Asking for advice / input re: our Adoption journey

MikeandRonAdopt

Hopefully by now, we've gotten a chance to chat with most of the regulars on pregly, and even if not, most have likely seen us on here chatting away. We are trying to build our family through adoption. We've been waiting for close to 20 months now to be selected by a mom-to-be. We've had a couple close calls that in all instances we were 2nd choice. We are so frustrated and sad at this point. We feel like we'll be waiting forever. There is no getting away from our Agency because we'd be walking away from a lot of money.

So my question to you is this... If you were to place a baby for adoption, what would be the #1 thing you'd be looking for in an adoptive family?

Maybe this can give us some insight as to why we keep coming in 2nd....

Thanks ladies. Hope you all are havign a great weekend.

jbandno3

I would want a family that shared the same core values as I did.

Jess510

I agree valuea, but also a couple who I felt might stay together forever. I know this is impossible to know, but I'm from a divorced family and never want that for my child.

sdubois

It would be so hard to say one thing, I'd say maybe hoe the couple treat eachother and how long they've been together...because I think its important to have a strong mature relationship before bringing kids into it. Of course I would want to know that the baby would never go with out any needs. And of course no history of drugs abuse or other things of that nature. But sexuality or religion would be the least concern because I don't feel like either one of those will effect the way someone can love a child. I wish you both the best and I wish I knew someone for you.

ghettobetty

I almost gave my son up when I was 15 and I looked for a mother and father the resembled the likes of me and my babies father so not to stand out. I also looked at religion only because there were Amish families wanting to adopt and I did not want my son growing up Amish. Definitely lifestyles similar to the life I GREw up in. Middle class hard working parents . I looked at a ton of scrapbooks and picked the one family I felt would raise my son how I would hope he would b raised.

OctMommy

I would first see how the couple interacted with each other..how strong their relationship is. 2nd would be stability. Overall it comes down to gut feeling I believe.

huneybee

I would want to pick a stable couple that seem to get along well.. not broke but not rich because I wouldn't want my child to go without or get things without earning them..

LilOneOnTheWay

I'm adopted and so your story touches because we need parents for kids who need a lovibg family. I got adopted at age 6 after being passed around from foster home to foster home. Truthfully, I don't know where to start for a list of criteria. I think I would look for parents that are responsible, financially secure, and most importantly - loving to each other and others. I'd also go with what felt right intuitively. I really hope you get to add to your family soon.

texasmomma

I would look for a couple who loved and seeked the Lord. Someone who had God as the center of their household. As I would want my child to grow up loving God as much as I do. I would want my child to grow up to be a servant of christ and a christian family is the # 1 thing.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Carley

Values, length of relationship, financial security, and I personally would like to know what they did for a living. Careers say a lot about a person.

[Deleted User]

I would just want the family to be open and loving in every way possible. Financial stability would be important, but not necessarily "rich". I grew up in a working class family and it taught me so many important lessons. I think that the relationship between the parents needs to be strong. You do not know what obstacles you will encounter with raising the child, but you need to face it as a team. I am not a religious person, so that would be at the bottom of my list. I would be more focused on the type of love, support, and care the child would receive while in the care of the adoptive family as a whole - what are your plans for the future of expanding your family? Etc.

Think about the important things that helped shape your lives and what really impacted your decisions. Can you provide that same type of support for this child? That sorta thing. I don't care how many toys you can buy them. Its more about how much love and support you have to offer.

pregnantlettemama

I would want my baby to have everything I couldnt provide, strong support from extended family, strong values, exposure to a diverse culture (art, travel, etc.) Contact with parents who adopted my baby. I wish I could have a baby for u guys. Good luck, hope u have ur baby soon!

MikeandRonAdopt

Thank you all for your input.... It's sincerely appreciated...

MikeandRonAdopt

I dont know if it's bad manners to bump your own post... but what the heck... BUMP.. lol

Jaime77

My #1 reason I would want is a truly loving couple. Material possesions come and go, people lose jobs, so although wanting a financially stable couple is a good thing, i'd prefer a couple who laugh together through adversity, enjoy each other daily and are commited to each other till death do them part. A happy couple make the most loving homes.

