custody...

clope18

How do i go about getting full custody of my son? He's 10 months, only child. I'm not working, in nursing school though, we're living at my grandparents until i finish. You might remember my story with my bd, he was/is always on cocaine. I didn't know he did it until i caught him after giving him a second chance when he promised he wouldn't do it again. So after i caught him, he confessed to how often he actually does it. "almost everyday" is what he told me. Would i be able to get full custody of him even though I'm not working? my bd has a full time job, & apartment, suspended license. I have text messages of him saying what he does & taking really ugly to me, if that helps? I'm in austin, tx. Idk what the rules are here I've never done this before so I'm not sure where to start. Any advice would help, thanks in advance ladies i greatly appreciate it

clope18

*talking

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clope18

@HomeBirthAdvocate thanks so much for responding. Where would i file?

Bahamamama4828

Court house.

clope18

@Bahamamama4828 wahhh, courthouses scare me..I've never been to one, but just the sound of it lol i need to do it fast cuz he text me saying that a soon as he starts walking he's gonna take him everywhere. & he's starting to walk for the past few days. I don't trust him with baby John. His mom does drugs with him, i don't want him to do that with my baby

second_time_mommy7

keep messages from him as proof of confession, if you positive he is still on drugs ask that the court drug test him if he shows up and there may even be a slight chance that her can get any type of custody. In Ohio if you were never married "an unwed mother has full custody until otherwise determined in court". Look into your state laws on unwed mothers and custody. My opinion is... If they are the same laws don't file for custody because you have it unless he files for it. If you file your just giving him a chance to get custody. You can get info from the police station or court house on your state laws get them to print off a copy and keep it in your child's diaper bag so he can't just come pick him up whenever if your not there.

caroline8_p

Texas is a big "on the mom's side" state. You Willl more than likely win. Good luck!

clope18

@second_time_mommy7 thank you SO much, I'm going to look that up right now. We were never married. Just boyfriend/girlfriend. I'll give the courthouse a call tomorrow just to make sure. Thanks again

Bahamamama4828

Good luck! Don't let him take your lo he doesn't have to give him back if he's on the birth certificate until an order is in place from the judge. Unless you live in a good state that favors moms of course

second_time_mommy7

I just looked it up... Laws are the same, don't file anything. You have full custody until he files, then paternity test and then court hearing.

second_time_mommy7

I went through this years ago... My bd tried to keep my son (after a visit I allowed) his mom was dating the police chief, they told me I couldn't have him back I went to the next county told them what was going on they called his county I met a police officer and went to go pick up my son:)

Bahamamama4828

Lucky!!! My son was kept from me and the law coukdnt help without an order
@second_time_mommy7

second_time_mommy7

I would keep a print off and a note in the diaper bag though just so if he ever tries to get him and your not there they would probably turn him over to his father over a baby sitter, but if you have that custody print off with a note saying so and so is to care for my child you'll be safe:)

clope18

@second_time_mommy7 he's on the birth certificate, does that make a difference?

second_time_mommy7

@bahamamamma4828 it was hell and took about 7 hours to get him back but I'm glad I didn't give up after they told me no the first time!

second_time_mommy7

Nope. Unless he has been tested his name on the birth certificate means nothing!

clope18

@Bahamamama4828 i just did some reading & here in Texas if you're not married they do favor the mom more. they look to see who is the best fit parent, caregiver, financially, parent child relationship. The only thing i won't stand a chance is financially stable cuz i don't have a job. I'm in school though. I don't drink, don't smoke don't do drugs, don't go out. My son is with me all the time, unless I'm at school. His dad is an alcoholic (he brags about this), does drugs, chain smokes, & is ALWAYS out. Oh & he drives with a suspended license, & NEVER has groceries i would hate to lose a custody battle against him...i love my son so much, i would die if i lost him

Bahamamama4828

Aww I'm in Oregon and here they include all that and if you're bfing.

