Just wanna get this out...

Mimii36

Sometimes I wonder if I would even still be with my boyfriend if we didn't have our daughter. I mean don't get me wrong...I love him. But sometimes I find myself questioning if I'm still in love with him. Some of you may remember when we had the discussion about marriage and he basically gave me some bullshit answers about why he hasn't proposed. It seems like every since then..my feelings just haven't been the same for him. I don't look at him or our relationship the same. It's like now I'm just sitting around waiting for something better to come along....

I really just needed to get that out. No need for comments really. Just thanks for listening.

clope18

I'm in the EXACT same situation!! Me & by bd have been together 5..going on 6 yrs. we have a 7 month old son & I asked him if he ever plans on marrying me & he said "i don't believe in marriage...plus what if we end up divorcing, then you're gonna take half my shit". Dick head I know! my feeling have dropped a lot I mean, i'm still young (21), I have my whole life ahead of me...BUT I don't wanna be 50yrs old calling myself a "GIRLFRIEND", that sounds really pathetic to me. My bd is 23, i'm hoping he'll grow up SOON

Mimii36

@clope18 I'm 21 also. My bf didn't say he doesn't believe in marriage. He keeps coming at me with "we are getting married someday" and I feel like that's just a lie. He says why rush it...I say why not?! I mean isn't that what two people in love do? They get married. He told me "our relationship wasn't stable"...more bullshit because its the most stable its been since we've been together. Then he says there's things we both need to work on and change. He told me what I needed to work on and I did. I stopped. But when he tells me the things he feels he needs to work on...he hasn't even began to do these things. If you wanted to work these things out bad enough then you would. And its not even hard stuff. It's simple stuff like he feels he doesn't help out around the house like he should(which he doesnt). He hasnt improved on any if this. It's like he wants to stay with his faults so he can continue to use that excuse. It's like excuses excuses! And honestly now I don't know if I want him to propose...I just wouldn't feel that its genuine. And I feel the same way about just being a "girlfriend" 50years from now. That's not the life I had planned. And now I find myself even contemplating cheating sometimes(even though I know I wouldn't do it if it came down to it).
I just feel like I can do better. There's someone out there who wouldn't mind giving me all the things I want.

heyitsme

I kinda feel the same way except he proposed on xmas but I just feel like its not gonna happen and that the only reason he did that is because of the baby. and his family pressuring him. I find myself asking the same thing "would we still be together if we didn't have a baby?"
seems like all we do is disagree. even about the stupidest things. he never wants to make decisions about anything. even dinner! I get tired of planning dinner every night so once in a while I ask him WHAT DO YOU WANT for dinner. well he never gives me an answer its always oh I don't know you decide. idk it just seems like he's checked out of the relationship and it doesn't help all the stress we have. ugh sorry for venting on your post I just had to say it

clope18

Totally understandable! Ugh MEN! We went to Vegas a yr & a half ago...I didn't know I was pregnant at the time though, well we passed by that place where you get married & I was like let's do it! (That's one of the things on my bucket list) & he said NO. Bummer! He thinks too far ahead in the future, I want somebody who lives in the moment, like me.lol. But unfortunately, he says if we get married & divorce he things I'll take half of everything..which I am not the person to take someone else's stuff...& FYI He doesn't make much.lol. we've been together 5 yrs, living together 3...why not get married!? I don't understand If i'm not married by the time i'm 23...I'll probably leave

clope18

Oh & what aggravates me is that his sister has a 2yr old daughter, she just got a boyfriend. They've been together 6 months & he already proposed to her! Ugh!

Mimii36

@heyitsme vent away! Lol. And my bf is the same way about making decisions. I hate it!

@clope18 I just feel like he's just gotten too comfortable with everything. It's like he has in his mind that I'm going to stay regardless. And that is NOT the case. I will get fed up eventually.

