Any step-moms ttc for their first time? (don't wanna be old parent!)

mrsrocketfield1221

Not sure which category to put this under... ttc or parenting, but I'm just looking for some common ground with other ladies who are step-moms without their own birth children. I have two special little girls in my life (6 and 7 1/2) which i moved across the country for a yr ago. -Their mother moved them back to where her family was over a yr after the divorce which was very hard on my hubby (who was my bf at the time of the move). He moved out here 2 yrs ago and when i finished my second degree last year i followed.

I've noticed that it's been hard at times, watching the bond with their daddy (and mother as well, bc who's more important than mom?!?!?). We have a great relationship -the girls and i- but i just want to know that love for myself. We had a mc 3 months ago and haven't gotten pregnant since. We had just left it up to chance when that happened... but now we're trying and it's heartbreaking when AF comes each month. I know we haven't been trying all that long but after the excitement of the first positive test... i have never been more ready to be a mommy myself! Sometimes I feel like an outsider when I see the way they look at each other. Hard to explain i guess... I'd just LOVE to blend this family officially, i know they'd make such great sisters! I look forward to the day when they can talk to my belly to their brother/sister... but for now i hate waiting.

We're also 30 and 34 and i don't want to be old parents!! lol (wow, i feel old after just hitting the big 3-0 last wk!)

Anyone feel my frustrations?!?! I'd love to hear stories, or hear some vents. I only have 1 real friend that understands me.

mrsrocketfield1221

Also... if anyone has frustrations with an ex... we can bond over that too! lol

lovebeingamom

I'm not going through the same thing. But I wanted to let you know that you should feel really wonderful about being a step parent who cares! My step mother when I was a kid was more about her self and having kids with my dad so she could have her family without my sister and I. And now that im an adult with my own children I took my first down to visit and meet his grandpa and all there friends didn't even know my dad had more kids bc she took our pictures down. Anyways you are going to be a great mom! And know that you make a huge great difference in those girls life then you know! I wish you the best!

mrsrocketfield1221

@lovebeingamom THANK YOU, so much! It's so often that step-moms are over looked (especially by the birth mom) and it's hard to see that we do make a difference for the good. I know i'm important... but sometimes i question how important! When we got married I said vows to them as well as their father, the beginning of which was "i may have never carried you in my belly, but i've always carried you in my heart". sometimes we need just a little strength! But i'd still love to blend the 2 sides of the family of course...

mrsrocketfield1221

@lovebeingamom ...sorry i forgot to mention this part... how sad it is when someone marries a person with kids, and wants to forget them! that happened to my husband as well and while we were dating it was a touchy subject some days to talk about the possibility of having our own for that exact reason... we NEVER want the girls to feel replaced and like they are not a huge part of our family we're creating now! pathetic really, when a woman will take in a man and not his children. i don't know what i'd do without those crazy kids... lol... and would do anything for them. i can only imagine how hurtful that is to go visit and feel like you didn't exist. so sad... but i bet you're a great mom who will fill in that empty grandpa area with endless love!

mrsrocketfield1221

-even more sad when the parent allows the significant other to push the kids out and forgets about them himself/herself!!!

[Deleted User]

I was in your shoes. I have a 6 & 8 step son and daughter. I had a mc as well. But I did get my blessing 3yrs ago april, now 8wks w/ blessing #2. You'll get your blessing just be patient. Pluis I will be 35 when this babies born

[Deleted User]

I was in your shoes. I have a 6 & 8 step son and daughter. I had a mc as well. But I did get my blessing 3yrs ago april, now 8wks w/ blessing #2. You'll get your blessing just be patient. Pluis I will be 35 when this babies born

mrsrocketfield1221

@daniw6976 like! i know there's hope... i guess i just get impatient and frustrated when i think about it at times. good to hear of others stories though, thank you.

the funny thing is, i know i'm not all that old! i just moved to idaho where everyone has kids young... not what i'm used to, so sometimes i feel behind in the game! lol

[Deleted User]

I cant wait to see the look on my step daughters face when we tell her she's gonna have another brother or sister. You'll get you're chance. But I look at it this way at least you do have two wonderful girls in your life already, some women don't get to be that lucky.

