i need help someone read please (please no bashing)its long sorry

squrit299

okay im young and made some choices i no i shouldnt have and did a lot of thing i should have thought more about, and now i am 18 year old and 18 almost 19 weeks pregnant, with a dead beat of a dad and i want the best for my lil girl and i have plans and a very supportive family who is willing and want me to do good and will help anyway they can, well today my dad came to me and asked me if i wanted to make a change and move to FL and have the baby there and basicaly leave the father out of it now dont get me wrong i understand everyone deserves to have a father and the father has rights i understand this compelety, but hes the kinda guy that doesnt have a job smokes pot and wont stop and hes kinda a girl lol at times. he has not got the baby one thing nor can he if he wanted, and we fight all the time and all he wants from me is sex, hes a pud in everyones eye including mine and if we get into the family life his family is not any better his mom does durg (pills) and his dad brother sister and his cousion smoke weed thats just the family inside that home and i forgot to say that they the family is about to lose the house, now the family outside the home is also smoking pot his uncle spends 200 on pot and is about to lose his house as well, my family is well off cuz of some things yes my dad smokes pot but has chronic pain and its prscribed, (hes not doing it for fun) everyone in my family is clean beside my dad, and have jobs, now i am faced with this choice i can pack up and leave with my family or stay here with nothing no help nothing, should i leave here and never look back? now i am trying to do whats best for my daughter,

blissmarie23

That's a hard call does he want to be involved with his child? Do you plan on staying with him? If not I would move. If he wants to be involved I would give him a chance but would definantly keep an eye on the baby for abuse and neglect. It doesn't sound like his family is going to be supportive in a positive way. If that's the case I would call CPS on them immediately.

Mimii36

I say leave. Thats whats best for your baby. Start a new life.

mommy_of_adriana

I say do what u want to do if the baby daf wants to grow up and take care of his kd he can always go visit in Florida do what's best for u and baby

angelsmommy

I believe every parent should have a chance to be a parent also...but hun it sounds like maybe moving closer to your family maybe what is best for you and baby. It sounds to me your more alone with the bd then with your family. Im not trying to judge and dont take it the wrong way. Its just my opinion from what you described.

Kate_K

Sounds like family support Is what is best for you and baby.... if they are moving I would follow them!
You probably need to let him know and let him decide if he will out the effort in to do anything. That way he can't hold it against you that you didn't inform him...

squrit299

@blissmarie23 its kinda hard to say u no cuz he says he wants to be involved but when i ask for anything he cant cuz he bought weed, i would call on them but i just cant for my own reasons,

@mimibrowneyez36 i agree with u but is there any law aginst me leaveing?

KrazymomofAdrian

Leave he wont get custody. If you feel that is best for your baby go. You deserve to start over and have a good life. Good luck. Your baby deserves the best.

camommy

Id go where the support is.

Mimii36

No. you have a right to leave if you want too. He cant stop you.

squrit299

@mommy_of_adriana i agree but he wont have the money to see baby,

@angelsmommy u are right on everything i am more alone and i do need my family i just dont want my lil girl to think she has no dad.

@Kate_K he nos my family is moving has for a few months now, i asked if he would move with me he said no.

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squrit299

@KrazymomofAdrian i feel like i need a new life too but i just want my daughter to be happy and i dont want to feel like a bad mom for leaveing.

@mimibrowneyez36 so i can just leave and he cant do anything?

squrit299

@lil_buggie_3 so i can only leave if babys not born yet and he cant do anyting? what if i move after shes born?

Babygirl716

Time to grow up and do whats best for you & your child. I, too, had my first son when I was 18. I'm 31 (32 on may 27th) now, I also had to make some hard decisions, but we have to do what, in turn, is best for the baby. Get yourself together & secure, and if the daddy decides he wants to be involved, give him the opportunity,& if you never hear from him again, at least you'll know you are capable of doing it without him.

squrit299

@Babygirl716 okay but what if he does but does things like how his sister leavs with them and they smoke around her and she nos what the pipe is she even says pass the pipe!

mommy_of_adriana

He can't until after the baby your not a bad person for leaving as long as your baby is loved she will be happy like lil_buggie_3 said it might be the motivation that he needs to get himself together it don't sound like he's ready to be a daddy ay this moment anyways

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Mimii36

Even after she are born it wont be easy for him to keep you here. He would have to go through the court. & he probably wouldnt waste his time doing that. Especially if he doesnt even have money for anything besides drugs because it would cost him money to go through the whole process

blissmarie23

If he has money to buy weed he has money to follow his child. Maybe it would be the catalyst for him to restart his life too. Noone is forcing him to buy drugs with his money or stay at home and not get a job.

squrit299

@mommy_of_adriana yes i no hes not ready, i dont think me moving will do anythong for him ho just piss him and family off.

@lil_buggie_3 what if i leave with out telling him?

@mimibrowneyez36 okay so i could still leave with her born and not get on trouble even if shes not
?

squrit299

@blissmarie23 ive asked him to leave and start a new life he dont want to

blissmarie23

I don't know but I think if he proves paternity he can fight for custody. But he would probably have to have a lawyer to do that. It may mean having your baby go and stay with him for visits. Bit I would tell them about the drugs in the house.

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Stillsurprised

I think at this point you need to do what is best for you and your baby. I think that would be going to FL. Good luck to you

squrit299

@lil_buggie_3 shit lol, this is so hard i mean i dont want to get into trouble by trying to have a good life.

blissmarie23

If he doesn't want to leave to be with his child he's not ready to be a parent. Armed men couldn't keep me from my daughter. Sorry if this sounds harsh. The father of my first son was an unemployed pot head. He would smoke up around me. When he found out I was pregnant he almost threw away his dream of being a lawyer. I wouldn't let him. We ended up giving our son up for adoption. But during most of the pregnancy we lived in different states. I still care for him but my life is infinantly better without him around day to day. He can see that too. He did finish law school and is practicing somewhere as far as I know. But the best decision we made was not to be together and giving our child up for adoption so we could both "start over."

Mimii36

So im confused. Are you considering moving before or after? If you want to move & you have the opportunity to move before than why not just go ahead.

Plus he cant an court order without a proof of paternity.

Mommyof4girls

If your under 18 you can leave because your parent left w out any repercussions. Of you leave before the baby is born same thing. If there's no court order after you can leave then too. If he doesn't personally sign the birth certificate he doesn't go on it. I gave my daughter my last name cause he never came back to sign it. I would def go and start a better life w out a dead beat.

squrit299

@mimibrowneyez36 well its complacted i have to wait tell my dads lawers say we can move.

squrit299

@Mommyof4girls i am 18, i am not giving her his last name i have yet to make the choice to have him on the birth certificate or not