Im in Australia too!! Move to my state and I can watch the kids lol I feel for you though... My fiance got really distant after out daughter was born, but I think it's slowly getting better... I have no real advice though because all we scream at eachother when we fight.... Not exactly healthy...
@dadof2n1togo what books are u reading??? I'm have a relationship group on fb and from that group I created another group which is the book club one. We are reading books together and discussing them in the group.
@2boys1girl2love Just finished The five love languages by gary chapman which I actually found very interesting and made a plan to try some of it later. The other one my friend gave me is more for my wife to read lol. Its called Hot Sex and how to have it by Tracey Cox lol. I had a bit of a flick through but since I always get told not to touch her I figured that book wouldn't help me much lol.
Thanks I will look into them and maybe suggest them for a future read. Right now we are reading men are from mars woman are from venus... Which honestly I'm not getting into very much but I'm giving it a chance. And next is Act like a lady think like a man.
I used to be exactly like your wife sounds. I was always angry & depressed with no sex drive. I told him not to touch me but I wanted him to. I just didnt want sex. I felt like we had lost something. Women dont usually just have sex for the hell of it. We need to feel emotionally connected. Try your best to be close to her without pushing for sex. Sit next to her . Joke around and talk about non serious things. Hold her hand. Hug and kiss her (maybe just her cheek so she doesnt feel like you're pushing for sex). Learn to be friends with eachother again. Eventually, when she feels close to you again, she should be more open with you about her feelings. I still have zero sex drive after having our children, but ive noticed that when we are playful and not being so serious (and I dont feel pressured for sex) that im much more likely to want it. I dont know if any of this is making sense. I hope so because ive been in this exact situation. A wonderful husband who did all the right things, but we just grew apart over the years and needed to reconnect. But before the sex part, we needed to reconnect on an emotional level. Think of it as completely starting over. Pretend like You dont really "know" eachother and you've never been intimate. Seriously, look at it that way. Does this make sense? Sorry, im tired & rambling but this helped me & my husband a lot when we tried this
@My2Boys Not really but at the same time no worse lol. Have a house full of sick kids and a teething baby so I'm too tired to really care about me at the moment lol.
We haven't been arguing as much as we were but still doesnt feel right at the moment. Thanx for asking though.
Well for those that have read this thread here's an update for everyone. I'm well and truly DONE. I am throwing in the towel and have told my wife that I just give up trying anymore. We had no kids homelast night in a try by me to surprise her and all we did was argue. She threw at me that I only ever want sex which keeping in mind I have been lucky if it has been 5 times in 14 months, I lost mytemper totally. I told her everything I'm feeling at the moment about feeling unwanted and that she doesn't love me anymore and a lot of others things. I asked how she would feel in my place and I got nothing back from her at all. So I told her I'm done trying and that I give up. I'm now at work and feel numb and sick because Ijust don't know what to think anymore. I know its probably hormones for her making it hard but I just can't take it anymore. I love her so much but feel nothing back from her anymore.
Sorry so long and what not I am just so pissed off at the moment.
Maybe you should leave for a while then. It takes two people to fix a relationship, but it also takes two people to destroy one. Take a step back and find your faults. You leaving for a bit will likely snap her back to reality and make her realize that she misses and wants you. Make it clear to her that you will NOT come back until you two start attending counseling. Once that is going well, if it does, and you feel like you're getting somewhere, then you can come back.
@captivated thanks, the main problem with if I was to leave is she knows I have no where to go. Im also the main carer for the kids which makes it really hard. I know I need to stand up for myself and say enough is enough but its been going on so long now I just seem to have gotten stuck in it. I want to work on it but I don't know what she wants anymore and she won't talk to me about it. She always says she is tired which I understand but at the same time so am I since I sleep on average 3hrs or less a day. Guess at the moment all I can do is give her space and try be patient which is not a strong point with me lol.
@captivated Wouldn't be an issue apart from the fact she doesn't want me anywhere near her lately lol. I'm just trying to stay patient and not argue in front of the kids. I swear some days it would be easier if I just didn't love her so much because then it wouldn't be hurting so much.
@bexiewexie That sux that he is still on his man period lol. Hopefully his hormones drop soon for you otherwise just attack him while he's asleep.
"I swear some days it would be easier if I just didn't love her so much because then it wouldn't be hurting so much." <<<Made me tear up. You're a good man. I really hope she comes out from under her rock and realizes it soon. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You are amazing.
Thanks @Fate if only it seemed to make a difference lol. I know I'm in no way perfect and that I'm possibly to blame as well but is hard to try change for her when I don't know what to change. We haven't spoken at all today and I've been at work since 5am so 9hours so far and another 3 and a half hours to go before I finish a busy double shift lol. Then will be home for tea and bath all the kids and probably help with the older 2s homework before bedtime lol.
@captivated I have wondered this as I used to only work night shifts and things didn't seem as bad. I just really don't know after all I love her and want to trust her but feel like something isn't right. She said last night she just doesn't feel like sex anymore and then I either get I just want to cuddle or I'm tired etc. I can understand she is tired as she works full time as well and if bub wakes at night I don't hear him which I hate because I feel like I let her down when she has to go to work. The never cuddle bit pisses me off as that is the only thing that does happen, I barely get a kiss anymore and if I do its a 1 second peck.
So yeah I don't know what to think anymore really. Like surely she would at least have wanted something in the last 6 weeks or so but nope. I don't think she is having a physical affair but I do question whether there is someone else emotionally.
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I feel for you though... My fiance got really distant after out daughter was born, but I think it's slowly getting better... I have no real advice though because all we scream at eachother when we fight.... Not exactly healthy...
Lol thanx it gets like that.
Just finished The five love languages by gary chapman which I actually found very interesting and made a plan to try some of it later. The other one my friend gave me is more for my wife to read lol. Its called Hot Sex and how to have it by Tracey Cox lol. I had a bit of a flick through but since I always get told not to touch her I figured that book wouldn't help me much lol.
Yeah it makes perfect sense and is what I an trying to do.
Not really but at the same time no worse lol. Have a house full of sick kids and a teething baby so I'm too tired to really care about me at the moment lol.
We haven't been arguing as much as we were but still doesnt feel right at the moment.
Thanx for asking though.
I told her everything I'm feeling at the moment about feeling unwanted and that she doesn't love me anymore and a lot of others things. I asked how she would feel in my place and I got nothing back from her at all. So I told her I'm done trying and that I give up.
I'm now at work and feel numb and sick because Ijust don't know what to think anymore. I know its probably hormones for her making it hard but I just can't take it anymore. I love her so much but feel nothing back from her anymore.
Sorry so long and what not I am just so pissed off at the moment.
I think she just needs a reality check.
Thanks and am hoping things will improve but I just don't know how much longer I can keep.pretending to be OK.
Wouldn't be an issue apart from the fact she doesn't want me anywhere near her lately lol. I'm just trying to stay patient and not argue in front of the kids. I swear some days it would be easier if I just didn't love her so much because then it wouldn't be hurting so much.
@bexiewexie That sux that he is still on his man period lol. Hopefully his hormones drop soon for you otherwise just attack him while he's asleep.
We haven't spoken at all today and I've been at work since 5am so 9hours so far and another 3 and a half hours to go before I finish a busy double shift lol. Then will be home for tea and bath all the kids and probably help with the older 2s homework before bedtime lol.
So yeah I don't know what to think anymore really. Like surely she would at least have wanted something in the last 6 weeks or so but nope. I don't think she is having a physical affair but I do question whether there is someone else emotionally.