Mimii36

@clope18 yea that would aggravate me too! Ugh! I see fb friends around me getting married and proposed too and I'm a bit jealous. Lol

1stWoodsBaby

Girl I'm MARRIED and in the same position. Just be thankful you aren't married to him and dealing with these feelings. Husband and I had a lot of issues that came to the surface in January and things haven't been the same since then. We were talking divorce until we found out I was pregnant with our 2nd. What luck, huh?

Mimii36

@1stWoodsBaby I know the feeling. It's like you're so thankful to be having a baby but it throws such a curve at your true feelings sometimes.

YNVTish

@Mimii36 ... Girl this topic always gets me.

I was in the same boat. I'm 38 and he's 36 and BEFORE I agreed to have our 9 month old we talked about our future.. getting married and where we wanted to go. As soon as I got pregnant he started pushing it to the side.. saying why rush, we will...

Since I was already married once it was very hard for me to go through my pregnancy and not be married.. I was so embarrassed at times. Plus when I brought up marriage to him and/or a ring it would turn into a big ass blowup.

But whenever someone else asked... He sounded so confident that he wanted to marry me.. and blah blah blah!

Finally one day (2 months ago) I said I was done. We had got over $5000 in tax return and he had NO INTENTIONS of putting any money on a ring. FUCK THAT I'M DONE... Fuck all those dreams he was trying to sale me. IM DONE!

Now mind you my dumb ass is a stay at home mom.. I go to school full time to get my masters. He brings in all the Damn money AND puts me threw school.

But I still said FUCK THIS I'M DONE.. (My mom was like... Girl what are you doing, I.hope your dumb butt has a plan)

It didn't go the way I planed it to...

He said I'm not gonna be pressure to do something.. I'm done too

I was like W...T...F.... what the Hell did I do. LOL! Mind you, we NEVER EVER argue except about this topic.

Soooo he moved out.. lol. And being the Scorpio that I am... I ran straight to the bank and raped our accounts dry. LOL (Im evil at times but he wasn't gonna leave, and I was left dry)

So after 2 weeks of us living in separate places ... Both playing hard ball and I minimized visitation with his daughter because I didn't want him up in my face all the time.. plus I was being a bitch. LOL

Well after 2.weeks he came to realize that he was being selfish, he missed me, he knew now that he wanted to marry me and he shouldn't have been acting like a.sick.. and he also admitted hes extremely scared.

All I know is we went out immediately and put my ring on lay-A-way.

IF YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE... PUT A RING ON IT!

In about 30 more days I'll be rocking my bling.

KylieMommie

@YNVTish. I'm gonna cry....what a great story!

YNVTish

@kyliemommie ... Sorry so long .. LOL

MyLove2

@YNVTish Sad that things have to go that far sometimes to get our points across.

SalasMommy

I am actually married god we have been through hell and back. Some good and some bad from the both of us. Sometimes I have second thoughts but I know I love him. It gets different after you have kids ita no longer about you and him its just the babies well at least in my case. Sometimes we find it hard to even have sex bc my son is always with us. But what I always think about is that as a mom now i have a responsibility. as a mom and a wife. I want my son to have a dad and live with both parents. I knwo with some women it can't be the case bc of different situations. I mean when ita great It's great and when it sucks it sucks but that's a part of marriage not even married but being bf/gf having a child. I'm pgnt again and I'm sure as hell not going to mess things up for a fling. Ahh its hard to be a grown up. But i know i speak for moms when I say that we never look for our interest anymore but for he children. (: I hope things get better try to talk to him about it. My husband and I talked about it latest everything down on the table.and got the conclusion that we want to work it out and that we love each other. Believe me when i tell you we have been through HELL! Talk it out. See what yall come up with. Don't rush the marriage I'm sure he will see someday till then don't pressure him you would want him to ask you bc he wants to not bc he is pressure it will be more beautiful

YNVTish

@mimii36 I know how your feeling because when I was going through what you're going through I became sad, depressed and even mad at times.

I started to feel like he thought I wasn't good enough for him and if he's been getting the cow for free ... Including the baby cow too he will never want to purchase it.

