Has anyone ever had an ex family member obsessed with their child?

TechGirlPa

I'm leaving this in pregnancy simply cause I don't know where to put it.

My ex and I were together for nine years. He's not my daughters dad but took over That role for years when her real dad dropped off the planet. Anyway we were never legally married but wore rings. In 06 we bought a house but everything was in his name except our third car which I sold to put the money on the down payment.

His mother who I believe suffers with ocd did everything in her power to drive my daughter and I apart. She had been pregnant herself around 10 times I believe And miscarried them all. My ex was adopted by her and her husband. Anyway all through our relationship she would tell my daughter that she didn't need to listen to me and tried to come between us every chance she had. I couldn't even buy my daughter a jacket without her buying her another one and convincing her to wear it instead. I suffered with extremely low self esteem back then and didn't stand up for myself until after my ex had an affair and left us in 09. At That time my daughter was so stressed out over my ex trying to kick us out of our house That I had to place her into therapy. I recieved hate mail and email from his mother continuing the abusive names I dealt with from her all of those years. After we moved she found out where we lived and would drive past our house several times a day. After a harrassing letter came in the mail my lawyer sent her a letter letting her know that if she ever contacted us again he would press harrassment charges.

A few days ago I discovered that my Daughter has been secretly talking to her via facebook and reading the messages there were things encouraging my daughter to lie to me (no different than before).

What would you do in this situation? Would you press harrassment charges? Or would you turn the other cheek and chop it up to her obsessions and just keep her from being able to contact her again? I don't have to put up with this womens abuse but I'm not sure the best course of action from here.

Kriss82001

I would def at least get a restraining order, because its not right for her to be interfering like that. Especially since you have proof. Go down & talk to the police and see what they have to say.

TechGirlPa

@Kriss82001. Thank You for responding to my post. I dont know if its enough to get a restraining order? Doesn't a restraining order require physical violence? That's a topic I know nothing about. I did call the police last year after receiving the letter and they said there was nothing they could do about her driving past our house unless I lived on my own private lane. They did however tell me to contact my lawyer. I think they just didn't want to deal with it.

Kriss82001

I restraining order can also be for stalking depending on the state you are in. I know here in VA, they take stalking incredibly seriously, especially when it comes to minors. If you skip the cops and go to the magistrates office, they can inact an emergency restraining order, and you'll at least get a court date with a judge. Take in everything that you can get on paper.

TechGirlPa

That's a very good idea, thank you Kriss. In the long run my years of dealing with her has made a stronger person. I just wish I would have stood up for myself a long time ago instead of letting her and my ex control how I felt about myself. Through all those years I couldn't stand up for anything anymore.. I felt beat down all the time and like nothing I ever did was good enough. I kept my opinions to myself because I no longer believed I was worth anything. Its amazing how we can allow other people to affect our own sense of self so dramatically. Having an affair was the best thing he ever did because I was able to pick myself up and start rebuilding me.

Kriss82001

I know how you feel. My ex-husband beat me down a lot emotionally, and everyone said I was the strongest person they knew. I just didn't realize it as it was happening. Finally when I realized what was going on, I left, but I was with him for 7 years. My divorce was literally just finalized last month. I let him keep the house and everything because I just wanted him gone and out of my life. You never believe it can happen to you. And it's np, let me know how it goes, my best friend is a cop, and he was the one that told me what to say to you. We just happen to be having our annual Sat coffee meeting.

TechGirlPa

Did you have any kids with him? And please tell your friend thanks for me. : )

Kriss82001

Nah, he came around when my boys were a year old, and they became attached to him so I didn't want to leave, because their real Dad is a complete jerk. But one day one of my boys came up to me, and said he wanted me happy because it hurt him to see me so upset. That's when I knew it was time to leave.

He says it's nothing, it's what he does.

TechGirlPa

Well that's good because then you really never have to deal with him again. It sounds like you're in the same boat as me with your boys though. My daughters real dad will go for over a month without contacting us then when he does finally want to see her he expects me to provide her transportation and always changes the plans. Really he just doesn't want to be bothered I think. He has even asked her to go to his house long enough to babysit his newborn which makes me angry because he should be spending time with my daughter not using her for babysitter.

How have your boys adjusted after the divorce? Do they seem ok with it?

bex

Yes, definitely go for a restraining order.

Kriss82001

Their real Dad has never really cared about the boys until he got married. His wife wants me kids though, so they've thrown neglect charges at me, and parental interference charges, and a bunch of other BS. Now that the boys are almost 10, they are old enough to say they don't want to go to their house because the adults have serious temper issues and the boys are tired of it. So they've refused to go to the house for the past month, so they are going to file something on me again, I just know it. He wants me to provide transportation too, and be at his beck and call, but I refuse. Luckily his Mom adores me and she steps in a lot and tells him to leave me alone.

They have adjusted all right I think. My boys are twins, and one is my Mama's boy and all he needs is me or my Mom and he's quite happy. My other one is the one I have problems with because he really wants that male influence. His Dad doesn't give it, and my ex did when he was home (he was in the military), so he had a harder time. Luckily my bf is amazing and has really stepped up. He absolutely loves kids and can't get enough of my boys now that I have allowed him in the boys lives. (I really think I don't mean anything to any of them when the three of them are together. LOL) We were together for about 8 months before he really spent anytime around the boys, just to make sure.

Mommie_McAtee

Yea, restraining order and press charges. But let me tell you once I got through beating the old hags ass she wouldn't be able to drive by my house or even type. Man, I would catch her alone and really do some damage.

Newmommy17

Make sure you call the police and get a police report for her driving by your house and sending those emails. Poice reports will help you get the restraining order, the more the better

first_time_mom

@TechGirlPa I would get a restraining order just keep all emails. The emails alone is enough to get a restraining order. Try to get a protection order so she can't have nothing to do with you daughter if she is obsessed that will get her there. But you will have to show where you asked her to stop all communication with her.

TechGirlPa

Thank you everyone. Sorry I didn't reply yesterday.. have had a busy weekend.

My lawyer sent her the letter a year ago and I thought that's why she finally left us alone. Then to find out she's been encouraging my daughter to lie to me like she used to is really disturbing. My daughter and I had a wonderful relationship when she was little but that wacko did everything in her power to come between us. The problem is I don't think she realizes how screwed up she really is... she acts like her crazy behavior is normal.

TechGirlPa

@Kriss82001. That's so great Hon. I have the same with my partners boys. I will never understand why a guy (women do it too) makes children to not be involved in their lives. It doesn't make sense to me. Or why he would suddenly want them around... to make himself look better I guess. That stuff is just ridiculous... they're kids with feelings. If he has them more then he and new woman split he will probably go back to ignoring them.

fingerscrossed

As @ammies_baby said, keep all records where you have requested her to stop communicating with you and your daughter. You might have to have your lawyer send another letter regarding contact with your daughter over all electronic means - specifically including social networking sites, e-mail, and cell phone. You should have enough grounds to request a restraining order, particularly given your past and the previous letter.

Kriss82001

@techgirlpa I never understood it either. & it drives me crazy! He might be getting moved to the west coast, & I pray every day that it happens so he will leave us alone.