be happy! They will take it much easier. Im glad you made your decision for you though hun, if its what's best for you, trust your judgement.

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sissylala

@fate. Your lifewill suck for a little bit. No lie. And your heart will break every time your babies ask you questions. BUT. IT DOES GET EASIER. Time truly does heal wounds... well, time and a lil prayer... im a child of a divorce, AND a wife of a divorce. I can say that im happier now more than ever. I am remarried to the man that TRULY moves my heavens and earth. After you grieve and your heart begins to mend, you too will find that happiness. Whether it be in the arms of your true hero, or peaceful and happy being just you and your girls... either way the pain WILL subside. God has a funny way of making our lives interesting, to say the least. Put your faith in him now and he will ensure you the best outcome! Ily xoxo

cicelia

I'm so sorry your hurting and I pray for you to have thatt Peace beyond understanding, even when its hard! Take care of yourself, let others comfort you and know we are all supporting you through this storm to have the sunshine on your face again. Divorce is so hard, but I already know you are strong enough to do it! Keep loving your girls, help them to have a good foundation with you, no matter what the outcome is with their relationship with Dad. If you need help, ask! Most importantly remember how wonderful you are and that it is often the hardest thing to do but you must love yourself first, and take care of YOU. Your doing that and should feel SO proud that your taking these first, difficult steps. Your beautiful future is there, waiting for you. You WILL be ok, actually you will be WONDERFUL! If you need anything please let me know! Blessings to you!

Mylittleman2011

Stay strong and believe in what you are doing. I know the pain and the thoughts of could it have been saved should I try just a little longer?? You know to put your heart at ease and help heal this pain leaving and living for your girls will be the best for you. And in time if he can show you and regain your heart then maybe nothing has to be forever besides- we shall forever be Mommies. I can see in all your posts how hurt and raw you feel right now but also how much you love him. I commend your strength and know it's going to be hard but getting to know you all over again and letting your girls see mom healing from the pain of a broken heart- yup shows everything to them and to yourself. I pray you heal and trust your heart.

Fate

@OregonMama ( I love you! I told him, whenever he is home, he can take the kids! Now just praying he comes home to see them. He doesn't have to take breaks.

@Lindsey2Bou I hope nobody does go thru this. I wish this pain on noone. Thank you for your story, it will help me prepare for what's to come. >:D<

@IttyBitty I understand why your mom waited so long. It's hard letting go of the man who stole your heart.

@5lilangels Thank you. Lord knows I couldn't do this without a tremendous amount of support.

@ll10 He's a great dad, I'm only doing this for myself. Can't take the hurt! It just sickens me everyday.

@MommyOfTwoPrincesses I could never hurt my kids like that. I have nothing bad to say, he just wasn't the guy for me.

@USMCwifemommy101107 You popping in means a lot. You know, you are very strong. I know times are tough right now for you as well. >:D<

@sissylala Everyone keeps promising me that I'll be fine. I hope you're all right.

@cicelia I've lost myself. I feel bitterness. I'm just not the same since this all happened. CRUSHED!

Fate

@Mylittleman2011 You honestly hit that right on the nose. My exact feelings and thoughts right there.

Mylittleman2011

@fate I'm here if you would ever like to talk. may today be a breathe of fresh air to you and you look at things not as oh no I'm doing this alone but more of finally I can breathe and get to know me.
When I went thru a seperstion turned to divorce my little girl and I would be out somewhere and I would start thinking how can I do this a lone how can I handle everyday tasks? For so long I had lived as his wife and then my little girls mom I had lost who I was. I woke up one morning realizing that I had to love me and find out who I had become before any body else could. Fast forward to now I have a wonderful new husband whom is just wow and my ex and I for the most part are considered friends. I pray the best for him I am happy to say after 17 years I was not the best for him!!!
Believe in yourself you know when it's time to go and heal.

laura536

I'm so sorry he didn't work harder for you. : ( I know you'll be fine without him. Good luck, hun!

Fashion_Junky91

Aww man I was hopin it didnt come to this. But I guess you had to what u needed for.ur sake and the children....stay strong and good luck