clope18

@second_time_mommy7 i just went back & read that part i just don't want to lose my only baby to someone i don't trust. If he didn't drink ordo drugs, i wouldn't have a problem. But the fact that he thinks drugs are okay & how he thinks he has a cool mom cuz she does drugs with him & gives him money to buy them..that's NOT okay with me. I don't want to find out that my baby has a "cool" dad who sneaks him drugs. I would lose my mind if he gave our son drugs or even got high around him

jules

My bf just went to custody with his ex and I have two good friends that have been through this. Honestly don't even stress. When u get there just go to the main desk say you need to get custody papers so they will open your case and make sure you file for low income because there are lots of paper work fees and from what you're telling me I don't think u will have hard time qualifying. And as far as you getting custody it tint be a problem at all. They never want any drug around children even if he had a roommate for example that was on drugs they consider that bad parenting if you can say because that's putting your child in danger therefore poor choice as parent. And the fact that he has job and you don't is actually good thing because they see that as better reason for you to have the child since you are home more. They will just make him pay more child support. Honestly don't stress about and if you guys don't get along look into a pro bono lawyer because all of them have to do certain amount of hours of free work that way you can have someone represent you or at least give you some direction on what you need to do next.

second_time_mommy7

Heres the thing, if you don't file for custody you have it. If he files you go to court and you tell the judge exactly what you told me. "If he didn't do drugs I would feel comfortable leaving my child in his care, but he does drugs and my child would not be safe with him or anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I'd like to request he be drug tested before custody mediation begins." They will probably make you pay for the drug test (I had to $30) and he will be tested before he leaves the court room. Here is the kicker NEVER mention drugs or custody to him.. if you don't he won't think to take goldenseal before court. Don't tell anyone about having him tested. As far as financial support, if your baby has food and a safe clean place to live that's all they will look for. As long as you have the means of providing what he needs (through work, school check (lol), help from family) you are financially supporting him.

clope18

What's goldenseal? Never heard of that. But when they drug test in court over here they take a strand of hair, it can test back to like 10yrs or so & the last time you did drugs. So I'm not worried about that part especially since i saved all of these text messages. I need to print them out in case they get deleted

clope18

@second_time_mommy7

clope18

Oh && i also have a text msg from when he left us home one time to go"party" & i asked him if getting drunk & coked up was more important than being at home spending time with our son & his reply "right now it is" I'm almost certain a judge won't let that slide

pineapple07

Double check to see if text messages can be used as valid evidence. Some places won't use them.

clope18

@pineapple07 that sucks, how do i check that?

pineapple07

If you can get a pro bono lawyer ask them, I just remember one of the ladies here wanting to use texts in her custody battle and then found out she couldn't.

YNVTish

I've been through custody battles with BD of my 19 year.. divorce and custody battle of my 2 middle kids.

If your not married and his name is not on the bC then you're fine.

If he is on the BC then you should file for full physical and soul custody... That's EVERYTHING under the sun.

Most likely he won't show up to court and you'll automatically get custody.

It doesn't matter if you work or not. Living with your folks is fine . Plus you're going to school which is great.

Push the courts to do drug test and request parenting class FIRST if he wants partial custody/visitation.

What will happen is this will hold him up in court for 3-6 months + while he does his classes and takes his drug tests. If he tests positive they won't allow him the baby.

clope18

@YNVTish thanks I'm positive he won't go to the classes. When i got baby baptized, he was supposed to go to a "one time" 2hr class & still hasn't gone he's not very committed to anything unless it involves partying or him getting new guns & equipment

second_time_mommy7

You can get goldenseal from gnc it basically clears out your urine of drugs. If they do a hair test and not urine you don't need to worry about him using goldenseal because it will only work for urine:) you could file for custody but reading the laws on unwed mother, like I said I wouldn't because you have it already have it and filing may just open up a can of worms. But save EVERYTHING that could prove you are the better parent just in case he files. Does he see your son now? And how often? Does he try to have a relationship with him?