MikeandRonAdopt

These are some great answer. For our few close calls it feels like it keeps coming down to us and a heterosexual couple and the heterosexual couple always wins. #sigh

We 100% support a birthmom picking her childs adoptive family for any reason that makes sense to her. We know that this is one of the toughest decisions she will make in her life and wouldnt judge her for her reasons...

But it's still so tough being picked over time and time again for the same thing. hope this doesnt upset anyone.

Chuieycuzca22

It is unfortunate that sexuality is still such a big deal for some folks. A loving family is a loving family no matter how it is made up. I truly hope you guys get the baby you deserve. You sound very loving and devoted. Prayers go out to you!

purple89

Well society still has nt accepted same sex. I prob wldnt give my child 2 a same sex just because I dnt agree wit dat lifestyle but thts my preference. GL on ur journey! Maybe youll find a couple that truly doesnt care if its a same sex family

janellesmommie

Loving couple financially stable how responsible they are, values.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Jaime77

Its a shame. Alot of people both male and female have the mindset that if your raised in a homosexual home, your child grows up to be a lesbian or gay man. My mom is straight my aunt is too, my sister and my cousin are lesbians. I personally would just want a loving couple.

janellesmommie

Dont give up!!!!!!!!! some people are so closed minded its insane! Same sex couple can give same values n love support as any other person. Everyone who wants to b a parent should get the chance to be they are alot of straight couples who dont deserve to b parents to children. You seem very lovin hope u get ur baby soon blessings ur wayy ! :X

MikeandRonAdopt

@mshahir .. thank you for that amazing answer.

MikeandRonAdopt

@Jaime77 ... It's funny.. most of us gays had heterosexual parents. A child is not more likely to be gay if they have gay parents.. they may however be more likely to know that they will be accepted for whomener they grow up to be in life because so many of us are not.

MikeandRonAdopt

@janellesmommie ... I wish there were more people like you in this world!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

EiralynnesMommy

For me, there are a few things that I would look for. I would look for a couple that had been together for a long time and have a strong relationship. I would also look for a couple that is financially secure, and allows the child to grow up with a openness to embrace any adversities that they will come across in life.

Finally, an open adoption would be very important to me. To me, this would be very important. I would still want the opportunity to see the child, and be part of its life. I know that this may be hard in some situations, but this would make the decision much easier on me, knowing that though adoption is forever, that the adoptive family is not trying to simply "take over", but would still allow the child to know me, so that I would have a chance to explain to them later what happened.

DreaMaria

I think core values are the most important to me and they also have so much to do with religion as that is where a good portion if my values come from. So, some form of religion would be important to me.

Next, would be education of the potential parents. I would want them to be college or graduate degree educated as education is incredibly important to me.

Family structure would be next. Do both parents work? What would they do for child care? I would hate for my child to be with a nanny or au pair more than with their own parents. The strength of their relationship and history of it would be important to me. Also, are the potential parents close with their families? As I feel extended family can offer so much to a child's life.

I would not care about heterosexual vs homosexual...it just doesn't matter to me.

I hope this helps and I hope you get the family that you so deserve.:)

caroline8_p

My mom is gay, it didn't influence me in anyway. If I were choosing adoption, I would so pick you guys! You are obviously caring and loving. You even adopted dogs to see if you were responsible enough for them!

BensMama

I think I'd be looking for a connection where I could tell they whole-heartedly want my baby and would truly, faithfully, unconditionally provide as much love as anyone can. I would need to believe them, if that makes sense. I'm not easily sold and wouldn't take well to that... I would need to recognize sincerity and a genuine passion. I would need to trust that they're grounded, good-natured, and forgiving.
Oops, I guess that's more than one thing. Hard to narrow it down! I'm not sure this will help you at all because I bet you fit these qualities and more that I didn't mention already. Keep the faith, your baby will come! Be true to who you are and I believe the right mama will find you.