6 alternative time outs {please see update at top}

I AM NOT MEANING FIR THIS TO BE A PARENTING DEBATE, about whether hitting is ok...so please let's keep this civil...with NO name calling..this is an article for us peaceful parents, or those that are interested in that life style

Great article about alternative time outs! I practice some of these when I get stressed with Ollie, and they are really helpful!

http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/alternatives-time-out/
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Comments

  • Good stuff.:)
  • We teach our children to be prepared for the world as an adult without us. If I were to throw a tantrum and break something as an adult would I get a hug? No, I'd go to jail. It's completely unrealistic in my opinion. US as parents are suppose to prepare our children for life...and most of us do nothing when the child does something that needs attention right away...this is why so many children act out...because they get a hug when they do something wrong. I know my kids would take full advantage of that! Let my 11 year old whoop on your 5 year old and lets see if that hug should still be in play as a form of punishment lol The US is turning our children into spoiled shit stains that think they're owed something....and everybody wonders why!! Taadaa!!
  • Wow...I think you missed the whole point of that article. I am not raising my child to be "spoiled shit stain" (how dare you by the way) I am raising my child to be someone who can work out their feelings calmly. Bc when I am calm in crazy situations he learns from that! I never ignore bad behavior I redirect it, and show him a better way to handle things! @christinalynn
  • Wow I still can't believe you referred to calmly parented (like my child) as spoiled shit stains...that's real adult and mature!
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  • Thanks you @mama_kat my vision blurred for a second..needed a breath...lol
  • Ashley I never refered to your child as a spoiled shit stain...I never once even suggested that lol. Completely ridiculous. Needing to be calm in a situation is crucial...because if you're irrational your teaching your child to act that as well. I'm talking about when a child clearly does something wrong, and doing next to nothing as a punishment. My friend was pregnant with her daughter...and she invited her other friend over who has two children. A little girl and a baby boy. The little girl got so mad that she kicked my friend in her stomach...guess what the Mom did? Said that wasn't very nice and left it at that...the little girl has been found with a dead kitten that she beat to death...again...Mother said it wasn't nice...and actually bought her another kitten. So a hug would've been appropriate for punishment?
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  • @mama_Kat I completely understand about teaching your child how to remain calm. But when the child thinks they can get away nearly scotch free when they've done something wrong...isnt that also teaching them there will be no real punishment when they do something wrong? That is also very detrimental to a a child's learning. Our job is to teach them if they do something wrong, there will be punishment in play. Because well...that's how it is in the real world. It's not all hugs and talks out here...
  • But she exhibits that possibly because she knows nothingcan be done...she's untouchable in her mind. If you have no real punishment in play for the average child, they're going to think they can get away with a lot. What is that teaching them?
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  • And I completely agree with you about age appropriate and every child being different! I believe we are spoiling our kids...even on the little things, but that's my opinion of course. There are parents being too harsh and lenient...and a middle ground should be found I completely agree. However...I'm just stating my opinion and what my thoughts are.
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  • It sure seemed as though you were referring to all children who are parented in this manner were that.. I even had my husband and MIL read it before I got mad to make sure I read it right. They both agreed.

    You are stuck on the hug thing. Peaceful parenting isn't about just saying "that's not nice" and giving a hug. It's about communication. It's about discussing with said child about WHY that wasn't nice, about how he/she would feel if they were treated like that. It's about remaing calm while having this discussion. So they can see that things can be solved calmly. If my son kicked someone else. It would be much more (depending on the age) than just that's not nice. How old was this child? Bc certain ages comprehend certain things. If said child is to young to understand then there isn't to much to explain! In the case of the dead kitty. That little girl has anger issues that need to be unraveled. So no buying her a new kitty won't fix that situation.

