Bathtime nightmare. *update*

angel26

I cant do this anymore. As some of you know im having trouble with my 3yo about bathtime. I used to at least be able to get him in the water. Well now I cant even mention bathtime without a fight. I swear he is going to make me lose all my children. I cant take it anymore. I am really a bad mother. I have to make him take a bath. Which means him screaming and splashing water everywhere. He now has red hand marks on his arm from trying to wash him and keep him from falling and craking his head open or drowning. Now my shoulder hurts like hell from the struggle. I hate hearing him scream. I hate fighting with him just to give him a dam bath. Hell, trying to change him is hard enough. I cant take it anymore. I even tried talking to him before but just the word sent him overbord. Im done, I cant do this. His behavior is horrible and hes only 3. I cant do it anymore. Im going to lose my children because of all his dam screaming.

mommyof3girls

Will he shower w u? Like w u holding him? Maybe try that? I'm having one of those days too. One of those days when u realize why so many moms r alcoholics. Lol... Ok, just kidding there (a little bit). Parenting is hard. Tomorrow is a new day tho.

angel26

Im fighting back tears because im so upset. How could I go so wrong. I guess I should not have had children because I suck as a parent.

[Deleted User]

^^^^ i was going to say the same thing. Lol

angel26

@mommyof3girls no, we have tried showering too. He screams regardless how we try cleaning him.

[Deleted User]

About showering,

angel26

@char ^ we have tried showering. We have tried bath toys, markers, bubble bath. Everything.

ExcitedForOctober

Maybe try to find a video on Youtube on bathing for little kids, an educational cartoon or something, there has to be something out there that you can show him. Something that will show how "fun" it is.

angel26

He used to have to have fun in the tub. Now its just a nightmare.
Im sorry he has me so upset i cant even look at him. And i know thats a horrible thing to say. Its all from anger, frustration and pain.
@excitedforoctober @char @mommyof3girls

MorgDeeBee

Maybe find a book about bath time

1stWoodsBaby

Have you ever asked him why he doesn't like bath time?

lilloulou

Does he like swimming pools? My daughter got like that and we just stuck her in the middle of a room with plastic down in a blow up pool in her swim suit after a little while she thought it was fun I.
Had even tried to.bath with her to show her it was ok would her wash my hair with her shampoo to show it was harmless and now she is a fish

cheryl74

#1 your not a bad mother, something about bathing obviously upsets him, and I'm afraid until you find out what that is the situation isn't gonna get any better, #2 your nit gonna loose your children over thus, just the fact that your trying to rectify this shows you care. I think you need to take it slowly, stop bathing and try just washing him down with a cloth, make it fun, but don't include a bath if water, maybe just use a bowl, so its nit to intimidating for him. Let him watch you bath the others without him having to come in, let hum help and make it fun..... It will get better, its just gonna take time.
My moto has always been "a dirty kid us a happy kid" lol xxx

perly

@angel26 you cannot give up. I hope this doesn't sound rude, but you are not the only mother in the world struggling like this. You need to keep trying, and talking to him. Shower with him, and add toys. I know you said you already tried it, but keep doing it. You have to be consistent. Try going in a kids pool with him with very little water and bring in toys. While playing with him, show him the resemblance to showering. Be consistent. You'll be a bad mother if you give up.

MichelleBelle

It has nothing to do with your skills as a mother!!!! My nephew does the same thing and he used to stay at our house once a week and I dreaded bathtime. The weird thing was he loved swimming or running through the sprinkler. We just had to be firm, say we have to do this and get it over with. He would play happily after washing time was over. Some kids just do this I think, but it does suck your neighbors can hear and make judgements. Could you maybe go talk to them and just tell them your son just hates baths?

angel26

This could be just cuz im upset. But bathtime is just the worst part. He used to be a fish and love to play in water. He has never liked washing his hair but over the past year it has gotten much worse. And this also includes his behavior. He has been such a brat, and constantly yelling, screaming. He fights with his brother all the time. He takes everything away from his little sister. He hits everyone. He talks back (although we cant understand him most of the time). The horrible bathtime started around the time we lost our home i think. The bad behavior got worse while in the shelter. So i guess he could be reacting to everything we have been through. Now im trying my hardest to make that crap happen again. But i dont know how to deal with this. I feel like he is traumitised because of everything we have been through. And now im being horrible by punishing him.
I think i need parentling classes or something. I am not perfect, i wish i could say i dont yell. Or spank on occation. But i cant. I have tried so many different ways to deal with my boys. But i have failed. My 3yo is worse but my 5yo isnt an angel by no means. Im just going to go to bed and cry. I see how so many people can handle there kids without spanking or yelling, and yet i cant do anything right by my kids, excrpt keep them alive and fed.

angel26

@michellebelle i cant talk to neighbors, they dont speak english.

