my heart is so sore.

edited March 2013 in Relationships
I feel like my heart is parting into two. I feel like every moment we fight my heart has another punch. I feel that he no longer loves me. That we are two different ppl. I hurt soo bad that im crying like if I lost a love one... im so hurt. Every sing chance he gets he tells me that I need to leave or I should go. Or im done. I can't take it no more. It hurts me to see our love die. We have been thru a lot to finish. I left my teenage life for him. I becamea mom at 17 I left my mom. My baby sister. I need to hear that im doing the right thing of staying. Idk girls I just need help. Im in so much pain.

Comments

  • Me personally I don't think its healthy to stay because it creates all those insecurities for u. And u have child to raise who looks up to you but at same time I do not know why those things are said or if he says anything else to put u down. And also I think if u love someone and they say they love u back and u guys can come to a common place where u can understand that these are only fights at the end of the day and maybe he doesn't mean it then its good to stay for u and ur daughter if u know things can improve. I'm not sure if u guys are married or what not but unless your married I wouldn't have left my life behind for any guy and wouldn't go through this kind of hurt unless we had a commitment to ourselves, the child, god, ur family. And I truly believe that if a man truly loved me I wouldn't have to leave my family behind and there wouldn't be a problem for him making a commitment for life if thats what we thought was the next step. If however u two don't see that in the future or aren't already married I sure would stick to my family and not put myself through anymore pain when parents are hurting kids hurt too. I'm sorry ur going through this I wish u the best and pray that god can bring healing to you and some answers.
  • If he really means those things, and in his mind it's really over, then staying and forcing the relationship will only make it worse. But none of us can tell you what to do. You gotta dig deep and figure out if it's fixable or not. We all say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment but what you really need to look at is what got you to that moment in the first place.
  • Why would you stay when he clearly doesn't want you around?
  • If he doesn't want you there, I wouldn't want to be there. Maybe leaving will help clear everyone's head a bit. You can both find out if he really means it. Take some time to focus on you and your little one(s). Figure out what YOU want, rather than trying to do what he wants. I've told my friend numerous times, that a good judge of your relationship, is if you'd be okay with your kid having a relationship just as yours is. If you are fine for it, then maybe try to buck down and do some work. If not, then you have to ask yourself, why is this good enough for me, but not my kid. And know, that kids really do use their parents as a guide for their future relationships.
    I think that its natural to grieve, I mean, if your relationship is ending, you're grieving a loss.
    I really wish you the best with all of this.
  • Before i even tell you that you should leave him or whatever, answer this. What are you both fighting about? Nothing justifies the things he is telling you, BUT i've been there and i've said those things before too. I regret it, but it happened so i understand the situation you are in.

    I would tell you to just go and leave everything behind, but if you both haven't tried to figure out what the problem is and worked on it... then i would be telling you to just give up on the possible future you could have as a family.
    Im not saying you should stay and take it, but i am telling you to try to communicate and find a common ground so that you both can start moving forward with a more healthy relationship.

