So much going on ugh

MommyLovesSparkle

We need to be out of our apartment by thursday. We have no boxes and nothing is packed yet. We need to sell our couch, bedroom set, and table and chairs because were moving back with our parents. Im so frustrated because im pregnant and have a almost two year old and my bf packed his brothers WHOLE house last week but hasnt done ours. His days off are on the weekend so I doubt he will. Hes only responsible and dependable for his family or his work. Its impossible for me to pack everything im so overwhelmed and PREGNANT why dont he understand that. On top of it my house is a mess. One toilet got clogged for no reason at all and our garbage disposal stopped working and is smelling up the kitchen. My cousin threw up in my daughters bathroom inside her TUB so I have to bathe her at my parents. I dont have the stomach to clean up someone elses throw up or the tub so im not doing it so my bf better do it. But he'll probably leave it for the apt people to clean. Im so frustrated and mad and overwhelmed with everything. He says to leave it all up to him but hes not dependable to me. I know he wont do it until the last hour that we have to be out and then we'll lose all our things. And on top of it we have ghosts in this apt. Ughhh im so done with this I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep until my problems are over

Wilsomom

If he said to leave it all up to him, then I'd do just that. Let him feel the consequences for his actions if he doesn't make it in time. Just get your personal things that are important to you and leave the rest for him. Remind him that he said to leave it up to him then go to your parents and wait.

jules

Well dont think of it all at once go to stores ask thrmr for boxes im sure u get a lot that way then set aside the stuff u will need for few days and start packing the rest one room at a time. I mean packing boxes isn't too bad. I did our entire house when we did our 6 hr move all by myself with my daughter who was 14 months at the time. I got boxes and supplies cleaned everything packed what we needed in suit cases then did one room at time I only had 4 day notice bc we got approved for our house now at the last minute. I did bedrooms while my daughter was awake and playing and worked in living room and kitchen during her nap time. And I had to do evey little object on my own and make sure the moving truck would be ready bc literally when my hubby got home from being away for work for two weeks we had to be on the road so he only had time to get our big fruniture in the truck. It will be ok but u gotta start somewhere right! And ya he might have said leave it up to him but if his working all day all thats gonna do is start big fight to me it wouldn't be worth the fight and possibly not having all my things.

MommyLovesSparkle

@wilsomom im just going to pack my and the babys things and he could do his if he loses stuff its his problem. My family will help me im just frustrated that he can do his brothers whole house while his brothers gf sits at his moms and waits with their baby. Pisses me the f/&# off.

@Jules I dont have a car so it is hard to get boxes. If I had a car it would be so much easier. Like I said above it just really makes me mad how he did his brothers whole house. I just feel like everything I piling up on me.

jules

Well if thats the real problem that u don't like that it seems as though he went out of his way to help his family yet cant seem to get things together in his own home then u should be having that conversation with him. No reason to hold it in and continue feeling overwhelmed when the problem isnt the stuff but how u feel about his actions. I would for sure talk to him. And as far as the boxes maybe ur family and friends can drop some off for ya.

MommyLovesSparkle

@jules ive tried. He dont think realistically. He still thinks he can do it then he starts an argument. I my mom found some boxes and im going over there tonight. Thank you btw

jules

well at least u tried that's what counts. I wouldn't worry about it or talk about it anymore then. U made ur point and he said his side now u just do what u gotta do and hope for the best. Now I would just have good attitude about it. For example just like u sounds happy that there r boxes now and some progress can be made I would be that position with him too and maybe that will encourage him to b proactive as well

starrxoxo9

Be careful with leaving the apt like that. They can take you to small claims court and make you pay for cleaning expenses. Be sure to check your lease because most landlords want the apt left in the condition it was in when you moved in. A tub full of vomit, a clogged toliet, and a garbage disposal of food is going to piss them off. However, if the apt is in your boyfriends name only, then just say f it and get the hell out of there.

MommyLovesSparkle

@starrxoxo9 I keep telling the office about it but they won't fix it. We already paid an upfront "redecoration" fee which takes care of all the cleaning and such. But thank you. Its in both of our names. His is the main name though.

@jules I agree last night he ended up falling asleep so nothing got done but I did manage to get more boxes and im going to pack the house up today. Hopefully I get lots done.

starrxoxo9

Ahh I see, well that's good!

jules

That's sucks he fell asleep but he will catch on once be sees all the best work you got done. Hope today is going well.

perly

You should really just pack your things and your daughter's things and let him deal with rest.
It aggravates me to read that he's being such an asshole especially now that you're pregnant.
Please don't take this the wrong way but i told you this when y'all were having problems and i'll tell you again, it doesn't sound like he cares about you and definitely doesn't sound like he wants or has changed at all. And that's very sad because you and those two little blessings of yours do not deserve that.

MommyLovesSparkle

@perly Everyone was right. And I knew it. I just didnt listen. Love is blind. Hes a immature #&#&@*@&;@^&;@*@&;##&*#*#^&# every swear word I can think of.
He didnt even know how to change a light bulb... reallyy.. hes no help at all. Im so fed up with him. He didnt change. He cant even keep a roof over our heads. He wants us to live with his mom and him "to save money" but he got to pay her anyways!.... hell no. Im moving back in with my parents n forgetting about him. So done with his childish ways.

perly

I hope this time its for good. Like i told you before, it was too much of a coincidence how he "cared" about you when he thought he could lose you. It was bullcrap all along. He knows you so well and i wouldn't be surprised if he were to all of a sudden "care" again just because you're dumping his ass.
You need to be smart and look through that because its all an act. Especially now that you have another baby on the way because now you have 2 to look after and they don't deserve to grow up in a home like that.

