"Potential VBAC Moms- Wake Up!"
@2ndbutfirst (didn't want to take over your thread!)
I love this article!
YOUR Uterus
"Most OB’s give a lot of lip service to VBAC. A lot. They talk the talk, but hardly ever walk the walk.
As much as it ruffles my feathers to hear some OB’s outright tell women that it is their way or the highway, I prefer that upfront ego to veiled half truths and lies. For those OB’s that like to string you along until your 38th week of pregnancy, telling you that a VBAC is possible, it becomes all to common that your pregnancy is the one that is that rare exception and – oops, sorry, we just have to schedule another cesarean, but all that matters is a healthy baby, right? If you’ve read my book, you will laugh at that last statement, because you know it’s the ultimate in manipulation and cowardice, and it’s what OB’s say when they want you to agree with them, because challenging that makes you look stupid and negligent. So then your eyes glaze over, you just smile, nod your head yes, and quietly die a little bit more inside, right?
WAKE UP, POTENTIAL VBAC MOM’S!
I have been around birthing women for a long, long time, and from experience let me tell you that the rare exception is that the VBAC actually happens, despite all the mountains of evidence out there to support VBAC’s for women that have had even 2 or more cesareans, not to mention that nagging feeling in your gut that tells you that you are right and ‘they’ are wrong.
Look, I’m the first to acknowledge that every woman, baby and situation is different, but they all aren’t THAT different that you shouldn’t be asking questions and seeking second opinions. If I’ve learned one thing as a doula and childbirth educator, it’s that you have to be willing to walk away and say no in order to get adequate care sometimes. I’ve also learned that the obstetric community doesn’t change until a certain threshold number of women will walk away from them.
YOU’VE GOT THE POWER
In Other Words, OB’s Eventually Do What We Tell Them To. Period.
Now, this is not to vilify OB’s or pit you against your OB, but you do not have the luxury of time. You cannot afford to wait until your OB’s ‘gets it’. But let me suggest this. If you aren’t willing to research, work and question your OB…if you aren’t willing to walk away and go somewhere else, if it is true that OB’s eventually do what we tell them to do (and I personally testify that that is the case), then may I suggest that the problem is not your OB, it is YOU.
You can take all your OB’s reasons, wrap them up neatly in a package, and throw them away, and just say it….you want another cesarean. Just go ahead and own that. Whether it’s fear, not wanting to face your innermost core, or shear laziness, you don’t really want a vaginal birth, do you? It’s all just too much work and too much of yourself revealed, isn’t it? Just like with the OB’s, I’d rather have a pregnant mom outright tell me she prefers a cesarean than to hear veiled half truths and lies. “I’d like a VBAC, but my doctor just says no”. Rrrriiiigghhhhtt…..
Look, it’s okay with me, and every other VBAC advocate out there, if you prefer the surgery, scheduled, no less. Yes, if all VBAC women took responsibility and owned their birth experience it would ultimately make access to VBAC easier for those women who are willing to fight for their safest and most peaceful birth, but ultimately you are the one who has to live with yourself – and your decision to repeat your cesarean experience isn’t going to stop someone who is really committed to their VBAC from manifesting it. And no one can force you to unveil those parts of yourself you need to in order to open up and release your baby under your own power.
THE FACTS ARE THIS
You have a ton of studies behind you to back you up in achieving a vaginal birth
Even if you’ve had 2, 3, 4 or more cesareans you are still a VBAC candidate
Even if your cesarean was the result of the rarest thing on the face of this earth, there is nothing saying that you can’t research, ask questions, seek second opinions, and explore
Even if you are due tomorrow, you can still say no
You are not a victim of your body, baby or doctor
THE LAST FACT IS…..