MyLove2

Maybe have a doctor check him out and talk to them about the problem. Just to be sure it's not connected to any health issues. Is the place you bath him in a private place or more of a public area? Sounds kinda silly to ask that but that can also be a reason he could be terrified of being bathed or more of a public spot.

angel26

Now that we have a place its private. I even tried giving him a bath today all by himself. We usually bathe him and his brother together. But tonight was absolutly horrible. He started flipping out before bath when we simply mentioned it. Im totally lost as to what to do. @mylove2

MyLove2

Does he have a doctor? I would see one to make sure nothing is going wrong health wise I don't think that's to normal for a kid to be acting like that and that severely it's like he's actually terrified. Have you tried talking to him about it? @angel26

MyLove2

My nephew has problems simular to these just not involving the bath time he would just scream and beat on his little sister and take things from people. He runs all over the place. He's seeing a speech therapist. I would check to make sure it's not linked to disabilities like Autisim or other developmental problems. Not to accuse or say he's that severe. But it wouldn't hurt to be sure that everything is ok.

Mijita

He's most likely reacting to a trauma or bad experience that he is relating to a bath or bath time. Be it he slipped before or doesn't understand what happens to the water as it goes down the drain. He is still learning and may not understand the concept of a bath in the bathtub. Did he recently slip or fall? Are you sure he doesn't have a cut or rash that would burn in hot water? Is the water too hot or too cold? Test the water on the inside of your wrist. It's also possible that the tub is just too big and he feels disoriented and unbalanced in the tub. Could you possibly try a bath in the kitchen sink and see how he handles it there? It may be a process of elimination, unless he grows out of this phase first.

Good luck, as I can only imagine your frustration. He's not doing it to hurt you, please remember he's just a baby who's inexperienced in our world and is looking for guidance to learn things the right way. He is crying to tell you he doesn't like it, not to be defiant. Listen to his cues and body language. The more you force him, the worse the experience and the more frustration you'll experience. I say try the kitchen sink next time.

MyLove2

@Mijita Oh only if I had your patience and understanding

misskristin

@angel26 Is he napping during the day? I realize this seems unrelated, but even slight exhaustion can cause a meltdown of epic proportions. Or perhaps moving bath time to a different time of the day? Or a rewards system? You are not alone, I am a firm believer in positive reinforcement and discipline. For instance, my son (6) decided to be particularly defiant today...so much to the point that I took away half of his toys. I don't plan to return them anytime soon because he knows better. However, earlier today he held the door for some people and I always make sure to commend him on his politeness. A 3 year old is quite capable of knowing right from wrong and how to behave. You are not failing as a parent, he is a middle child acting out in my opinion. Perhaps some extra one on one time with him and maybe speaking to him as an adult and not a baby? I'm just trying to throw out some other ideas. I hope it gets better soon!!!

Mijita

@MyLove2; I've been fortunate enough to have been blessed with a ton of patience and understanding. I grew up with a very sick sister and I think that is where my compassion comes from. Babies look up to us for guidance and they are learning everyday and I just think it's only fair to them to be as patient and forgiving as possible. I know it's hard, especially with all the stressors in life. Thanks!

angel26

@mijita you are very unferdtanding. I wish i was more like that and more patient. Thank you for your advice. But he is 3 and way to big for the sink. Lol. I have calmed down some. So i will try to think of something better. Im sure last night was not helping any cuz we were both upset. And he hasnt fallen to my knowladge but i usually dont give him baths, my husband does.
@mylove2 i will see if i can get him in to the dr. Maybe he can help. Lol.
You all have been great help. Im sorry i acted that way. I will try talking to him. But it might not help cuz i cant understand most of his words. Thank you @everyone its hard to get everyone tagged.

crystaldawn0830

I would recommend asking the dr as well! They can can give you recommendations or even refer you to a therapist or what not. I'm having a HORRIBLEZ trying to get my son to eat and I mentioned it to the dr and she referred us to an occupational therapist or help. Drs are here to help you and early prevention is key!! Hang in there momma!

Wilsomom

Maybe this would help... I've used her methods on my 6 youngest kids & it has been amazing.

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/

perly

@angel26 my little brother went through the same thing. My dad and step mom used to takes us to the pool when we were smaller, and my little brother was about 2 at the time. My step mom would go into the toddler pool with my little brother so he could play. One day, my little brother was in the pool and he was splashing water and it hit his face. He immediately started yelling and crying like if he was in excruciating pain. We went home, and as usual my step mom took him in the shower. My little brother put up a fight. My dad had to help because they coold not control him. Days, weeks passed by and he put up a fight every time it was bath time.
My step mom was so tired, she had no idea what else to do. So she got a small pool and she went in there with him, and she did it a few times a week. And little by little started bringing my brother in to the bathroom again until he grew out of that fear.
Its ok, it happens but you cannot give up. Try it and be consistent. He will come around.

captivated

Is it possible that he has been molested by anyone? Sorry if that is repeated, but that is how I reacted suddenly to baths when I was younger after my abuse.

[Deleted User]

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