Women whose bds cheated and you took them back

Junebuggbabie85

Help me. I found out yesterday that my bd had been seeing another woman. He said it was just as friends first then we decided we were going to take a break and that same night he was planning on fucking her. Well he came home that night and the next day told me he was going to help his friend move. Well he wouldn't respond to my messages so I had googled where this chick lived and I drove by and he was there so I got out and beat on her door until he answered. He swears all they have done is kiss and that it just happened yesterday. He says he knows he was stupid and made a mistake and wants to work things out. I'm so hurt and empty and torn. Can I ever trust him again?. He's 23 and I was his first girlfriend and first in bed. He says he feels like he's missing out on life but with all that happened yesterday now he says he wants me. I don't know what to do.

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brodysmamma

I agree with the above I'm sorry but obviously he doesn't respect you or the fact you have a child together. He is not setting a very good example either

captivated

I agree with the above. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Don't let him fool you more than once.

Junebuggbabie85

@homebirthadvocate @samantha @captivated have any of you been in this situation? I love him so much I can't see myself without him

Hot2Cold87

It doesn't sound like he is ready for a monogamous relationship if his excuse is that he hasn't lived his life, how can u be secure with that? Is he finished? Is he not complete with you? Does he feel trapped? if he said I made a mistake no excuses then maybe you can build from that, a grown up should own up to their mistakes and fix them and it should never happen again! A coward hide behind excuses and you should not expect change if a person tries to justify their wrong doings! There is not a valid reason to cheat he should have came to you expressed his feelings fixed it or moved on...IMO I've been cheated on b4 I got excuse after excuse it didn't matter I believe they will do it again but not always true its just something I want deal with b/c once that trust is broken its pretty much over who wants to spend they life playing p.I. with no pay!

RTMommy

My husband and I divorced in 2010 because he "wasn't happy and felt stuck...wasn't in love anymore". He left and I filed paperwork. He went and did whatever it was he wanted and after 6 months realized he wanted to be home with our son and I. I told him no several times until I could see change in him. We got back together after 14 months and he's a different man. He knows his life is nothing without us. Maybe you just need to let your BD go and if he changes his tune, maybe work on things much later. He needs to see what he's missing out on before he will really appreciate what his family means. I've done it. We were legally married and now we are divorced, but the relationship works better than ever. Be strong. Don't let him f you over and come back with no consequences.

ScarlettsMama

I feel that once a cheater always a cheater!! Especially if you take him back right away, he could take you for granted & do it again & just get better at hiding it and he might think if he does it again you'll just take him back anyway!...i know that if my husband ever cheated and i took him back the relationship would be toast because i could never ever trust him again! Plus he wouldn't have his balls intact so the relationship just couldn't work anyway! LOL

Fate

Double post.

Hot2Cold87

Sorry that was so long flashback moment LOL but its your decision if you feel like you are safe staying then stay...but if y'all take a break maybe he will be a better man for you its easy to say leave but its harder to go especially when you love someone so much and you have this perfect image in your head its your relationship and your choice people go through this all time don't feel bad if you want to stay...

Fate

I have been in this situation. My husband cheated for 2 months. I found out when our baby was 6 days old. We took a 4 month break, didn't see each other but one time. I fell out of love with him. Didn't care much at all really. I paid no attention to him. He came to pick up our children 2 months after I left. He asked me to come back to him. I didn't want to, to be honest. I was having a blast being single. In the 4th month, he asked me to come back again and try to make it work. I obliged. I fell in love again. He respects me to the fullest extent now. He makes a point to make me happy. As for trust, no. I don't trust him. Once you're cheated on, I think you have to live with your trust issues. Whether you move onto another relationship or stay in your current one, there will be trust issues. Its been 4 months since we got back together, and I still wouldn't put it passed him to cheat again. But, love is about taking chances, living for the moment. If you think it can work, and he tries really hard to make it up to you, maybe some months or years down the line that trust will build and you can be truly happy. Until then, he better move mountains for you.

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Noahsmommy

I've been there. I felt betrayed and would never continue a relationship with someone who could do that to me. If he feels stuck let him go. You may love him but you need to love yourself more.

Junebuggbabie85

I just don't know what to do.I love him so much and I want to be with him but am I causing myself more grief by taking him back

Alwayzbeenurz2008

Once a cheater always a cheater. Leave him girl

ExcitedForOctober

I sure as hell wouldn't stay, I'm sure he wouldn't want me to stay after I trashed his car and home and bleached all his clothes...haven'r done that but thats my plan if he ever does cheat on me

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Crisjoe

Be honest with yourself.

DavidnAadynsMama

@rtmommy that sounds so similar to me and my husband. We got married, divorced, and married again. We are happier than we've ever been

DavidnAadynsMama

I dont think I would stay with him. If a man cheats & you take them back, they feel like they can easily do it again with zero consequences. I know you love him, but if he truly loved you, it wouldnt have happened. My advice is to leave. That shows him there are consequences for his actions & gives you control of your life, instead of handing it over to someone who doesnt respect you. You will find someone who treats you like the goddess you are, and who would never even think about betraying your trust by cheating. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck & happiness hun

DavidnAadynsMama

@captivated I wish there was a like button for your comment "dont let him fool you more than once"

dra765

Let him go try n find something better n u also. Sounds like u were young when u got together. You both need to figure out who u r n if its meant to be you'll get back together

moodymommie

i would have beat his ass number one. number two i would play hardball if you want him back tell him you dont want him & go out to relieve stress, dont call him either. idk if i would be able to do it it would gross me out & i would be too pissed off but try to give it time apart to see if you really want him or you just want someone. its hard with a baby

captivated

Yes, I've been in the situation multiple times and taken the person back again and again. I was then cheated on again and again. You are a strong woman and you need to set an example for your child even though they aren't old enough to understand. If you take him back now, I guarantee you that he won't change. Maybe short term, but not long term. He needs to know that it is unacceptable and see what life is like without you.

Cliff note version? Leave his ass. Respect yourself.

Mama_busy_bee

I was married 12 years to my high school sweetie. Caught him in same situation said they were just talking...friends don't talk in the dark mother fucker! lol. Anyway, it went on for years cheating, begging to stay, cheating. We got together too young.

He hasn't sowed his oats. I would leave, you both need to date around. Hard with babies, i know, we had 3. Now i am with a guy that was a manwhore in his 20s but now settled down. Lord knows he could cheat too, but he's home at night and its not anything like the first hubby. Then again we have other issues! It depends on what you can live with, what you can handle. He has been planning this for some time. Sounds like you need to get rid of him, but i know its easier said than done.

Mimii36

If he feels like he hasn't "lived his life" and that's his excuse for what he did then most likely he will cheat again. I mean this incident in getting caught doesn't change the fact that he "hasnt lived his life". Leave him. Let him grow up!

Molly

I agree with @DavidnAadynsMama, if he cheats and you take him back then he hasn't learned his lesson! He can have you AND the girls on the side! There is no problem in his eyes if he can have the family life and be promiscuous at the same time. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Junebuggbabie85

This sucks.

Mama_busy_bee

I agree about the cow...

DavidnAadynsMama

@junebuggbabie85 I know it sucks & its a shitty situation but HE is the one who has created this chaos for you. You shouldnt have to sit here thinking about what you should do. If he loved & respected you, he wouldnt have done it in the first place & caused this for you

tinka1326

Something I always think of is, if he did have sex with someone else, what diseases could he have bought home. I would be getting tested and if you think you might work things out with him demand he is too even if he says he didn't have sex with anyone. Better safe than sorry.