@Natashalynn Just because I'm not like you, doesn't mean I'm the total extreme opposite. I won't even buy an iPhone for myself, let alone a kid. But thanks for that assumption..
Well thanks for assuming because I get my kid to do chores that it will 'inevitably end in disaster' if you're going to assume I'm at the extreme end, why wouldn't I assume you're at the extreme end.
How fucking rude. I cannot believe this. @natashalynn I have NEVER seen you be so downright disrespectful. Your responses were petty and smartass comments. The three of you arguing DIDN'T EVEN OFFER AN IDEA TO HELP ME. You just came here to argue!!!! I wouldn't take advice from parents who act like this in a public place. Omfg.
@ashley_smashley Thank you for the link, I will read it later when I'm not so disgusted.
I'm sorry for all the arguing Vinessa. I was just frustrated. I really wasn't intending to insult anyone, just offer another side to life that not many people get. But apparently I'm an asshole for doing so..
@starrxoxo9 You aren't an asshole. I know people can be very passionate about parenting styles, and sometimes it gets the best of us. Just like the topic of spankings, people can get very defensive on that subject. No matter what, we are all trying to best for our kids.
^^ I agree @fate, we're all trying to do the best for our kids. No one is on purpose trying to turn their kids out bad. It really hurt my feelings that someone would think my teens are giving me problems because I was a bad parent. I did the best I could at the time, & I've grown & matured & do things different now. (consequently my oldest teen turned out great lol, & my boys are highly improving!) I was just giving you ideas on your request & sharing what I do with my younger kids now. I raised my older teens WAY different lol. And I can respectfully agree that what I suggested wouldn't work for you...and that's fine! I don't think your parenting style is wrong or that you're a bad parent. Like you said, we're all trying to do our best! Believe me, I would love to say a million things to defend myself right now, (not from you personally) but I don't think it's the right thing to do.
No one has ANY right to tell someone their way of teaching/parenting/training is wrong....who are we to judge? Every child needs to learn responsibility as for what age to start....that is up to the parent. Mommy is not always going to be there to do it...why not give them the tools to succeed in life? Last I checked our children were happy and healthy whether we are teaching them to be self sufficient or doing it for them until we see fit. I dont agree with one side more than the other but I think it is disqusting to see all the judgement on others parenting styles....thay will be all for now
Im sorry for the,arguing on your thread. Just when someone tells me I'm putting a burden on my child by teaching him to clean up after himself, yes I will be offended
Both sides of that unneccesary debate were being offended obviously. It wasn't just one or the other. The sooner everyone realizes that, the better. I understand defending yourself, but attacking back isn't a defense. It's a counterproductive assault and in no way justified at all.
Anyways, I was suggested a way that would fit my family, and so far it's working. I thank those who offered help, whether the suggestion itself helped or not.
Wow i didnt finish everything but after reading maybe half the comments i have come to realize i am super laid back when it comes to my parenting!!!!
@Fate i am a SAHM of 3 children ages 6, 4, and 1 yr old (today)... A typical day for me is waking up at 6: 45 and if hubby is home he gets the task of getting my oldest dressed and ready for school why my 2 youngest decide to use me as a bed, if he isn't then I have to get up and get myself and 3 kids dressed just to drop off my son then i come home and prepare my kids breakfast. They both feed themselves. I then check in with 2 of my local playdate groups off fb to see the events going on that day and decide what we will end up doing. If we stay home i am usually always watching yo gabba gabba or my little pony. During my youngest nap time i will pick up a bit wash dishes etc. But my 2 oldest kids are in charge of cleaning after themselves that includes clearing the table after they eat. I do not do chore charts or allowances and my kids clean their playroom every night right before bath time/ bed time. They do however go to time outs in their "sleep room" (no toys allowed outside playroom) or they get privileges taken away like tv, tablets, Netflix.... believe me they hate that and beg for second chances which they get as long as they promise to behave which to me is playing at a controlled volume (no screaming), no jumping off furniture (which they love to do...boys i swear!), being nice to each other and sharing. They also have to respond with yes mam's and yes sir's. We have weekly family movie nights and i host monthly playdate movie nights. But i am constantly on fb finding out all the deals in my area for example this sunday is dollar day at our aquarium so even if u arent a member admission is $1 for everyone (2 & under free) with a $5 parking fee. So i take my kids to events like that. Because we are a single income family and my hubby has to support 5 of us but we can't be stuck at home all day everyday!
I also do park playdates and pack our lunches often. I'm all about saving money girl but being out and about! I've been to 3 FREE breakfast playdates at chick fil a!
As long as u dont use ur kids as ur own personal slave and teach/train (bc really its the same thing) to take care of themselves who really cares. They do however need to understand that they aren't going to get money tossed their way everytime they have to do something they don't want to do. Thats just not how life works and they should b prepared for that as well.
Kids need structure and we, as their parents, need to teach them how to be independent and responsible. Even from an early age they should know to pick up after themselves, heck, they make them do it in school. It would be a disservice to your children if they went into the world helpless and dependent on mommy to do everything for them. There are age appropriate chores and after having 5 children and a stepson, I have learned they succeed when they accomplish things. You cannot be serious if you think kids shouldn't have any responsibilities. Are you going to always do their stuff for them? I understand they are children, but c'mon...they need to contribute to age appropriate tasks. Not saying sitting there eating Bon Bons while making them your housemaid but work together. Don't be so idealistic.