LilFifeW

Well let me say da I can relate to this bcuz I met my bf 2 yrs ago n he has a son. His son is 4 yrs old I enjoy having around as much as we can. We only get 2 see him during da weekends. Well i have 2 say I luv my boys but I hate da fact da da ex wife is still around bcuz I try my best 2 meet her so she could get 2 know me so she can have peace of mind but instead this 2 yrs she gets very but very upset if I have anything 2 do w her son if I buy him toys, clothes, etc...she kept telling him..( tell her to get her own) well guess what am expecting lol she kind of found out n she was mega crying n confess once again her luv 2 him n wish they could be a fam... she says da bcuz she was da 1 da cheated n ended their marriage...I don't let her get 2 me bcuz his son I young n I care 4 him as my own bcuz I am not sure she cares much 4 him bcuz she sends him dirty all da time n breaks my heart. Dirty hands clothes da doesn't fit just plain bad....but n e ways stress doesn't help much when trying to get preg...but u know what might help n is not so expensive acupunture....

booface

We could probably chat for hours on end....We probably have a lot in common! I'm the step mom to two gorgeous seven year olds, boy and girl twins. Our story is a very long 8 year old drama filled saga. Lol! I love my step kids like I have birth to them myself. I have been there since they were born, so I have the benefit of them only knowing life with their father and I together as a couple. Their mother is a great mom but a terrible human being who refuses to move forward in her personal life and stops at nothing to make our life as miserable as possible. At this point Im just completely done with attempting to have a civil relationship with her.

The bright spot of our story is that we are stronger, and happier than ever. I'm 12 weeks pregnant with our first and LAST baby. The twins couldn't be happier, and my husband is thrilled to have the opportunity to raise a child outside of all the negativity that the twins have had to be exposed to.

lovebeingamom

@mrsrocketfield1221 thank you! And I hope you get to blend your two beautiful families together soon! Best wishes!

wannababy

Wow so glad to meet others out there I am 33 and we have been ttc for a year and a half... I have two beautiful God-given children... they are 12 and 13... we have had custody the entire time... my babies were 2 and 4 when we started dating... so I have been blessed to have them everyday... the ex, who did some really uncaring and neglectful things to them remarried 5 years ago then decided she was a great mom and wanted them back... so she fought for custody and lost, but did get visitation 9 weeks a year:( so hard on me because I know she is still the same person and she treats my daughter like dirt... it breaks my heart to send them to her house 3 times a year I really want to have a baby...but feel guilty as I have been given two I really want my kids to see how a mother should be from birth... as I want my daughter to follow my example and love her children.... I pray for all of us to soon be pregnant and combining our families :)nice to meet all of you

Rissalee7

My bfs son is three and says the cutest things about the baby last weekend we had him he said mommy I like your baby and then said the baby should come out and watch the puppy movie with me and my daddy we do everything to make him feels apart of the pregnancy while still maintaining his importance in our lives

Kmose77

I met my husband when he had a 8 and 9 year old. They were very young when they had them, and she never grew up. It has been a frusterating road, but also a gratifying one. Dealing with her drama was non stop for many years, she is an alchoholic, and wont work. So even though I wanted to get full custody of them it was a non stop fight my husband just couldn't keep up. Because she didnt want to loose child support. It was hard on the kids because she would take it out on them and the strain on us was non stop. So we had them all the time, but technicaly they were her custody. It was hard because she was non stop partyer, and sometimes it was fun for the kids and they used the situation to play thier mom n dad against each other when they wanted their way. And she would do anything she could just to make him miserable so it was easy for them to do. Now they are 18 and 17, and we have full custody of both. Took untill they were teens to say ya life with her is bad we wanna be there all the time! But now here they are. And doing well. Together we have a 5year old, an almost 3year old and our last on the way. Even though my husband made me a part as much as he could it is different when you come into things at that age. Lucky for me my man wanted more kids So i'm going to be 34 when I have this one, and we have a great full house!! lol The youngest was a lil hurt when I was preg with my first, but as soon as he held his lil brother it changed his whole life. I make it a point to have pic's of all the kids on the walls, and show us all as a family. All my kids know is they are thier big brothers. I want them to have as whole and complete a family as possible. And they are much happier these days. Its so amazing to see them playing around with thier lil bro n sis. Very cute. Makes everything we went through worth it. Hang in there. It does get better and better!!

