Do you speak up or not?

MikeandRonAdoptMikeandRonAdopt
edited May 2011 in Pregnant
So our friend Gina loves to throw dinner parties and get togethers, etc. Everyone comes and brings their kids and all the kids play while the adults chat and whatnot...

This one friend of Gina's "Jan", her kids and hubby always come to these parties as do we. Jan's husband sits there dead silent the whole night, not interacting with anyone including his own family.

Jan's oldest child is 11. The little boy is blind and has asbergers syndrome . While Jan doesn't seem to be a very motherly person as a whole, she is particularly cold to her oldest son. She will mock him and just be mean to him. For instance, towards the end of the night once he wanted to go outside and play to which she replied "Why would we do that? It's dark outside dummy" ... This is just one example. (remember, he is BLIND)

I would love to say something to her but I know it wont change the kindof mother that she is. We just try to be extra nice to the son.. Always making sure to give him attention and telling him positive things. It's so sad the way he is treated. not sure what to do if anything...
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Comments

  • natashalynnnatashalynn
    If it was me, I'd say something, but do it in a half joking half serious way. I know I wouldn't be able to sit there and just listen, but being confrontational probably won't do much good.
    Either way its a crummy position for you guys (and that kid) to be in. :(
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  • Chuieycuzca22Chuieycuzca22
    My goodness that's terrible! I'm a mouth when it comes to poor treatment of kids so I would probably say something.
  • mummytuubemummytuube
    Maybe u could try tell her when she is being mean that it aint nice and how would she like it if u mocked her and stuff and tell that man of hers too man up and not let her speak too tje boy like that its uncalled for and therr is absolutely nothing the poor boy can do about his disability and she should of thought about that when he was a baby !
  • mummytuubemummytuube
    See about takin him on urself if u could threw social services or summut
  • jellybelly1015jellybelly1015
    I was a special ed teacher and have a down syndrome brother, so no matter how severe or mild the disability of the child is, their attitude disgusts me. I would speak up and probably end my relationship with them, have separate plans w mutual friends. if anything maybe they would treat him better in the company of others, but it scares.me how they might treat him at home if they think that behavior is ok outside the home. Depending.g on how bad it was around people, I would call COS for investigation. Mental abuse is just as bad as physical. I did that before and was glad I did, the child was placed on a loving home and started coming out of his shell. Might not be case with this family, only you can judge. Good luck!!!
  • wishing4agirlwishing4agirl
    The next time he ask to do something like play outside, you step up and ask him if you can take him. that will brighten his day and make her look like an ass and a bad mother. Yes the whole point of the party is to mingle with your friend and the kids get a play date but maybe the kids have a hard time playing with him bc of his issues. might get her to see the wrongs she is doing or maybe cause a fight but at the end of the day that kid will remember the nice lady that took him outside to swing or whatever.
  • hubz1stbaybayhubz1stbaybay
    Im sorry but what a piece of crap!!!!! I know many people who would love to have that child reguardless of his disability. Ohhhh this angers me.
    Im sorry but I can't give u advice....bc you already know im pregerz n id go off
  • MikeandRonAdoptMikeandRonAdopt
    I will make little comments here and there like when she made the dummy comment I approached him and said come on, lets go play Jimmy, we're too cool for all these meanies.
  • pinkbaby0930pinkbaby0930
    Wow that's sad. I would say something too. But in the nicest way possible. That poor boy doesn't deserve to go through that. And keep doing what u r by treating him well and saying positive things that could possibly be keeping him from going off the deep end.
  • lae3lae3
    if i said something it would be indirect.. because when it comes to parenting people get crazy.. lol.. but i would just say something to the boy.. like aww your not a dumby and give him an idea of something else to do... poor guy.. he has a form of autism and shes talking to him like that.. she should be ashamed.. but i know that if you said somethin like that she would take affence.. probably but wouldnt be able to argue it.. lol.. and she would probably feel humiliated.. i know i would .. if someone called me out like that.. even if it were indirect.. thats just me.. i would hate a full out blow out in front of the kiddies.
  • hubz1stbaybayhubz1stbaybay
    I would def. Contact OFS and just tell them bc if it is nothing they can do then atleast u tried. That kid maybe needs to have a voice and maybe its intuition that u be that for him!!! Maybe its not a coincidence that u have met this family! Maybe u can become a big part of his happiness!
  • MikeandRonAdoptMikeandRonAdopt
    It's tough because everyone has their own idea of what is acceptable parenting... What one person thinks is harmless teasing, another views as abuse. And as far as calling social services, say he did get taken away... I can't imagine being 11, blind, disabled and taken away from your family.
  • one5oneone5one
    Maybe if he is taken away you can get him for a bit. I don't know how that works. But its truely abuse & quite sad.
  • Mama2JadieAndNickMama2JadieAndNick
    I have no advice for you, just wanted to say I have Asperger's syndrome, and your this lady "Jan" sounds like a dick. Her poor son. :(
  • Beautiful_AltarBeautiful_Altar
    Wow that's really a shame. Making comments to boost his self asteem is a good idea. I would prob not say anything cuz im pretty quiet. My husband on the other hand would have no problem telling her to chill.
  • podgemarinepodgemarine
    If it were me I would be having the discussion of what the father is not doing into it. Why does he get no responsibility in this child? I don't think she is correct in how she treats him but that's a tough situation to be in. I would have to do something bout it tho cause the kid may be handicap but he has feelings too . Possibly call an abuse hotline and tell them the scenario and see what they suggest? The kid can't call for himself and they will have a more accurate response of what to do
  • EiralynnesMommyEiralynnesMommy
    I'm very outspoken, so I would definitely say something... my sister has cerebral palsay and I've always had to stick up for her, an I don't put up with BS, no matter who it is. People with disabilities are beautiful souls, and all children deserve the same treatment. I would spent as much time with him as possible while you are there. And always incorporate him into activities. Good luck. I hope you get your miracle child soon. You seem Like great people with gentle souls and will be amazing parents!
  • MikeandRonAdoptMikeandRonAdopt
    @EiralynnesMommy .. thanks hun!!
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  • stellastella
    I'm loud and opinionated so I would call her out it's great that you give positive reinforcement. It has to be super hard to be trying to adopt and watching a child being treated like that!
  • MikeandRonAdoptMikeandRonAdopt
    @stella ... trust me it it hard. Neither Jan or her husband seems like they get very much joy from their kids. And in our position, I would love to grab them both and shake them silly and ask... Do you have any idea how lucky you are ?
  • stellastella
    It is amazing to me that you have to have a license. To get married or drive a car but any moron can have a kid. I'm 32 and this is my first it use to break my heart to see how some people treated their children I probably. Would grab them and shake them lol. Hope your blessed very soon I read and follow your posts and wish u the best of luck.
  • mrsrocketfield1221mrsrocketfield1221
    This hurts my heart... thank goodness you Are stand up people who truly care about this child when his own parents really don't. How sad. I think what you did was great and I agree, maybe u could ask to take him next time something Like that happened if you were OK with it? Maybe a comment like u did or a "that's a bit harsh, don't u think?" Wouldn't be so bad? Have u asked your other friends about how they feel about it? Maybe a couple of u could sit them down and ask why the harshness? Im sure it can be difficult but it is not this beautiful child's fault... Maybe they need to remember That. He needs nurturing Like every other child in order to grow. Don't let them give up on him! Ugh what I wouldn't give to steal him from them... children with special needs surely have a place in my heart and I am very thankful to hear about how you tried to be a friend to him...

