Help: Best friend wants to smoke @ shower, wont listen to my requests not to.

RhiRiot

Advice please ladies...

I have this friend who is super touchy and debates with everyone about everything coming to my shower in Oct. She is one of my closest friends so I really want her there.
The thing is she chain smokes like no other.
I have asked her already to not smoke at the shower and she went ballistic.
"Why can't I just go in the back"
"Bc my mom doesn't want people smoking in her backyard"
"Why can't I go in the front"
"Bc you'll come back and smell like it and it makes me nauseas."
"Why can't I put on perfume"
"Bc it will still smell. Besides...I don't want you spending half my shower outside smoking, and taking other guests with you"
"We don't smoke that long"
"Its like 15 mins if you have just one"
...this continued on and on until I just dropped it.

I have no idea what to do here.
I feel like I am at the point of saying "don't smoke for 3 hours and come or leave early".
Is that being too harsh?
(This isn't the 1st time her smoking has actually got in the way of an event of mine. When I got married she was my MOH and needed to sign my license. The priest had to leave so we were hurried and she was no where to be found. When we did find her she was smoking and was all "gimme 10 mins"...we had to have someone else sign...which of course pissed her off.)

So ladies, any tips?
I want her to come but I really don't want to deal with her habit and I really don't see the problem with requesting that people not smoke for 3 hours.
Thought?

Thanks,
Rhi

lae3

oh lord some smokers are so crazy.. she should be able to quit for a few hours

1stWoodsBaby

I'd have the same point of view as you do. Not only does she smell when she comes back in, but anything she sits on will smell too. If it makes you nauseas, she definitely shouldn't smoke, it is after all YOUR event! Sorry I don't have any advice on how to handle it, just commenting to let you know that I'd feel the same way you are and don't let her make you feel like you are being a bad person or anything like that.

Mimii36

If she cant respect your wishes then she isnt a good friend & shouldnt be invited.

Jess510

Seriously she should not smoke for three hours.

RhiRiot

Thank you :-)

Fashion_Junky91

If she was a real friend she wud put the smokin aside for u.....no questions

Kindell

it sounds like she is very addicted. tell her you dont want it to harm your child.

txmoorekat

Electronic cigarettes?

Mimii36

& explain to her that putting on perfume doesnt change things. When you smoke the chemicals get into your clothes and can still be harmful to you & your baby. Perfume doesnt do anything.

Mybabe

It sounds like She just shouldn't be invited and if you really want her there you might just have it let her smoke... she may not give in

Fashion_Junky91

Ask her if she can quit.for 3 hrs and if she does treat her to ladys day out. Make it like a bet. Like I bet u cant stop smokin for 3 hrs. It is hard for a chain smoker to stop.

mrs_shu

If she goes to the movies or eats in restaurants she has the ability to go without smoking for a couple hours.
However you do realize when/if she shows up she will smell of it since she'll obviously smoke as much as possible on the way and sitting parked in front of the house before going in so one of your reasons is kinda out the window (shell smell of it with or without perfume)

Have you called all the other smokers attending and told them they can't smoke?

Sean_and_Mindy

I was a smoker and a pretty heavy one at that. But if someone requested that I did not smoke, I would respect their wishes, leave early, or not attend all together. At this point, I would say your friend has a respect issue. Stand your ground, you have every right to ask her not to smoke, and if she can't control herself, it is not her addiction at that point, it is her own selfishness.

RhiRiot

@mrs_shu: yes. My aunt jokingly whined but then said okay she understands

I just don't want to make an exception for my friend and then have all the other smokers go out with them. I've been at plenty of events where what once was a filled room becomes empty bc now everyone is outside smoking. And I used to smoke b4 I got pregnant so I know it happens bc I did it too. But at my other friends shower she requested we not smoke and I didn't. It was her event...so even from the smokers POV I really don't understand why my friend is being so difficult about it.

Mimii36

If you tell her its dangerous to your bby then how can ahe argue with that? What kinda friend is that!?

CaptainMorgaine

You should throw up on her. When I was pregnant, Id rather live in a port a potty than sit next to a smoker.

mrsrocketfield1221

Honestly I agree, although it's an addiction she is not being a good friend being disrespectful by not being able to compromise and wait it out for 3 hours. What does she do on a plane ride or something?!?! Lol but its seems as though she does not have your best interest at heart, even if she didn't smoke around you. Its your call but NO you are not being rude by giving her that decision. Make sure to mention how much it would mean to you to have get their and to sacrifice just a small portion of her smoking time. Good luck.

mrs_shu

Ok well as long as she isn't the one being singled out then no its not harsh

She's probably being difficult because she doesn't like/want someone telling her she can't smoke outside. In her head she doesn't see what the big deal is. And since you've already talked to that brick wall there's nothing more you can say to convince her. Its apples and oranges but at this point you'd have better luck convincing a drunk person to not have another one.

@fashion_junky91 has the only thing that MIGHT work which is basically bribing her lol pull the 'ol come on do it for me, do it for my little peanut..and I promise ill take you out for lunch or something

valentinasmommy

I personally wouldn't want her there. I would make her choose between the shower or smoking.