    And ps...I take offense for ANY child you refer to as spoiled shit stains.
  • Me and my husband were talking about this today. We have friends who physically hold their child down when they're acting out. Time out for punishment etc. They don't believe in spanking. The dad told my husband yesterday about he's amazed at how well our son listens and does something as soon as he's told to do it. And... We SPANK! Clear cut, go to your room, give him a second to think about why he's there. Spank him, give him time to sit and think again. Then explain to him why he got a spanking. He knows full and well at 7 years old what is and is not acceptable. And it's because we've always been consistent with punishment. It's not that we want him to be a mindless drone or fear us. It's enough to get his attention.
  • I also believe that children are what you teach them to be. So if you are an angry, fly off the handle, emotionally detached parent then that is what you will teach your child to be. Plain and simple.
  • @ashley_smashley I believe that. Just snapping. Because kids will learn how much they can get away with before the parent does snap. And they'll just tread that line. 1st time its stop, second is stop or you're getting a spanking, and the 3rd time they get a spanking. So they know every that's what happens. Gives them time to stop their behavior. imo That's also why we send him to his room. Cool off period, don't do it out of anger, always explain, and knows that we love him.
  • Agree with @cetheridge and @cristinalynn. I am stuck on the hug thing as well, which is probably the most idiotic parenting advice I have ever heard in regards to punishment next to randomly rolling around on the floor. "Hey little one who just punched his sister, let's roll around!" :)

    I see the point of the article and the intention of this mindful parenting, however, most of the examples in the article seriously made me laugh out loud. It just boils down to what works for us individually. Personally, I do not find these examples set forth in the article to be effective. And I totally agree with "shit stain "children. They are out there and a wonderful product of terrible parenting (not saying mindful parenting is terrible parenting at all). No one type of parenting works for all children. While I actually very strongly disagree with this article, theres still a couple things i realized i can change. :)
  • I think the punishment should fit the crime. Something lesser should be treated with a lesser punishment... but the bigger things are when I go into tough love mode. My son is 3.5yrs old... its not going to be that long till he is in school and I need to trust that my son understands right from wrong. That being said when he is tired or frustrated and makes the decision to have a tantrum I give him the option to calm down and talk if he refuses (which he does 99%o of the time) then he goes and sits in time out till he decides he is ready to calm down. At that point we have a chat about what happened and restrictions are put down for the rest of the day (e.g. no tv or no game devices) and he won't get those privileges back till the following day and only if his behavior is much improved.... now if I offered a hug at the start... then started making animal noises to distract... what is that teaching him? I certainly don't feel it teaches that there are consequences to his actions.... but my daughter on the other hand is just about to turn 1 and I think redirection and distraction is perfect for her age group as shedoesn't understand real consequences at this age anyway. I think there needs to be a balance between age appropriate and punishment fitting the crime. If there is no unpleasant consequence what is the deterrence to not do it again... young children won't remember mummy had a chat with me and said that's not a nice thing to do... but they are more likely to remember mummy put me in time out and I did
    n't like it...
  • The hug, and LOL is to diffuse the situation so both bring your boiling point down a few notches to where you both will be able to receive each others thoughts on what just happened. @captivated
  • @captivated and if you or any parent takes ANYTHING away from the article about how to better parent...then I am happy! That's all I wanted....
  • @Mama_Kat She has been spoiled her whole life and made to believe she can do anything she wants. She was 7 at the time it happened. @Ashley_smashley I understand telling them hey look...that's not right because... but my thing is, and I probably should've specified further, when a child messes their room up...you go in and calmly talk that they need to clean it because a clean room is a happy room, and everything looks nicer clean...what if that child doesn't clean their room after that? Do you talk to them calmly still, or do you say something like if you don't clean your room then so and so can't stay the night. What I use to do when I was little is I wouldn't do it...cleaning or whatever it was...because I knew my mom would do it for me. I was that shit stain btw lol...my nephew is a shit stain...and I mean that in the most loving way...he has been taught that he can get awayvwith anything because there will be no punishment...he dropped out in the 8th grade, has never had a job, use to smoke pot everyday, and did what he wanted with no repercussions at all. I see kids being mean to other kids..and their parents do nothing. One woman even yelled at me because I told all the kids they had to play nice and there is no pushing allowed when her five year old almost pushed my two year old off the big toy. I agree how you react is how your child is going to be...which is why all my five girls are awesome. I have taught them right from wrong because I want them to as prepared as possible when they're adults. @Cetheridge Yes!! I have stopped hanging out with some friends with children because they cannot get their children under control!! When talking no longer works...there has to be an alternative!!
  • Hmm, that makes sense Ashley. I can actually understand it more now. Interesting.
  • I liked the part where it said to make sure to take the time to ask them how they are/how their day was and to tell them you love them more often.
    I just can't see myself doing what they recommend out in public - which is where 85% of Jake's tantrums occur. I lower my voice and go down to his level so we're eye to eye and tell him firmly his behaviour is rude and unacceptable. He's a very sensitive kid, and so far, that works.