I told you this last time and i want to remind you because its important, many kids grow up to live the same life their parents did because that's what they saw their whole life and they don't know any better. So in other words, if you stay with this guy your kids will grow up seeing how he treats you and they can grow up to allow that kind of behavior in their life because they saw you and since you allowed it then they'll automatically assume its ok...and we both now its not. Go back to that thread and read all the advice and experiences that were shared with you so you can feel some strength to make this decision once and for all. You don't deserve this, but your babies definitely don't deserve this.

MommyLovesSparkle

@perly thanks for the advice and support. In going to do that when ny daughter goes to sleep.

starrxoxo9

A quote I saw on pinterest comes to mind...

"Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you'll understand what little chance you have in changing others."

He's only going to change of HE wants to. You're just going to make yourself crazy trying to fix him.

YNVTish

I was with you up until the ghost!

ExcitedForOctober

Yeah what's up with the ghosts??

Wilsomom

You're right, love is blind, but I'm glad you saw the truth before it's too late. It won't always be easy, but you're strong & you can do it! Just keep thinking about your babies.

jules

So change of plans? Ur just packing ur stuff and going to ur moms and u two are done? Did u already break things off or still in the process hope it goes well and u have the strength u need to move forward without him.

perly

You're welcome
So what's up with the ghosts? Its raining here in Houston so my house is all nice and dark lol. I can go for a few ghost stories

MommyLovesSparkle

Sorry guys ive been planning my birthday (im 21 today!) Woo. Lol

Anyways for those who asked lol @perly @excitedforoctober @ynvtish Well.... My daughter wont go in the house and says shes seeing a big monster above her bed (wheb she was in the house.) She slept with me so I didnt ever leave her. Her toys were being played with. And ive seen multiple "people" from the corner if my eye. They look dark and scary and its a very uneasy feeling. My dad also seen them but through the mirrors (we have mirrored closets) My boyfriend is noticing his things and mine are being moved without us touching it. We seen hand prints in impossible places. Its just scary.

MommyLovesSparkle

@starrxoxo9 thats a great one. Your completely right.

@wilsomom exactly. I have to think about them first.

@jules um its not official yet but in the process.

jules

Oh ok so be doesn't know your over it?

perly

Oh crap. I'd be shitting bricks lol

MommyLovesSparkle

@jules well I told him today and its like he broke down. He dont want to split up and he loves me. I want to believe him. I felt so in love with him today and im not sure why because I havent felt that in a while. (Before he even told me that n broke down.) Im tired of taking him back every time he says something nice. I think I want a break. But this whole moving situation is a break basically. Ahh who knows already im just going where God puts me. Hopefully he pushes me hard and makes it clear what im supposed to do.

jules

Well u know it's not the best situation hopefully you being at your mom's him being wherever will help you see what you need. And he probably will try for little then go back to doing nothing just thinking about himself.

perly

I agree with @jules. He's only getting emotional because he doesn't want you to dump him. Its an act. He did it twice already. He promised you the moon and the stars and he didn't give you crap.
That environment is not healthy for you or your kids, and i hope you really do see it because like i've said over and over again, you don't deserve that and neither do your kids.
Please don't let him fool you. He knows you too well, that's why he does this.

ashley_smashley

Ok, I have read your struggles over the months with this "man" and I use that term loosely. And I have kept my mouth shut, silently hoping that you would wake up and see him for how he is. Well it looks like that day wont come. So I want to give you some tough love. This guy is playing you like a fiddle, and you are letting him. I always say a good indicator of future actions is past actions. What in the hell has he ever done to prove to you that he will change? From what I can tell, the answer is NOTHING! You say you are leaving, then he cries and swears that he will change, and he does for a week, maybe 2, and then its right back to how it was. What would make you think this time was any different? Also, I want you to know that a marriage is never about games, and lies. My marriage is far from perfect, but the difference is when we have a problem, we talk it out. We dont lie or play childish games (IE lets separate, and I will tell him that I am seeing someone just to make him jealous). I want you to take a good hard look at this relationship, and ask yourself if it would be the type of relationship you would want for your daughter? It def would not be if it were me. But if you think all of this is ok for her to go thru when she starts dateing, then by all means, stay with this guy and keep repeating the process, bc I can guarantee if this is what you show her is ok, then that is the type of relationship she will seek out. Its time to grow up, put your big girl panties on and move on. You have tried your damnest to fix it, and its not working. There is no shame in that. You tried! Thats all that matters! You dont need a man to complete you, much less one who doesnt see you for the wonderful person you are. If you do decide to have a man in your life, make double sure that he is the type of man you would want your daughter to date. Life is ABSOLUTELY to short (trust me I know!) to spend it with someone who makes you that unhappy!!

We have all offered you wonderful advice, and you have chosen to ignore it. You keep hoping things will change...well its time to wake up hun.

MommyLovesSparkle

@jules @perly @ashley_smashley

I know hes never going to change and history is just going to repeat itself like its been. I see it. Im not blind towords love anymore and it really pisses me off. The way he treats me then he buys me something or acts nice for a week and then goes back to normal...because im an idiot who was in young love. I dont want my kids to have a guy like that. Im not going to stay in the relationship im just trying to get out slowly but surely on good terms. I do appreciate everything everyone said and I know you all are right.

ExcitedForOctober

If you get out "slowly" you will never leave. You just have to do it.