    However, notice that throughout my whole comment i kept saying BOTH. In order for this to work, you and him have to try. If you can give the first step in the right direction, and get him along with you then you can definitely get through this. You should never allow him or any man to mistreat you, but you should always be able to take a step back and analyze what is going on so that you can make the right decision.
  • Good luck! and text me if you need anything!!! i haven't heard from you.
  • It's going to hurt. It's the death of your relationship and it won't be easy. But in time it will get better and easier.
  • If he wants you to leave, you have to give him that time and respect. When my husband wanted our relationship to be over and demanded that I leave, I begged and refused to go. Not allowing him that time on his own caused more harm than good. After I left for a couple of days, he asked me to come back and desired to work on our relationship. We are now married and it honestly saved us. Try to respect his wishes and one of you leave for a bit to clear your heads.
  • It's hard for me to think of our relationship ending. I feel that he has been the only person that says love me truly for myself. It hurts me to think that mean him will no longer be together but to think of the fact that he is no longer happy with something that I'm doing. Will better yet said not doing. He says that I do not wash clothes. He gets mad cause of you not do my work completely. I know you'll know how hard it is to race 2 children next to the are close in age. I wash clothes every single day I dry it in a hang it but if I do forget something that's when the whole argument starts. That's how this morning argument started. He has told me to put to dry some jackets that he have brought in from work. I put them to wash and I put them to dry and from some reason the dryer didn't finish. So that is what started everything thats how it started. And he just said whatever man do whatever you want. And I was what dose that mean? And he was like take how yo u want it im done you are never going to do what you supposed to do. And blah blah n I was like don't you have to go work already and hes like yea ill just go cold n this and that n ugh idk but its like twice in 2 weeks that we fight like this and ugh we
    Were texting and he was like nah that we both have work and this n that. Ill post the text msg later on ok.
  • You're his partner not his servant. :/
  • I highly doubt the real issue is laundry. Trust me. When something bigger is bothering me I usually hold it in but then snap over little stuff. You really gotta get to the root of the problem.
  • I've tried but can it be? @starrxoxo9 I've never cheated. He has been my first-ever! For so many things. I don't have guy friends on fb I only have one n its a guy I played xbox with and he is a nerd. So idk what It could be.
  • I'm not saying it's you per say, it sounds like he's just over the relationship and he's using other things as an excuse to blow up and cause a fight. I think some time apart is the only way to know for sure.
  • I agree he just sounds over it. And I agree as well ur supposed to be his partner not his servant so I would t stand one minute of that. My husband and I have arguments but he has never told me what to or what not to do. That's just rediculous I wouldn't want to stick around after that and in my opinion I think its hard for u because his ur first and u haven't had chance to experience anything else. For example my high school sweet heart just now moved on with life or is trying to and we been broken up for 5 years and he was soo stuck on me that no matter what he just wanted to be back together. I really think u should listen get some space and that will give u time to think which u need and he can think and maybe even change for the better.
  • I agree with @Jules and @starrxoxo9. I understand that you have been together for a long time and have much invested, but he sounds as if he is done with the relationship. Housekeeping is NOT the issue. Just something to use to vent his frustrations. People grow apart. The reality of relationships started that early, or many at any age for that matter, just statistically do not last forever. I know how devastating this is and how much it hurts, but you cannot force someone to stay or desire to continue a relationship that they have checked out of. Is there a chance he could be having an affair? I only ask because he is exhibiting signs of that. It could also totally not be an issue. Maybe try to talk to him about counseling? If he refuses, you've really got to give him his space and hope he comes around :(
  • Well. I don't think he is done with our relationship. Cause he just sat me down to tell me how he loves me and we need to work on this relationship....this is exactly what he said cause we where texting when he was at work.

    Tommy: "Well I do too if we're gonna stay together we have to try together if not its never gonna work out we can't keep on fighting later on the baby's r gonna start to know and I don't want to ruin their childhood with stupid arguments."

    Me:"I know."

    Tommy:"If u want we can set this aside n just try to b happy for them for us for our little family dat we have."

    Me:" ok. You just have to promise me one thing.
    That you are going to be with me cause you want to and not cause of our babies."

    Tommy: "Yes cuz I love u n wat do u want me to promise."

    Me: " That. That you are her cause you want to. And cause you are happy. Not because you have to for our kids."

    Tommy: " I promise i know wAt we have will workout we use to always b happy n play around all the time."

    Me: "I know. And that what hurts more when we fight."

    Tommy: " I love you babe. We will make it through anything mami=]."

    And he came home brought some take out and we have just been talking.
  • I've said this to other women on here and i'll say it to you too, only you know what you have at home and if its even worth fighting for.

    In my opinion, when there's love and kids involved, you don't give up right away. You search deep, and make sure that both are on the same page to find help and move forward.
    Even though its not the right thing, people always say things that are hurtful when they are mad and in a relationship it is important to know when its something that you can let go till the waters are calm or if it requires you to do something more drastic like leaving. Like i said, only you know your relationship and if its worth fighting for. I hope you can both seek help and decide that way if the relationship should continue or not.
  • That is great news :)
  • edited March 2013
    That's great. I would still make you sure you guys work on issues that are bothering you both rather than sweeping it under the rug. That way it doesn't get to this point again. I'm glad he's willing to work on it.
  • I'm going,through the same thing. I'm happy it worked out for you. He didn't tell me to leave i just left before he got home from work last week and left a note on the table.. its been 6 days and we only got a little better.. I'm still mad tho and I'm not going home unless he changes.
  • I'm glad things are little better I hope it all works out :) and hope ur doing well too.
Sign In or Register to comment.