hope2bAmom29

I can relate in so many ways ...I've been a step mom twice and its been amazing . I was with my ex for 5 yrs n when I got with him my step daughter was 2 yrs old n when we split she was 7 I still keep in contact with her and love her to death ...Now I'm with someone so amazing and have known for a few yrs and I'm a step mom again to a 9yr old girl she is great there are times where u just want that love your own child will give even tho your step kids give there love .... more info to come lol

mom2_4

I am a step mom to two beautiful children. When I started dating their father, they were 18mo & 3 1/2yrs old. They are now 8 & 10yrs old. We have a 2yr old together and I am preg again,due in June. We don't have custody(but would love to,because the ex is an idiot)we get them for the summers and alt holidays. I feel its very important to keep them included in our family. We have pics everywhere and talk w/them as much as possible. I do understand wanting to blend the family. We had a lot of talks with our kids about adding another sibling to the family and made sure they knew they were/are never going to be replaced. They love having a little sister and my oldest son is supper excited we're having a boy this time around. As far as dealing with the ex...she around huge headache. We pay and outrageous amount in child support monthly yet she still manages to send them to us w/shoes that are falling apart and barely any clothes. The clothes she does manage to pack are too small. Yet she gets herself a new car every year. Ugh!!!! We try our best to accommodate her but we've decided not to anymore. The final straw was on christmas...we called 3x and sent several text throughout the day but she didn't have them call until after 8pm. They didn't get a chance to talkto their lil sis because she was asleep by then. So pissed! Anyway good luck w/ttc and enjoy your family.

MomOfThree

I'm not exactly in your shoes. I got with my husband a month after his don's mother took off, he was only 6 months when we got together he is now fixing to turn 5, I have helped my husband through the whole thing, we drive 11 hrs. Every 6 weeks to pick him up, then 2 weeks later drive 11 hrs to take him back. I have faught with him every step of the way, we are trying for custody but so far no luck because the drugs that she is on are prescriptions she doesn't take care of him her sisters or mother does. She bounces around from one house to the next, she literally moved 6 times last year in less than 4 months and that is that we know of. I know that having a step child can be hard sometimes, but honestly I treat him as mine I tell everyone that he is mine & I would kick anyone's @$$ that tried to hurt him just like my own, my husband has locked me in a room while she was around because my step son told me that his mom smacked him. I usually keep my temper unless it involves my kids & I think that she now knows that because she won't even look me in the eye. But back to the subject it is a blessing when you have your own but honestly I don't look at him or treat him any different. I wish you all the luck in conceiving, & you are one of the few that I have found that will treat their step kids like theirs. Bless you sweetie! Good luck!

mrsrocketfield1221

What a relief it is to hear other stories... thanks everyone. "Our" youngest turned 6 yesterday and so were having a celebration weekend (I Just think birthdays should be a big deal since I didn't like them LOL). We were waiting to see what their mother would pull since it is her bday weekend when we have them but, she's away for the weekend so now that its convenient for her.... no issues. LOL we only have them every other weekend (although he drives 45 mins each way every wed and leaves work early to watch them in dance class -yeah real bad dad!) and split breaks and holidays BC we have to fight for custody after moving out here to be with them and so now were in a new state... but the prob is we can't because of the $$$ that it takes just to get started. But were trying! As We put them to bed the oldest asked me to come up in their loft and cuddle them.... as I watched them sleep my heart melted. they're crazy, but they're amazing! My heart. So I really hope we get blessed with one more so I can watch their love that they have to give a sister or brother... -having a family moment- man oh man I hope I get to feel a healthy baby grow inside my belly

Rissalee7

my bfs son was asking me why he had to get ready to go back to his moms. i said cause those were the rules right now. then he asked you guys dont want me no more? i started bawling my eyes out and wanted to beat his mom. we ask for extra time with him all the time and she always says no.

mrsrocketfield1221

Isn't it awful when they use them as playing cards?!?! Heartbreaking when you want them more and its better for the parent-child relationship... but the ex wont allow it.

In my situation the ex isn't an awful mother, just a bad person. LOL although... she likes to pretend that she's a saint of a mother but has certainly made bad choices or done many things NOT in their best interest... which kills me. But shell try to throw him under the bus every chance she gets. Ugh.

