need older/wiser/educated opinions please
However ALL opinions are welcomed.
I'm 23 with barely a job. My bf is almost 22 with a serving job that pays ≈$19-21,000/year but is subjective to how many days he gets. We have known each other for 7 years but only dating 6 months.
We are both part-time in college.
I lived with an ex bf for 2 years, moved back in with my parents; my current bf has never lived on his own. Ok that was background
…he wants to move out. Ok understandable, we looked at prices around here. Even if we live in low-income apartments, rent is about half of what he makes, and I don't get hours and just barely got a new job that hasn't started yet.
My mom just offered: if I get into a trade school, she will watch the baby while I go to school, will let me AND the bf live at home as long as he is in school as well, and will help me get loans and help pay for what is needed as long as I am in school to better myself for this baby.
I know what it is to live on my own without a baby, I know we will struggle and it will be difficult. And not to put down my bf, but he can't even keep a clean room, let alone do all this in one big, swift motion.
I love him and want to be with him. I want our little happy family in a house of our own with few worries.
he EXPLODED when I brought this up. He said he wont even consider it and will move out on his own with or without me. He said I broke his heart even considering it, that he's done with me and wishes it didn't even happen. That I'm selfish for not taking what he wants into consideration, and rude for wanting to do what I want to do vs. what he wants to do.
I feel like I'm considering what's best for the baby, being offered what is basically a free ride with school, living, and babysitter. I want to do this regardless of if he supports me or not, because I want to be able to support myself later and not struggle through this.
I'm 23 with barely a job. My bf is almost 22 with a serving job that pays ≈$19-21,000/year but is subjective to how many days he gets. We have known each other for 7 years but only dating 6 months.
We are both part-time in college.
I lived with an ex bf for 2 years, moved back in with my parents; my current bf has never lived on his own. Ok that was background
…he wants to move out. Ok understandable, we looked at prices around here. Even if we live in low-income apartments, rent is about half of what he makes, and I don't get hours and just barely got a new job that hasn't started yet.
My mom just offered: if I get into a trade school, she will watch the baby while I go to school, will let me AND the bf live at home as long as he is in school as well, and will help me get loans and help pay for what is needed as long as I am in school to better myself for this baby.
I know what it is to live on my own without a baby, I know we will struggle and it will be difficult. And not to put down my bf, but he can't even keep a clean room, let alone do all this in one big, swift motion.
I love him and want to be with him. I want our little happy family in a house of our own with few worries.
he EXPLODED when I brought this up. He said he wont even consider it and will move out on his own with or without me. He said I broke his heart even considering it, that he's done with me and wishes it didn't even happen. That I'm selfish for not taking what he wants into consideration, and rude for wanting to do what I want to do vs. what he wants to do.
I feel like I'm considering what's best for the baby, being offered what is basically a free ride with school, living, and babysitter. I want to do this regardless of if he supports me or not, because I want to be able to support myself later and not struggle through this.
Comments
@everyone else thank you for your opinions. The more the better; my aim is to get as much insight as possible to try to explain more to him about why we should do it.
Part of me feels like maybe he feels like he has something to prove to his parents, himself, or me. A good friend that knows both of us well said he might need to prove it on his own first, then realize on his own the hard way that its more difficult than it seems.
My dad said he needs to step up to bat and deal with whatever ball comes his way—meaning he needs to take this deal whether he likes it or not to do what's best for the baby.
so I say take that offer from ur mom!! she will help and while shes there u will grow stronger financially and in parenting as well. no need to jump to something bigger knowing that u got all the help u need!!
not a lot of mothers out there give thier kids that kind of chance. u r blessed to have a mother like that girl. greatest luck!!
In an unrelated subject, he thinls I don't want this with him because I also asked for a hyphenated last name since we aren't married. Between all that he said I'm breaking his heart and that he doesn't feel like I love him. Or something along those lines
I did a budget to show him. I added up rent, food, diapers, formula, wipes, clothes, utilities, ect & asked him if he could pay for that all every month while I went back to school.
It took a few weeks after that but he came around.
Hope this helps & good luck.
Try explaining that it can be changed later, & having a baby without your last name can make some situations harder. Like taking the kid to a doctor/hospital for example.
Again, my guy came around, but it wasn't easy!!
I have another question too... idk if I should tell his mom what my mom offered, or let him tell her? If he tells her I'm scared he's going to make me out to be this bad person, like im taking this kid away from him, but if I tell her I feel like I'm going behind his back.
I just don't know what to do, my parents are giving me the deal of a lifetime, and I feel like he is making me have to choose between a chance at a successful life or a life struggling to make it with him. It's not fair that he's putting me in this situation and making me feel like a horrible person.
If his mother asks you your plans than tell her what your mother is offering but don't bring it up on your own. Seems like it doesn't take much to upset your bf so avoid it if you can.
Or we can live in my parents 3000sq ft custom built house, on 1acre property, on a cul de sac, with pool/orchard/pond and a second house in the back (where my grandma lives)
I just wish he could have a more Vulcan perspective on the whole situation...
There's also a small possibility of getting my grandmas house later on, its 2bd 2 bath on the back of our property.
Its no longer about what you want, but rather what is going to help you help the kid.
Which is clearly the offer your mom has put on the table.
Lots of people have to struggle on their own, & to have a family be willing to help in such a huge way, should not be over looked.
Good luck.