Just about done

dadof2n1togo

As title says I am just about done with my marriage. I am so close to just packing my stuff and walking out the door and never looking back. I have been with my wife for nearly 14 years and never thought it would come to this. I love my wife and kids with everything I have but just don't feel like it's the same for her anymore.
We have no intimacy or hardly even talk anymore. I just don't know what to even try anymore as I have tried all I can think of. I am over being stuck home everyday with the kids and having no life or any place to go to get out of the house. My wife can go get a manicure or her hair done which is a couple of hours but never tries to do anything with or for me.

Sorry for all the negative crap I just needed to get it out where she can't see it.

Mrz_Jackson

Me an my husband jus went thru the same exact thing we were the same way we didn't sleep together anymore we never went out an my husband sed he wanted a divorce an didn't come home from work it definatly opened my eyes an now were totally happy we go an do stuff evn if its jus goin out a riding around if u try to talk to her about it an nuthn works try leaving like my hubby did maybe it will open her eyes I really hope everythang works out for u

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dadof2n1togo

@Mrz_Jackson
Thanx. The only problem is she knows I have absolutely nowhere to go at all. She also knows I can't leave my kids plus all my money would go to raising them as it does now. This is why I really don't know what to do. The problem is I feel like she almost wants me to walk away so she can blame the marriage failing on me.

dadof2n1togo

@myfirstbabii
See above post.

EricaK22

Maybe stay with a friend for a few days or just take yourself on a mini vacation? I left for a week, and came back..and things were a lot better in my relationship.

Mrz_Jackson

My husband has not one person where we live either so he went to a hotel for 2 nites an it really opened my eyes have u thought of sum kind of marriage counseling?

Summergirl22

I feel like I'm almost in your very shoes except give or take a few things. I'm in the house 24/7 taking care of the kids, and I'm in school full time (online of course) and he can do what ever he wants whenever he wants, but God forbid I ask him to watch our daughter so I can take a shower! So not right....I hear you....but 14 years and your family is a hell of a lot to lose, can you try couples consoling? Maybe she just needs help seeing your side. My hubby sees his way and his way only! It's so frustrating!

dadof2n1togo

I have suggested counselling but she has always said she doesn't think we need it. I can't afford to stay at a hotel and don't have any friends I could stay with as I care for the kids wednesday to saturday as none of her family will ever help. I have made an appointment with my doctor to get help as I think I'm depressed and bordering suicidal at the moment.

Guess i just have to stay unhappy at the moment and try work out how to change things I seem to have no control over. Our youngest is now 5 months old which makes it basically 13 months of no sex and no sign of things changing.

Roxy

Wat it is u need to put ur foot dwn sum times both parties need a reality check

Summergirl22

Ooh no, I'm sorry you feel this way! She seems very inconsiderate. Give her an ultimatum that she comes with you to consoling or your packing your bags. Somethings gotta give....do you suspect she could be cheating? Please get help, call a crisis team, your life will get better and your kids need you! Your going through a hard time right now, but I promise it will get better! Hang in there, you will come out a stronger person. Don't lose sight of what's truly important (the kids). And you need time to yourself. When she walks in from wherever...walk out, you don't need money...just go for a walk! Get fresh air, cool down, have a moment to yourself. I hope things get better for you, no one deserves to be treated like this.

dadof2n1togo

@Summergirl22
I feel like theres something going on whether its someone else or not I don't know. I would like to think its just a rift between us at the moment because there is no way I could forgive her if she has cheated and I will be keeping the kids and throwing all her shit on the front yard.

I am going back to kick boxing training tonight to work off some anger and get fitness back up for going back to work. I have bought back my return to work after a serious injury sooner than I should because I need out of the house. The stress at work won't help but oh well.

Thanx @everyone for comments though it has helped calm me down a bit.

Summergirl22

Well that is good about your plans for kick boxing, I think that will be great for you! Be careful returning to work if you haven't healed from a previous injury. Could you take just a temp job, one that's not as stressful nor physically straining? If your idea is to get out and get a break, a lighter job for now might be perfect. I would demand answers from her! Don't let her walk all over you, a relationship should be 50/50. Best of luck! Hang in there, things will work themselves out!

smcox

Demand the counseling! Also go to the Dr and get on anti depressants! You could also take vitamin D. You need to sit her down and have a completely open and honest talk with her. Tell her what you told us and more. Let her know you are to the point of leaving and getting a divorce. You could try "The Love Dare Book" sounds silly but helps. She may be feeling resentment towards you since you get to stay home and be with the kids. Or may feel unloved as well. There are a ton of factors that could be playing a part as to why she's treating you the way she is. And please remember your kids need you and love you! I'm sure your wife still loves you too! You two just need to learn how to rekindle the romance and figure out why it died in the first place. I know it's hard but you need to fight not only for your self worth but also your marriage. Good luck! Good luck and remember you are loved and needed! And please get to the Dr ASAP for help with the suicidal thoughts!

dadof2n1togo

@smcox I have a appointment with the doctor tomorrow to talk but have to be careful about medication with my job.

@Summergirl22
I can't take a temp job but have requested station duties for a period of 3 months and then review. Kick boxing went well tonight and am absolutely stuffed lol. I don't think she resents me because she got 5 months home with the bub because I was on disability as injury was a knife wound at work. I am a police officer so comes with the job I guess.