    Ur gonna be amazing parents! ;;)
  • HavingNumber4HavingNumber4
    Listen that bitch has no right I don't care if she is stressed out by the situation she should have thought about that before she decided to keep him that its not a mother that's a mammy if she does it in front of people she does it worse behind close doors my baby cousin was killed by his father and abused by his mother I didn't know it was that bad I caught her being nasty one time I straight cursed her out after trying to talk calmly she got out of hand so I did to. it took us over a yr to find his body and its sad because he was in the ditch right beside the house in a swamp hooked on a tree branch I'm sorry but he was severely autistic his name was gabriel britt if you google it it still shows. Its because if him that states are becoming more involved with treatment as far as kids cuz they have no voice to speak out and they tend to hold their emotions in
  • magcawmagcaw
    That's absolutely horrible-those parents should be ashamed of themselves. I don't know if I would say something or not, but I know that I would feel as though I SHOULD say something. I don't think calling CPS is a bad idea; i think if you explain the situation they may be able to reach out and offer this family counseling services that maybe they're not aware that they need. I think it's easy to make the child the scapegoat and ignore the consequences of your own behavior--I've seen it in my own family with my nephew who has been diagnosed with a variety of mood disorders.
  • mrsrocketfield1221mrsrocketfield1221
    Sad That they're even parents... there's nothing I hate more than patents who don't seem To want to be. X(
  • mommys1stbundlemommys1stbundle
    I don't think calling CPS is the right thing to do. Granted, mental abuse is wrong but you have no idea what may or may not be happening in the privacy of their home. Ripping someones child away based on some snide comments and non-violent actions that were observed within a short period of time is execive(sp). Some people just like to show off. Maybe she thinks her behavior is cute or funny and chooses to act that way around others. Have your other friends noticed or commented? If so, I think you guys should collectively address her. Not at the party. Maybe have a small adult get together after. That way you'll have recent occurences to back up your concerns. Also makes sure its something causal so she doesn't feel attacked. Unfortunately, approaching her in some way seems to be the only way to get through to her but I wouldn't do it in front of the kids or ruin the party.
  • mrs_shumrs_shu
    I agree with @praying4our3rd. Saying anything to her face may result in a low blow to you which will hurt. Plus since everyone is "friends" it could cause friction
  • MikeandRonAdoptMikeandRonAdopt
    @mommys1stbundle ... i agree with you. When i've said something to our mutual friend Gina... Gina always does a "Oh, well thats just how Jan is.. she's rough"...

    (which on a sidenote.. I hate when people get to act horrible, or rude, or crazy, or any way that is negative and people ignore it just because "that's just how _____ is")
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