    Now on the other hand, I do somewgat follow the article's guidelines for Colin. He just turned one, so yeah - I try to deflect his moods, make him laugh instead of scream. Lol But once he's older and can learn... I hope what's worked with Jake will work with him!
  • @captivated Exactly what I was trying to say! Geeze I wasn't think to turn it into a debate or offend anyone...just was trying to put my thoughts into an article that was posted. I guess only the opinions that are allowed is if you agree :-/ that kinda hurts my feelings a little bit to know that I couldn't share my opinion on the discussion because I have a different opinion. I never made it personal nor did I attack or put someone down for their differences. Everyone is going to have different ways on doing things. I just thought everyone would be okay with having a different side being shared.
  • I wouldnt beat yourself up @cristinalynn. If so, I'd feel like that with every one of my posts ;)
  • edited October 2012
    It seemed to me like the article was saying these were the things parents should do to gain control of their own emotions during the day....was it seriously talking about doing those steps DURING a tantrum? I can see all that working before the tantrum, but during? I'm confused on that one. I don't even ALLOW my kids to have a tantrum. As soon as one starts, they're reprimanded...and whatever it takes to stop the tantrum. That can mean a stern look, a serious tone with the word NO & a tiny bit of explaining, or it can mean a flat out spanking. Whatever it takes at that moment. And I start this AS SOON as they start having tantrums..that may be 8 months or 2 years....and interestingly my 6 youngest kids literally NEVER have tantrums. Now my older 2 that I raised different because I didn't know any better? Well...psshhhh...they're doing drugs and out of control and completely disrespectful to authority of all kinds. I hate to say it, but they could be classified as the shit stains.

    I completely agree with a lot of what the article was saying, just not DURING a temper tantrum. I've been told I have the most well behaved kids people have ever seen and I do spank if needed. But when the punishment is over, I'm full of love and kindness! We have fun and play and say we love you and hug, etc. like the article said and more. I believe we can have the fun, loving relationships though because we don't let it get to the point of having tantrums. I expect first time obedience and my kids know it. If you have a good relationship with your kids I think they're more willing to obey you though, too.

    No offense to anyone, I'm just stating my personal experience and opinions. I really loved the article a lot, just disagree with the timing I guess, unless I missed something. I do occasionally when someone is acting a little moody say loudly and with a bit of comedy with my arms open wide, "Awe, does someone need a huuugggggggg?" even to my teens and it always gets a laugh. However, I wouldn't use this approach if my child just punched someone in the stomach or killed a kitten....lol! :D (which they would never do ha ha @cristinalynn )
  • Im lmao @ shit stain children....ive never heard it said that way before lmfao
  • If it works for you do it, if it doesnt dont....Simple as that...as a parent we know whats best for OUR children I respect a lot of ladies in here and their opinions HOWEVER come the end of the day im going to do what I feel is best for my children <3
  • @Wilsosmom Lol :-p that's exactly the way I feel...maybe I came off a little too harsh and could've chose different words. The shit stain thing was halfway me trying to be funny...I mean...there are spoiled shit stains...but wasn't meaning it personally towards anyone. I wouldn't ever intentionally hurt anyone by saying something horrible about children I dont know. Well...about any child. I was trying to point out if the talking doesn't work then what? Every child needs discipline and boundaries to be a functioning productive adult. It's our job as parents to teach them that, along with love, compassion and rationality(plus tons more). I wasn't suggesting my way or anyone's way was wrong or right. @pregoagainyay lol I should've said spoiled brat or something so people wouldn't be so shocking lol
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