update on my friend - scary update.

natashalynn

For those of you who were following...

So my friend and her daughter were living back home with her parents, had a good paying job, her daughter was loving her day care, then bam. Her ex writes a letter under oath saying that she's an alcoholic, he's been their daughter's main care giver, etc (all lies!) So the court granted him temporary custody of their daughter. He flew out to pick her up today (may I mention, without a car seat, diapers, wipes, change of clothes, toys, ANYTHING) she was absolutely heart broken. And my heart was breaking for her too. Their kid is going to be so scared, missing her momma, living with drug abusers. But my friend is coming back, and going to sign her own letter under oath, which will be in complete conflict with his, so they're hoping that the temporary custody will be immediately over turned.

I'm really proud of my friend, aside from her initial crying to me about having to hand her daughter over, she's been so strong.

Please guys, send prayers, thoughts and good vibes. She needs a place to rent and a job (she can stay with my family or myself rent free, but she needs to look good for the court) and of course, she needs things to go her way in court. She's a great mother, and he's a lying, woman beating rapist, who I truly believe only wants the kid to get back at my friend, not because he wants her.

If no one is reading this, than no worries. If anyone is, and would like updates, I will keep you posted.

Any and all good thoughts and prayers are so so appreciated.

Frantastic

That sucks! How is that even possible? Your poor friend, I really hopes everything works out.

Wilsomom

Oh my goodness, that's horrible! That poor girl is probably so scared. I'll keep them in my prayers.

Maymommy2011

Oh my god... My heart breaks for her

benjaminsmomma

Omg that makes me sick. What a selfish jerk.

MerandaGarcia

She should let the court know that when he came to get her he had none of the necessities. She should if possible bring any wittnesses to verifie that in a letter oath.

perly

Omg that is so unfair! Tell her to stay positive and keep pushing. She'll get her daughter back, she just needs to stay focused.

natashalynn

@frantastic I don't know how its possible! It really is insane. Especially since her exs dad will be the care giver for her (he's unemployed and has been for decades) was charged with robbing a bank. And he's addicted to pot, as is her ex. Its so messed up. Hopefully we can prove that he lied to the court. Then hell be in big trouble.

Thanks @wilsomom I think she is really scared. I know I'd be. If her sworn oath doesnt over turn anything, it'll be 6-12 months before she can see her daughter again. She'll be at least 2 by then. how are you doing? How's your son?

natashalynn

@maymommy2012 @benjaminsmomma ya I felt like I was gonna throw up when she told me..

@merandagarcia she actually has it in writing! She emailed him asking if he had everthing he needed (to seem cooperative) and he said he needed a diaper bag. So she made him write an email list of everything he needed. So that's a huge plus!

natashalynn

@perly thanks, i will keep reminding her. Its hard to say she'll get her daughter back cause I honestly still can't believe that the court granted him temporary custody.

But apparently, by the way her ex and his family were talking when they picked the kid up, they truly think this is done and theyve 'won'

jules

poor baby I hope everything gets figured out soon. Why can't she pay rent to you or your family that would look good.

perly

@natashalynn Im pretty sure she will. If this family is so involved with drugs like you say, they will let their guard down sometime and that'll be the perfect time for her to strike. She just needs to focus and be really careful about what she does and what she accuses them of, because she will need hard evidence for all... but its possible.

natashalynn

That's actually a good idea @jules. Maybe not with me, cause we have a small house. Only two bedrooms, but maybe with my parents. Thanks!!

@perly ya, the evidence is the hard part. I'm sure at some point, shell demand a drug test, but I'm not sure when it'd be or how long of notice they'd get for it. She has a lawyer in town who's supposedly quite good, hopefully anyway.

perly

@natashalynn the annoying saying is true, god doesn't give us more than we can handle. He brought her this challenge, he will help her through it. I'll keep her in my prayers. Tell her to keep positive and always have faith, it will all work out in the end

jules

I hope something can work out. plus they will be good reference just in case she needs one plus she can write that in her letter to the court. so when does she get to see her kids next time. cause a friend of ours is going through this and its taking forever he has no idea where his children are so sad. cause his ex is druggy so his very worried

Roxy

OMG that jerk off I pray to God she gets her lil one back

starrxoxo9

Omg wow how sad!!!!! What an asshole he is. Your poor friend!!! I hope it all works out

captivated

Went through the same thing. She needs to get an attorney. It isn't going to be as simple as overturning it. There will need to be a custody trial in which the judge decides where the best interest of the child lays. Evidence provided from both sides and testimony. It will take a couple of years to go through court and will not be quick. What they had was a pendente lite hearing which is a temporary hearing in which no evidence is presented. this is how he acquired custody. She's going to have to fight...hard.

captivated

It will be unlikely for her to be able to get a drug test for him. We tried this during my custody trial and witvoht documented evidence of a drug history (criminal record) etc, it will only show the judge that she is grasping for straws and attempting to demonize him. Will not look good for her. IF she was successful in getting this done, the costs would be upon her and you're looking at a very high cost for these things in court.

natashalynn

Thanks @perly @starxoxo9 @roxy

@captivated I remember bits of your story, and it still breaks my heart for you. She does have an attorney, luckily her family is quite well off, and his isn't. I'm not sure if he has a criminal record, but I'm pretty sure his father does, and since they live together, and the exs dad will be taking care of the kid most of the time, were hoping that'll come intoplay. Just goes to show you that the system is failing all over the place.

natashalynn

So small update..

