I found something in my son's room...NEW UPDATE
Let me first say I feel like a total failure as a mother of my teen boys.
I got a call from the school today that both my 15yo son and 16yo son were getting suspended for smoking cigarettes. It would be in school suspension only because it is "count" week...meaning the school gets state funding based on attendance that week. As some of you may know from previous posts, I've been having a hard time with both of them and especially the 15 year old.
Well, my husband and I had just been talking that we'd noticed some red flags from both of them and wondered if they were doing something. The phone call from school prompted me to search their room...I found 3 bottles of alcohol, a bag of weed, a bag of pills which later I found out are Methocarbenol, an empty condom wrapper, Visine, 2 empty zip lock bags with white powder residue in them and a video camera hidden under the mattress. I haven't looked to see what's on it yet, I'm kind of afraid to and the batteries are dead.
I calmly confronted them after school and said we needed to talk and I asked them things like where they got it, if there was anything else anywhere, how long they've been doing it, etc. I was calm and rational....not emotional or argumentative.
They both completely denied smoking at school, the 16yo admitted the alcohol was his and that he was highly offended that I was snooping in his room and that he had been saving it for a special occasion for over 6 months. He also said it's no big deal and that it was only lemonade. (It was Smirnoff Lemonade)
The 15yo admitted that everything else was his...but that he was "holding" the pills for a friend and he only does weed. He said he's been doing it for over a year and that he will be doing it the rest of his life. He informed me that it's safe, not addictive, it actually makes you smarter and makes you more aware and pay more attention to detail and that it has absolutely no side effects. He overdosed on weed about 3 months ago and I had to take him to an emergency room, he thought he was dying. At that time I put him on house arrest (myself) and took him to counseling twice. He started acting pretty normal until school just recently started again.
They both said there was nothing wrong with them doing any of that and that I shouldn't make a big deal of it. That almost all teens do it and it's no big deal. I told them that it was a huge deal to me and that I wouldn't tolerate it and that they are grounded, I want their phones, their driver's licenses and the key to my 16 year old's motorcycle. They both said straight to my face no and that they weren't listening to me and that they hate me and I was overreacting. Keep in mind I was completely calm and not arguing, blaming, yelling...nothing, just asking questions.
Also, keep in mind my husband wasn't there due to work..he won't be home for 2 days. I was confronting them alone with the 6 smaller children upstairs in quiet time. These 2 are from my previous marriage and their dad abandoned them when they were 1 year old and a newborn. They have had a somewhat rough life with that and me being a single mom for 4 years and adjusting to me remarrying and having more children. My husband doesn't do too well with disciplining them and never has...basically because he's their step dad and just honestly didn't do too well at that. He knows it and does the best he can, but that's just the way it is.
I said they can choose to not obey but they'll pay the consequences and they just blew it off. Well, I'm going to go to Juvenile court tomorrow and talk to someone about pressing charges. (I didn't tell them that) I can't allow this to continue...it's obviously been going on quite a while and they are tearing our family apart over it. They're setting a horrible example for the younger ones and I don't want to see them get hurt or hurt someone else. I want them to get help. This just breaks my heart almost beyond what I can bear. There are no words to describe it.
I hope I'm doing the right thing, but I know now as a parent that I've completely lost any control over them and they are making destructive choices. I need help and if it has to be the court system, then that's what it has to be. I love them too much to just stand by and let them destroy their lives...even if that means they will hate me for it....temporarily I hope.
I got a call from the school today that both my 15yo son and 16yo son were getting suspended for smoking cigarettes. It would be in school suspension only because it is "count" week...meaning the school gets state funding based on attendance that week. As some of you may know from previous posts, I've been having a hard time with both of them and especially the 15 year old.
Well, my husband and I had just been talking that we'd noticed some red flags from both of them and wondered if they were doing something. The phone call from school prompted me to search their room...I found 3 bottles of alcohol, a bag of weed, a bag of pills which later I found out are Methocarbenol, an empty condom wrapper, Visine, 2 empty zip lock bags with white powder residue in them and a video camera hidden under the mattress. I haven't looked to see what's on it yet, I'm kind of afraid to and the batteries are dead.
I calmly confronted them after school and said we needed to talk and I asked them things like where they got it, if there was anything else anywhere, how long they've been doing it, etc. I was calm and rational....not emotional or argumentative.
They both completely denied smoking at school, the 16yo admitted the alcohol was his and that he was highly offended that I was snooping in his room and that he had been saving it for a special occasion for over 6 months. He also said it's no big deal and that it was only lemonade. (It was Smirnoff Lemonade)
The 15yo admitted that everything else was his...but that he was "holding" the pills for a friend and he only does weed. He said he's been doing it for over a year and that he will be doing it the rest of his life. He informed me that it's safe, not addictive, it actually makes you smarter and makes you more aware and pay more attention to detail and that it has absolutely no side effects. He overdosed on weed about 3 months ago and I had to take him to an emergency room, he thought he was dying. At that time I put him on house arrest (myself) and took him to counseling twice. He started acting pretty normal until school just recently started again.
They both said there was nothing wrong with them doing any of that and that I shouldn't make a big deal of it. That almost all teens do it and it's no big deal. I told them that it was a huge deal to me and that I wouldn't tolerate it and that they are grounded, I want their phones, their driver's licenses and the key to my 16 year old's motorcycle. They both said straight to my face no and that they weren't listening to me and that they hate me and I was overreacting. Keep in mind I was completely calm and not arguing, blaming, yelling...nothing, just asking questions.
Also, keep in mind my husband wasn't there due to work..he won't be home for 2 days. I was confronting them alone with the 6 smaller children upstairs in quiet time. These 2 are from my previous marriage and their dad abandoned them when they were 1 year old and a newborn. They have had a somewhat rough life with that and me being a single mom for 4 years and adjusting to me remarrying and having more children. My husband doesn't do too well with disciplining them and never has...basically because he's their step dad and just honestly didn't do too well at that. He knows it and does the best he can, but that's just the way it is.
I said they can choose to not obey but they'll pay the consequences and they just blew it off. Well, I'm going to go to Juvenile court tomorrow and talk to someone about pressing charges. (I didn't tell them that) I can't allow this to continue...it's obviously been going on quite a while and they are tearing our family apart over it. They're setting a horrible example for the younger ones and I don't want to see them get hurt or hurt someone else. I want them to get help. This just breaks my heart almost beyond what I can bear. There are no words to describe it.
I hope I'm doing the right thing, but I know now as a parent that I've completely lost any control over them and they are making destructive choices. I need help and if it has to be the court system, then that's what it has to be. I love them too much to just stand by and let them destroy their lives...even if that means they will hate me for it....temporarily I hope.
Comments
I just realized I probably wasn't any help but just sharing my experience. Sorry and I hope they realize that you are just trying to help them and turn themselves around.
Thank you for the encouragement and letting me know about your mom. That helps me know I should at least do something. I think I'd rather err on the side of caution then something terrible happen to them or them get addicted their whole lives.
and I'm trying to do the strict punishment at home but they are completely disobedient.