what am i going to do?

heyitsme

My son is completely out of control. everything with him is a power struggle. Whether its brushing his teeth or eating or even playing with the baby. He is constantly doing things that he KNOWS is wrong. we have to tell him at least half a dozen times to get dressed and he just sits in his room playing with his toys or looking at books and we have to actually go and stand there to make sure he does it. he lies about everything and even when we catch his lies he keeps trying to lie. He has a major anger problem and anytime we try to discipline him he yells back and if we have told him to go to his room he refuses and stomps and if we try to pick him up to take him there he hits and kicks. then when he's in there he throws stuff or slams the door repeatedly. he is 7 years old and its just getting worse and worse and I'm afraid that one day my fiance is going to get fed up with him enough to leave. we have tried everything from talking about his behaviour and how it affects us, to taking toys away. Right now his rooms totally cleared out of toys all he has is books and clothes. I just had a long talk with him because he threw something so I sent him to his room but he wouldnt go. He knew I couldn't do anything because I was feeding the baby but this time I got up anyways. he still wouldn't go so I had to push him (I can't pick him up he's too heavy) and he was pushing back and elbowing me. ugh I would write more but I have to deal with him. Idk any suggestions are welcome and so you know we are waiting to see the pediatrician to see what we can do about this

BigBelly

Take him to the police station and have a cop talk to him! Or have them come to your house and have them explain to him why he can't do the things he's doing! Scare his little ass straight!

sehra4177

Has he always been like this or just since baby? Bc the answer would be diff depending on how you answer...if he has always been this way I'd say consult a Dr or someone who could professionally help. If since the baby, its prob him just feeling like he isn't loved anymore. I have three sisters and a brother so I def know when a new child comes around it can hurt...my parents weren't the best at making us feel worth anything to begin with so when a new baby was brought home it def affected me. I wasn't defiant bc my dad also was scary to me and was abusive, so I was scared to act any sorta way about my unhappiness of a new baby. But just making your son feel more apart of things. When my son was born my daughter was 6, we got her a present and told her it was from her brother. It's hard but I had her helping me with baby stuff (only stuff she could handle.) Also I make a point to do (still two year later) to go out to lunch just me and her and also my fiance and her go places and do projects together, they recently made a doll for her.
You first have to talk with him ask him what is making him upset , that may help too to let you know why he is acting up.

heyitsme

@Sehra4177 he has always been this way always but in the past year its getting really bad.

Janet_2011

If He has always being that way consult a professional, mostly if it's getting worse.

emy

sehra4177

@heyitsme in that case I'd see someone bc you need help...soon he may be bigger than you and you won't be able to handle him. Like you said you can't lift him already. My niece has always been bad, and my sister doesn't do anything about it. She throws fits and bc she won't go to her room, when she does something to my nephew they punish him not her...I feel horrible for my nephew bc he is such a great kid. My niece has no friends and always wants my daughter to come over but my daughter doesn't want to go bc she says my niece is too bossy:(

heyitsme

@Sehra4177 ya I know I need professional help but its most likely going to take months to get started I'm still waiting for them to call with appt date

lucyloo288

Yeah, I'd say talk to a counselor. But until you can get in there, bigbelly's idea wasn't too bad either. The cop doesn't necessarily need to scare the mess out of him, but sometimes having someone in a position of authority like that can really help things sink in for a kid.

Bahamamama4828

What's his diet like? Sometimes kids act this way because of foods its not really an allergy but more of a sensitivity

momma_erica

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have had some problems with my 10yr old sons attitude not to the point that u described, but arguing with me, stomping his feet, huffing & back talking & lieing. He has never gotten physical its mostly his mouth that gets him. I ground him from any & everything. I noticed u said fience so I assume u are not with his father, maybe he is acting out because he's angry his dad isn't around? My son dad hasn't been involved since he was 2 but since I have been in a stable healthy relationship his behavior has seemed to improve. Maybe if your man could try to spend some one on one time with him doing "boy stuff" that would help. Just a suggestion I noticed it helped my son out. My man also talks to my son Bout how he should respect me & treat me as his mother & he seems to listen to him better than me

heyitsme

@Bahamamama4828 he has major food aversions. he is just now eating meat and some veggies.
@momma_erica both of us talk to him about respect and right and wrong but nothing gets through to him. we are always trying to figure out why he does what he does but he won't give us an answer. he says he doesn't know.