He felt that marriage was way more of a commitment then having a baby and us females know that It's NOT.

You can divorce and walk away from a wife but youre bonded for life with your child's mother.

HERE'S A GREAT INSERT FROM:
Steve Harvey's book....

“Your objective is to avoid being on a string. The first step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it's a risk you have to take. Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding on to the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to walk away and you'll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.”

― Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

Mimii36

@ynvtish man you hit the nail on the head! My bf us exactly like this. The topic always turns into an argument. He is exactly the same when it comes to talking to other people...he tells them we are gonna get married. So matter of factly like we didn't just have an argument about the same thing. It's embarrassing..I feel like I'm being used at times. I love your story but I honestly think that if I leave...I'm gone for good. Not because I dont love him and don't want to be with him but because I don't want to feel like I made me propose. I just want it on his own terms. My "father in law" told me last night(we talk alot) that his mother always told him if a man isn't trying to marry you in 3-4 years then he probably doesn't want too. He looked right at me and told me I wasn't happy. Even though I tried to convince him I was. Sometimes I just feel like emotionally checked out of this relationship already.

YNVTish

@mimii36 ... I was miserable too. I think sometimes men need a little push or a Damn reality check....

I think you love him but you don't love this issue.

I flipped the script with my honey. I first sat him down and told him that I didn't like the ultimatum he was giving me "we.can be.together, play house and go threw the motions of.being married but not be. I also told him everything evolves and nothing stays the same. That I didn't want to be in a relationship that didn't progress. Im too old to play this marriage game. I also want to raise me child in the best united front unioned relationship possible. Us being together is one thing but if he couldnt be proud to not only commitment to me silently and also to the world and before god he wasn't the man I thought I was falling in love with.

Well that talk got him to see things my way... But still no ring.

I'm not telling you to leave him @mimii36 but I know.its.gong to take something extreme to get the ball back in your court.

Sorry for all of the periods and typos Smart phones make me look stupid ! LOL

preggointx

I'm a single mom of about to be 2 I just wish that I had someone to love in an adult manner but I know what u mean

valentinasmommy

I think marriage is to enhance a good relationship. Not make one good or better. I think if you know what you have in an relationship,then no need for marriage. To me, marriage is a paper and a ring bought with money. Honestly, what is marriage? I know Im good because hes staying and helping me and being there. What exactly is marriage gonna prove? If hes not really good now, marriage wont make him better. If hes good now, marriage can also tear things apart.

YNVTish

@valentinasmommy.... Marriage is a "union" of you, your spouse and god! It's a religious ceremony to conform your relationship to god and everyone around you.

As for me and I believe I can speak for @mimii36 that our relationships are great... BUT the topic of marriage is the only thing that is negative in our relationship.

I dont think I think I could ever be ok or except that we would never get married.

To me its like working a great job that you love and you work super hard at and take pride at but there is no room for growth, raise, bonuses it other benefits.

If you're ok with staying in this one position with the same be.. ok not getting married is perfect for you.

But as.for me I evolve as time goes on and I want my relationship to grow as well.

I need promotions, benefits, bonuses.. I'm tying to make it to the CEO position ;-)

valentinasmommy

thats great too. I see no shame. Im saying if its bad, or OK, i say think about it. Theres no telling they may change. I see most dont. If hes not bringing up marriage or get antsy and hes not making living sitiation arrangements. Then i wouldnt, idk.

Mimii36

@YNVTish exactly!

BrookeNTony

@mimii36 I totally feel u. My boyfriend constantly tells me that we wouldn't be together if it wasn't for our daughter and it breaks my heart. He says that he is just going to stay with me for the next 18 years because he will never let another man raise his daughter. We have been together for 8 years n he has no intentions of every marrying me. From the beginning of our relationship he has told me that he doesn't want to get married. I would love to get married I know that he loves me but he just gets pissed and says all of that bs. It seriously breaks my heart but I just deal with it.