@2boys1girl2love I have 4 children 7, 5, 17 months and 4 months. We do the same things. Picnics at the beach, zoo, aquarium. They aren't typically bad enough for any punishments at all. They don't scream or throw tantrums and our house is pretty well calm except for the occasional baby cries. And they all call me mommy. Lol. They are doing the chores I asked of them perfectly and I didn't even have to remind them tonight! I had tears in my eyes when they told me they were all done. It has been like a weight has been lifted. I couldn't control myself from snatching them up and hugging them. Lol.
@luvmy5 I believe that argument is gone and all involved apologized. Please don't start it up again. We all have our own parenting styles that work for our families.
@char My thinking about having an allowance, is it prepares them for the far future working world. My kids will even get money for getting good grades on their report cards. They like rewards and they do better when they are rewarded for achievements. Just like a job, the paycheck is motivation to go back to work everyday.
My kids don't really have "set" chores like a chore chart type thing but they know there are rules in my house which include cleaning off the table after they eat, no food or drinks anywhere in the house other than the kitchen table (which helps me not have to clean up food and drinks everywhere), no toys outside the play room (only my 1 yr old is allowed to break this rule because she only takes out like 1-2 toys at a time and usually carries it back to the playroom... this prevents my whole house from being overrun by toys) I'm not saying they never break that rule cuz there will be a few toys in the hallway outside the room but that's the furthest it goes. But they know that every night that playroom needs to be clean and yes they do it... is it perfect? NO but they are kids. They offer to help me clean all the time but i always say no (mostly cuz i don't trust them to do it right) but 1 time i tried to punish them by telling them to clean the walls (with magic eraser which btw is amazing!) And they had so much fun they started fighting over spots to clean! Lol but no i don't reward them with money for my rules because to me living in my house its just a given knowledge that is ur responsibility to follow my rules. But i do try to i guess u can call it reward them in other ways like activities or words. But everyone is different and no one is going to parent the same way but i trust we are all doing what we feel is best for our family. I feel like my rules for my house help me not have to work so hard on housecleaning while still letting my kids enjoy being kids. There are some days where they help with laundry or drying dishes but those days are rare and not expected of them. I remember being forced to do dishes at age 4 while standing on a step stool and doing laundry and cooking for myself by second grade and i don't want that for my kids. I don't have a memory of a childhood only raising myself i want my kids to remember playdates and movies and places... my mom never ever watched 1 movie with me growing up. Infact her first children's movie was after my oldest was born. That is NOT the life i want for my kids. I want my kids to look back on their childhood and have plenty of good memories of a the fun stuff we did as a family.
@2boys1girl2love Oh my goodness, I couldn't imagine my kids doing what you did at a young age. I, too, want them to have the best memories! We watch movies a ton. We have a massive (like 10k) movie collection. We don't really have set rules, I mean, they go to bed early and brush their teeth every night, but I never said they had to. I just told them it makes them healthy and happy.
@fate makes sense I was payed for grades as well, not chores tho they were excepted as being part of a household. I did not do much besides help clean after dinner, my room, take the dogs food outside.
Comments
@ashley_smashley Thank you for the link, I will read it later when I'm not so disgusted.
Every child needs to learn responsibility as for what age to start....that is up to the parent. Mommy is not always going to be there to do it...why not give them the tools to succeed in life? Last I checked our children were happy and healthy whether we are teaching them to be self sufficient or doing it for them until we see fit.
I dont agree with one side more than the other but I think it is disqusting to see all the judgement on others parenting styles....thay will be all for now
Anyways, I was suggested a way that would fit my family, and so far it's working. I thank those who offered help, whether the suggestion itself helped or not.
@Fate i am a SAHM of 3 children ages 6, 4, and 1 yr old (today)... A typical day for me is waking up at 6: 45 and if hubby is home he gets the task of getting my oldest dressed and ready for school why my 2 youngest decide to use me as a bed, if he isn't then I have to get up and get myself and 3 kids dressed just to drop off my son then i come home and prepare my kids breakfast. They both feed themselves. I then check in with 2 of my local playdate groups off fb to see the events going on that day and decide what we will end up doing. If we stay home i am usually always watching yo gabba gabba or my little pony. During my youngest nap time i will pick up a bit wash dishes etc. But my 2 oldest kids are in charge of cleaning after themselves that includes clearing the table after they eat. I do not do chore charts or allowances and my kids clean their playroom every night right before bath time/ bed time. They do however go to time outs in their "sleep room" (no toys allowed outside playroom) or they get privileges taken away like tv, tablets, Netflix.... believe me they hate that and beg for second chances which they get as long as they promise to behave which to me is playing at a controlled volume (no screaming), no jumping off furniture (which they love to do...boys i swear!), being nice to each other and sharing. They also have to respond with yes mam's and yes sir's. We have weekly family movie nights and i host monthly playdate movie nights. But i am constantly on fb finding out all the deals in my area for example this sunday is dollar day at our aquarium so even if u arent a member admission is $1 for everyone (2 & under free) with a $5 parking fee. So i take my kids to events like that. Because we are a single income family and my hubby has to support 5 of us but we can't be stuck at home all day everyday!
@luvmy5 I believe that argument is gone and all involved apologized. Please don't start it up again.
@char My thinking about having an allowance, is it prepares them for the far future working world. My kids will even get money for getting good grades on their report cards. They like rewards and they do better when they are rewarded for achievements. Just like a job, the paycheck is motivation to go back to work everyday.