Bahamamama4828

Oh OK if you can afford organic food try that. Pesticides and what not are no good. Takes a couple weeks to notice a difference. Also get a jar of children's cod liver oil in liquid. I hope this helps! (Didn't want to repeat the other suggestions lol)

Roxy

Spank him with a belt

Bahamamama4828

^^^omg!

Frantastic

@Roxy I was thinking the same thing.

Fate

Don't spank him with a belt. That's awful, and illegal I think... Find the root of it and go from there. I'm thinking he's got ADHD/ADD. He probably has no idea why he acts that way. I used to go thru this with my daughter (she has ADHD). I changed her diet, and it helped loads. Try eliminating one thing at a time. Like red dyes. If his behavior gets better, you should eliminate the foods that you note are affecting him. Even some strawberries have dye in them to make them brighter.

BigBelly

I got my ass beat with.a belt and I turned out fine! That's what's wrong with half these kids now a days! Their parents are scared to discipline them so they act however they want! A healthy ass woopin every once in a while will do wonders!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

starrxoxo9

Please don't spank him with a belt. What awful advice. Smh...

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

BigBelly

Are you kidding me with "smh" BS!?!? Why the hell do you think kids act the way they do! Back in the day kids were raised that if they didn't listen they would get a spanking. But now people are too afraid to spank or discipline their own kids cause someone will call dss or cps in them! Sorry but that jmo

starrxoxo9

My sister and I were raised without any physical punishment and we are and were very well behaved and polite. We weren't afraid of my mother, she never wanted us to feel that way. She was there to love and protect us from things like that. I thank god for her everyday. @bigbelly

newmomma13

Lol yea imo ur doing too much talking and not enough discipline...I myself got spankings when I was a kid and that sure enough set me straight and I turned out fine no traumatization here...my dad would sit us down and talk to us and ask us if we knew why we were getting a spanking then talk to us on why not to do it again then we'd get our spanking... Some of people are way too scared to discipline their kids that's why they be acting up when they go to the store or out to eat then I think that's just embarrassing and bad on the parents end

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

natashalynn

Everyone is going to have their own opinions on that issue. I myself was "disciplined" and I still fear my dad in a way. But at the end of the day, its illegal where we live, so it shouldn't be done.

BigBelly

I'm not saying make your kids scared of you at all. They just need to know that if they act certain ways then they could get a spanking! Don't just threaten it, do it! But if they are doing what their suppose to than that should be rewarded! Encourage the good but absolutely no tolerance for the bad! @starrxoxo9

Fate

I never got spanked with a belt. And my children do not either. They are wonderful kids. They behave and listen to us. Kids don't have to fear you in order to mind you. Kids need respect just as much as adults do.

Fate

Spanking with a belt is also illegal in 19 states. And the other states it must be done in a safe manner WITHOUT emotion.

heyitsme

@everyone I am now afraid to do anything physical with him because he already had cps called on us by telling his principal that he was dragged to his room (it was one of the times he was kicking us and dropped himself to the floor in resistance) but the worker came here and we explained and he totally understood. I am just afraid that if there is another complaint he might not be so understanding.. last night he got his mouth washed out with soap for talking back. First time, last time because it made him even angrier and he just wanted to hurt us even more in return. I think he needs a therapist or even medication. I used to be so against it but he is getting more and more violent by the day. I will try changing his diet, but it is going to be so hard since he barely eats anything to begin with.. thank you all for your comments!

heyitsme

@HomeBirthAdvocate I dont know about not displaying willful defiance, he sometime stands there when he is told to do something and gives me the nastiest look and sometimes even tries to intimidate by stepping forward and raising his hand or clapping at us