I'm so sad, and shouldn't be(vent)
My son was born at 35+6 days and has been as of tomorrow in the nicu for a week, he will also be a week old tomorrow. I was given a emergency csection due to a partial previa and too much amniotic fluid, and contractions two minutes apart. I went in at 12 pm for a Nst ordered by my dr to just check on the babies heart rate found out I was getting a ultrasound to check the position of my placenta to see if it had shifted away from my cervix, and to see if my fluid had gone down. None of which had happened and I actually had more fluid. So they decided at 6 my son would be born because they believed I was actually 36+5 and I knew I wasn't, but they didn't believe me. Well as soon as my son was born and I heard him cry, my heart dropped. It was so fast and gurgled I could tell right away it was wrong. I was happy to hear him devastated it wasn't right. I had been being told through this whole ordeal I was going to be able to have my son in recovery. To sum it up to this point. I go see him everyday and was only able to hold him 5 minutes the day he was born and not till 2 days after. I am so happy he is no longer on a intabator and is using only a high flow nasal tube but it breaks my heart he isn't with me. I have no patients for my daughter cause I'm so depressed and I miss my son. I keep going to feel my belly and he's not there and he's not with me, and I feel like a horrible mother. I love my kids so much and I want them both here. :,( I'm sorry this is so long, and I would make it longer but realized it is horribly long 
Comments
@sissylala thank you so much, your post made me cry. I love them both so much an my heart swells with pride when I see them. I know soon enough he will be with us all all the time, but it just seems each day is a year. I am trying really really hard to play with my daughter and be there for her, but I can't play like I used to cause my csection and my moods. I still love to be with her and could never be apart from her. She was the best thing ever in my life until my son came, now they both are. I didn't know I could love people as much as I did until I saw there beautiful faces. I pray every day that god will give my son the strength to get better an me to heal and move past the fact he isn't with me and to be there for mya. I feel he is helping bit by bit. Thank you again for your kind words. I really needed them.
@ashleyfew it's breaking my heart to see when woman are posting that they want there babies out at 36 weeks now that I see what a difference those 2 weeks make. I really hope that my story will be a little wake up call. Not saying they are bad mothers, but I would much rather be in pain and pregnant then see my son with a tube down his throat and ivs all over his body. I would take away all the pain If I could go back and just beg to be pregnant a little longer.
@tiff87124 thank you. How was your baby? Were they intabated? Or cpap? Or high flow oxygen? I'm so glad your baby js home and ok!! That's so wonderful!! and I wish so bad my son would come home tomorrow at a week