is it wrong?

bradford2

I had my now husbands child in august of 2010 and he left for basic train in b oct. Well when he was gone my neighbor which I consider a good friend came over days before his graduation and informed me that they had sex several time while I was pregnant.(they both claim they were drunk the times it happens) His excuse is I wasn't pleasing him at first, I was told by the doctor we could not have sex. Then he said he also THINKS he did it because we were about to get married and he wanted to sleep with one last person before we married. Now he came home for 2 weeks for christmas and new years and I didn't want to argue I thought I could forgive him because he swears basic changed him and he only wants to focus on his family. Now he is at AIT and is surround by other female. He is now 21 and is able to drink and I worried he will do it again. I want to trust him but I see the neighbor everyday and it makes forgetting and moving on harder and I am also pregnant again and I can't obviously please him if he is 5 hours away from home. I am just curious if I am thinking to much into this?

angie87

No u r not thinking to much in to this. You r a strong women cuz I would of left his ass cuz theirs no excuse for any of that make sure he gets tested to. I wish nothin but the best for u

bradford2

There is no excuse I told him I would leave him if he ever did anything like that but I look at our daughter I want to be able to tell her I tried to work it out. For me because I do care and for her. I am just glad to hear someone say I am not over thinking this, everyone around me keeps telling me I am.

HUPE23_1

I dnt think you are at all. If it were me i would have left him i wouldn't be able to handle the thoughts that would be going threw my head on a daily basis. I think ur strong way stronger then i could ever be

Chels

Thats horrible. But i dont know if i could leave my husband if he pulled that crap with me if we had kids together it would be so hard i wouldnt be able to do it. but i would somehow make him pay for being an ass and cheating on me even if it was only one time. My parents split because of that crap and it made my life HELL, id grin and bare it for my children

bradford2

@chels that's exactly my feelings about it is I not only have one child with him but will soon have a second, also his job being in the army I have heard it changes people and he could honestly be completely faithful now. I wish there was a way to make him pay. It hurt to hear that he did and I had to hear from her not him.

bradford2

AAlso I grew up with my parents separated and was horrible I can't image my child having to deal with that.

Chels

Ugh @bradford2 im still dealing with the divorced parents drama now that im pregnant it sucks wayyy more. They are argueing about holidays and stupid crap like that...my mom agreed to put all feelings aside and plan my baby shower with my stepmom i was so happy because i dont want 2 different baby showers but of course my stepmom has to say no and she is acting really imature it makes me so mad because its not about them or me its ALL about the baby now but she cant seem to get that through her head it makes me really sad ;( sorry i went off topic a little oh and im 20 years old btw

bradford2

@chels your fine my parents divorce drama ended when my dad moved to Texas but it sucks he missed all my pregnancy and I haven't talked to him since the day my daughter was born. But the babyshower thing, my husbands family is way different than mine and I ended up having 2 because my mom has to have it her way. I just recently turned 20.

bradford2

@chels if my father knew that my husband cheated he would just be mean and say I told young marriages don't work and I shouldn't have my children I should of gave them up or something crazy like that. I feel like I have no support thru this. My mother is crazy to put it nicely I think, she could care less because it doesn't effect her in any way and I don't want to tell someone in his family" hey my husband cheated what do you think" you know. Its such a hard thing.

coolbabybeans

It's understandable not to trust him while he's away, its not like he was up front with you in the first place, you had to find out from the other woman. You didn't have any time to rebuild trust after the initial "how dare you" argument. It's not ur fault. It's great u wanna work things out for your daughter and I hope things work for u all. You can't be miserable for the next 18 years living a lie though. I think your daughter would be more upset to find out that the two of you stayed together unhappy than for you to find a loving husband to show her how a woman is supposed to be treated. I honestly don't understand men sometimes. I think they are way more complicated than we are. I wish u the best hun. I really hope you two can patch things up and fall in love again :X

EmmaRylynn19

U should try especially if that is what u want to do.. But after awile u shouldnt stay with him if its something u cant eventually forget or atleast look past and not bring. But u have every right to not trust him right now. Tell him how u feel and that u wanna make it work but dont hold it in or make yourself unhappy. Goodluck to u!

TechGirlPa

@bradford2. I'm so sorry as I read your post. In my opinion there is never an excuse, not alcohol and not anything else. Saying that you weren't pleasing him - he might as well say he's the only person that matters on the planet. I guess I have to be blunt here because your ability to forgive and forget is likely never going to include the forget part. My partner was cheated on even during the pregnancy of his second son And he tried to stick it out for his kids. All he could think about though when she was not with him was wondering who she was with. I personally dont think that having to live that way is living. You deserve better and shouldn't have to wonder or be in a situation where you could be exposed to stds. I'm not trying to badmouth him or influence your decision but in my experience the worries that go with it can make you miss out on a lot of happiness and kids can pick up on it. I wish you the best of everything.

JenniFurrFurr

Just make sure if you do stay with him uts not just because the children. My parents split when i was 5 and I think it was the best thing they could do for me now that I'm older. However my cousins parents have always since I was little appeared to not be in love with each other and just this year after my youngest cousin turned 18 and moved out they got divorced, said they only stayed together this long cause the kids and the kids are crushed, just cause they are older didn't make it easier, think it makes it harder.

bradford2

I have done really good at trusting him, starting to think he is cheating? I went to stay the weekend with my husband and he barley wanted to touch me in anyway. We haven't been with each other in any sexual way in 2 in a half months. Wth? I think being pregnant has me overthinking again. When I was there he went out and bought me a new wedding ring and finally got his wedding ring. Just doesn't seem like something a guy would do if they are cheating. He still has two month left of schooling and now has the freedom to be out all weekend. So I was planning on visiting one more time before his graduation and he said no don't worry about it. Blah I guess this more of a venting post then anything but how would you feel if this was happening to you?