Rissalee7

one of my biggest pet peeves is she will have him in daycare even when she's not working. if she wanted a day off from him and work we would gladly take him. we drive 60 miles one way every friday and sunday. so a total of 240 miles everyother weekend we get him. it sometimes kills us in gas and money. luckily we bought a car with taxes that gets 30+mpgs

MomOfThree

@rissalee7 I know exactly where you are coming from our son didn't want to go back the last time either, when he saw how upset it made us that we had to take him back he told us don't worry I will be back real soon I love you all, when we said that we love you 2 he made us say promise always forever & a day (something he does with his sister) its sad that he has to be so strong a 4.

Rissalee7

@MomOfThree its so frustrating he's three and so excited about the baby but im scared that if he brings up the baby around her she'll get mad at/with him. she's developed a lil bit of a tude since finding out im pregnant. i mean i wanted to have him at the ultrasound and she said no. we are trying so hard to make him soo involved in the pregnancy. we have ultrasound pics for him and everything but cant send them home with him cuz chad said she'll just throw them away and its not fair to danny at all.

MomOfThree

@rissalee7 I know exactly where you are coming from, when she found out we were pregnant with our 1st one she wouldn't let us have him at all & she move so much we never knew where he was. Lucky its not like that with this 1 since we have been to court so much & I have actually made friends with the sheriffs where she lives.

Rissalee7

@MomOfThree ya it was cute my bf asked me if it was ok that he took his ex back to court for more custody and i was like just let me kno when. we want 50/50 custody and with him being three he knows that i will be doing most of the caretaking as he works during the week. im a stay at home not married housewife lol. it was just cute that he didnt want me to feel like it was soemthing i had to do.

MomOfThree

@rissalee7 I Am the same way, I keep tabs on everything, I actually worked more than ny husband but I had to quit because of having a sort of high risk pregnancy. We are hoping to go back to court soon because he starts school in august & we get him every 6 weeks out of 8 & he is 5 1/2 hrs away so when we pick him up we are gone literally all day between bathroom breaks & eating its about 13 hrs on the road. But he is well worth it.

islandgirl

Ok I think I may need some help/advice from u ladies. My bf have two kids well actually one of em its not his own but he claim her has his own daughter. Both of em r girls one is 14yrs and one is 6yrs old. They both have diff mom and one of the mothers doesn't want me to take care of her daughter when shes here with my bf. So I don't really know what to do about that. Im young and I don't know how to handle it. Not only that but the 14yrs old lied about me not wanting my bf to go visit her she told her mother and friends that I took many pills and go to the hospital cuz I don't want my bf to visit her. I've never do such things like that it really pissed me off when I heard about it. Should I juz stay out of it cuz im pregnant with my first baby. I don't know how do handle situation like this.

mrsrocketfield1221

@rissalee7 we say "forever and a day" and "I love you to the moon and back" that's So special that he said that... what a big boy!

Ugh ladies... I'm with ya. I don't know why it needs to be as hard as it is! Its not fair. Apparently the ex is baby hungry right now (she told my sister in law) ...but not at a point with her bf to have one +she'd get married first BC of religion. So who sknows how she'll act I'd I get pregnant again (had an MC) she didn't even know of the first BC it happened so early... but the shit she's gonna give... she lives to play the "your new family" card which is a joke! No doubt she will again.... BC we didn't give up everything we knew and loved along with any $ we had to move out here to be a part of their lives... so we could see them, go to dance and Christmas shows.... nope we don't care! LOL karma will come around... some day!

@islandgirl if you're not mature enough to handle them in an adult manner I would stay out of it. That's hard with step kids who are So old. But... its gonna be a long road. Try not to let the teenager get to you. Kill them with kindness and try to be supportive. Some day it will help them as they grow up... and they will see you cared no matter what their mothers said. Don't talk bad about the ex to them. Treat them like adults. You will be OK....

TechGirlPa

I'm 30 and my partners sons are 7 and 3. I also have a fourteen year old daughter. I have a very close relationship with the seven year old to the point where he comes to me when he needs to cry and is afraid. The mother hates our relationship and is trying to keep him from us as much as possible. He has in the past told me stories of not being fed all day with her and his brother being stuck in his diaper in a crib all day while she slept. He has nightmares and emotional issues and witnessed abuse through most of his life. When my partner confronts her over something he says, he suddenly becomes afraid to talk to anyone. Its emotionally abusive and they deserve so much better. We do everything in our power to make their lives happy when they are with us and to let them know they are loved.