My friend finished writing her affidavit in response to his...his was four pages long (that covered their three year relationship) hers is fifteen. And she's included witness statements and other evidence, which he had none. And it includes a statement from her friend from back homes brother, who was with her ex and his dad smoking weed until 3 in the morning when they then picked up the kid at 9!!
I read my friends whole affidavit, and it made me cry. I hadn't realized how much detail she had left out when talking to me, how he had abused her, the details of him raping her. It literally made me sick to my stomach.
But on a positive note, the cops apparently just hadn't gotten around to her report about the rape and physical assault, so they want to talk to her today, so she has an appointment with them at one. Not sure what'll happen, but there is a chance they will pick him up and arrest him. Which would be awesome.

Ill update when I know more.

captivated

I hope her attorney wrote the affidavit, right? We never write or submit anything when you have an attorney. Sounds like she is well on her way!

natashalynn

@captivated her lawyer gave her the format in which to write it, but she's sending it to her lawye. who will read it over fine tune it, add certain things. Etc. And then her lawyer will submit it, and my friend is going into the court tomorrow to swear an oath that its true. Were really excited about the police thing. My friend is visiting her daughter tonight. And she's hoping that if the police are going to take him in, they'll do it when she goes over, so then she could just leave with her daughter.

starrxoxo9

Oh I hope it goes smoothly and she gets her back asap!!! I'd be going crazy if I was her!!!!

captivated

I worry about the police and rape issue. It, and him and his lawyer, will make it seem as if it is an unfounded accusation as it is coming up during a custody fight. The judge on her case is going to very likely not believe any of it. Even if he gets arrested, he will bail out within the day. It is going to be very difficult for them to prosecute him for rape so long after the fact. what evidence is there? She needs to be very careful about attempting to make him look bad unless there is solid evidence of it. She's got to focus solely upon proving to the judge how she is a good mother and what she has going for her that shows the best interest of the child is with her. She has the odds of winning stacked against her right now as he has already won temporary custody. Judge's rarely change the temporary order. I was VERY lucky to have won, butwon because of his self incriminating testimony.

Have her check out the program custody toolbox. This is an awesome and must have program during a custody battle. She needs to also keep a journal of events. It is all about documentation, documentation, documentation. Custody battles now are all about money. Whoever has the most and best attorney wins. She should strategize to run him out of money for his attorney. It is what my ex did to me and almost had to settle many times because he bankrupted me.

natashalynn

Ya me too @starrxoxo9 but she's been doing so freaking well at keeping her head together. She was going a bit insane trying to write everything that has happened in three years, in three days, but she pulled her shit together and finished it all. I know she misses her daughter so much. I can't imagine being away from my kiddo for a weekend, let alone almost a full week now.

natashalynn

@captivated her lawyer has said about the same thing, so she doesnt plan on pressing charges herself, but if the police want to take on the case, where we live, there's not much she can do. She's done a pretty good job of keeping records of stuff, ddefinitely better then him, but she's gotta be solid. I will definitely get her to check that tool box out! Thanks for the tips and experiences. Especially about running him out of money.

jules

I'm glad things are getting in order. I hope she can get her lo back soon. But I don't know if they will just arrest him right there.But if the report was put in long time ago and this isn't the first time hearing about it then there's good chance. But that's something that should be taken care of! I hope the meeting with the police goes well.

ExcitedForOctober

Just because somebody else had a bad experience with this kind of case doesn't mean your friend will too.

natashalynn

@jules thanks hun I'm hoping it goes well too. Ill update after it happens, which will be after one mountain time.

@excitedforoctober oh I know. But I appreciate worst case scenario, and hear the experiences of others. Its good to hear what others went through do we can try to avoid certain things. Expect the worst, hope for the best ya know. But yes, I sincerely hope that my friend (or anyone!) Doesn't have to go through what captivated did.

addrianna

I had a custody battle and I won, if she's a good person and had no record doesn't use drugs or is a whack job she should be fine...I'm glad she has her records, and you also said she had already reported the rape but the police hadn't had time to investigate the report? I won full custody of my kids and he only has visitations every other weekend but I have all legal rights to my kids, good luck to your friend and my prayers are with her... @natashalynn