My sil gave me some ideas to try with her when we aren't arguing and are alone. Basically it is just to describe how I feel about myself in a day and ask her to do the same in return.

Summergirl22

Well I wish you the best, let us know how the talk goes

captivated

I don't suggest leaving. If leaving actually led to a divorce and custody battle, leaving is considered "abandonment" in court. Then she will get alimony and likely physical custody of the children. It happens everyday. Any lawyer you see will tell you NOT to leave the marital home.

Im not saying it will come to that, but just to cover all of your bases to prepare for worst case scenario. I don't know what marital advice to give you, other than counseling. If the marriage is over, file for divorce while you are still living in the marital home, try to mediate, but do not leave until temporary custody is decided.

Best of luck to you

second_time_mommy7

I know this is kind of a dumb question but, do you sleep in the same bed? Do you try to be intimate with her and get shut down? Have you expressed to her that you feel alone and you need a break from the house every now and then?

dadof2n1togo

@second_time_mommy7
Yes we sleep in the same bed and if I try even give her a cuddle lately I get you're just trying to get sex. I don't even get kisses anymore from her. I have told her many times that it feels like she doesn't love me anymore or maybe she has grown to comfortable but then she just shuts me out.

@captivated
In australia it doesnt matter what I was to do in relation to leaving or not. Even if I could provide evidence of her being a bad mum which she isn't I would still lose custody. Its crap but happens all the time and I have had to deal with the fall out for other families through working in law enforcement and the family courts.

dadof2n1togo

On the bright side I have my firearms requalification tonight. That should drop the stress levels lol :-)

second_time_mommy7

Ohhh... That's a tough one. Try to plan a romantic night for the 2 of you. I know it kinda sucks because your already the one giving and giving and all she does is take. But if you make her feel wanted, loved and attractive she will have no choice but to tell you to back off or give in. For all we know it could be something going with her confidence since having the baby and have absolutely nothing to do with you or your relationship. I myself have a hard time dealing with my post baby body and I feel unattractive and I feel my husband sees me the same way I do and that's just not the case. It not fair for you to be the only one giving but if you want your marriage to work you I would try to plan a night to get a babysitter take her to dinner and then get a hotel room. If your feeling froggy buy her a pretty dress and surprise her. I would never be able to turn my husband down if he made me feel so special. I just feel like you need one night to show her how special she is to you, she would remember why she married you and fall in love all over again. Try to not bring up your problems and just let it be about love:) sorry its so long

dadof2n1togo

@second_time_mommy 7
Problem we have is I have no family where we live and her family won't even watch the kids for us to go to movies even. Last time we went to a hotel was 2 years ago for my birthday. I want to stay somewhere for my 30th but no it won't happen unless I organise it. I know I have to keep trying but you can only kick a dog for so long before it runs away.

second_time_mommy7

That is very true, I wouldn't use your bday to give her a special night lol. You don't have any friends that would keep the kids for a night?

Janet_2011

I have no advice to give that hasn't already be given, I just want to say that I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough situation, just think really hard before making a decision you will later regret. I wish you the best.

dadof2n1togo

Ok so I bought the wife a big bunch of flowers today which goes against everything I wanted to do. I also put a note with them saying the following :- dear kylie, sorry I'm such a crap husband lately. I love you so much but lately have felt so unwanted and it hurts so much. Again sorry I can't be the husband you seem to want me to be. Love michael.

She hasn't said much yet but I didn't get anything thrown at me so far.

Kimberly4411

She needs to get on some depression medication, if she's on some, make sure she's taking it and if so see about getting the dosage upped. Sad to say, i get like that if i skip my pills. I dont leave my daughter, and it doesn't affect how i take care of her. I think i know how she's feeling, Its hard to explain though i do give my husband sex (the pills dont help with that part) but it feels like basically rape to me, i didnt heal right down there (tmi) and sex is excrutiating.
When i'm off my pills i could care less what he was doing, i've come to not expect help with our daughter and he's come to not even asking about sex. I dont care about anything and in all honesty when i'm off my pills, i do good to take care of my daughter.
Sorry so long and doesn't make sense, if you have any questions that you want to ask feel free, i'm out of my pills, so i'm in the perfect mindset lol

dadof2n1togo

@Kimberly4411
Thanx. I know exactly how depression can affect people as I have suffered from it bad twice. I am only just starting to come out tge other side from the last one and its hard with all thats going on in my life at the moment.

I have started reading a couple of relationship books a close friend of mine has leant me that helped her in her marriage. In the first book it all started to make a bit more sense what was happening and that was only the second page lol. I an now over half way through it and am not ashamed to admit it had reduced me to tears a couple of times because it is just hitting everything I'm feeling right on the head. Am hoping she will read it afterwards and get the same insight from it.

Kimberly4411

Do you mind telling me the name of the book? Maybe it could help me

dadof2n1togo

@Kimberly4411
Its called... The five love languages. How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate by gary chapman.

Molly

I love the five love languages! Your wife doesn't sound like she is opening up to you and she is bottling everything inside. The bouquet of flowers with the note was very cathartic but you said she didn't say anything. That in itself should have opened a door to conversation! If you can get her talking that may help a little. Just starting a conversation is a good start.

I hope it works out for you guys.

lyndsay1983

The five love languages is fab! Also get the movie 'fireproof' its a Christian based film which i loved! Me and my hubby watched it together and what a difference it made! Get through book The Love Dare as someone mentioned earlier too. Lots of luck