This is really about you, and not your doctor. Women are often their own perpetrators. Do you want a vaginal birth? Do you?! Then stop giving voice to all the trauma and pain you have endured, start healing and acting like you want that baby to pass through your legs and into your arms. Start looking for resources to help you acheive it, instead of just blindly walking in and out of your doctor’s office like some mindless womb pod waiting to be relieved of your contents. Connect with those parts of yourself that knows how to birth, how to claim what is yours. Don’t say you can’t do it, you’re the exception, or it’s just too late or risky because there is a 99% chance that you are wrong. I’ve seen scores of women push past all those terror barriers and the beauty and glory waiting for you is indescribable and it’s what gives me the motivation to be so bold. Of course the outcome is not guaranteed, but the satisfaction with yourself for taking the journey is.
I don’t care if you are scheduled to have your cesarean tomorrow, you are the captain of your own ship, start steering it.
I love this article!
YOUR Uterus
"Most OB’s give a lot of lip service to VBAC. A lot. They talk the talk, but hardly ever walk the walk.
As much as it ruffles my feathers to hear some OB’s outright tell women that it is their way or the highway, I prefer that upfront ego to veiled half truths and lies. For those OB’s that like to string you along until your 38th week of pregnancy, telling you that a VBAC is possible, it becomes all to common that your pregnancy is the one that is that rare exception and – oops, sorry, we just have to schedule another cesarean, but all that matters is a healthy baby, right? If you’ve read my book, you will laugh at that last statement, because you know it’s the ultimate in manipulation and cowardice, and it’s what OB’s say when they want you to agree with them, because challenging that makes you look stupid and negligent. So then your eyes glaze over, you just smile, nod your head yes, and quietly die a little bit more inside, right?
WAKE UP, POTENTIAL VBAC MOM’S!
I have been around birthing women for a long, long time, and from experience let me tell you that the rare exception is that the VBAC actually happens, despite all the mountains of evidence out there to support VBAC’s for women that have had even 2 or more cesareans, not to mention that nagging feeling in your gut that tells you that you are right and ‘they’ are wrong.
Look, I’m the first to acknowledge that every woman, baby and situation is different, but they all aren’t THAT different that you shouldn’t be asking questions and seeking second opinions. If I’ve learned one thing as a doula and childbirth educator, it’s that you have to be willing to walk away and say no in order to get adequate care sometimes. I’ve also learned that the obstetric community doesn’t change until a certain threshold number of women will walk away from them.
YOU’VE GOT THE POWER
In Other Words, OB’s Eventually Do What We Tell Them To. Period.
Now, this is not to vilify OB’s or pit you against your OB, but you do not have the luxury of time. You cannot afford to wait until your OB’s ‘gets it’. But let me suggest this. If you aren’t willing to research, work and question your OB…if you aren’t willing to walk away and go somewhere else, if it is true that OB’s eventually do what we tell them to do (and I personally testify that that is the case), then may I suggest that the problem is not your OB, it is YOU.
You can take all your OB’s reasons, wrap them up neatly in a package, and throw them away, and just say it….you want another cesarean. Just go ahead and own that. Whether it’s fear, not wanting to face your innermost core, or shear laziness, you don’t really want a vaginal birth, do you? It’s all just too much work and too much of yourself revealed, isn’t it? Just like with the OB’s, I’d rather have a pregnant mom outright tell me she prefers a cesarean than to hear veiled half truths and lies. “I’d like a VBAC, but my doctor just says no”. Rrrriiiigghhhhtt…..
Look, it’s okay with me, and every other VBAC advocate out there, if you prefer the surgery, scheduled, no less. Yes, if all VBAC women took responsibility and owned their birth experience it would ultimately make access to VBAC easier for those women who are willing to fight for their safest and most peaceful birth, but ultimately you are the one who has to live with yourself – and your decision to repeat your cesarean experience isn’t going to stop someone who is really committed to their VBAC from manifesting it. And no one can force you to unveil those parts of yourself you need to in order to open up and release your baby under your own power.
THE FACTS ARE THIS
You have a ton of studies behind you to back you up in achieving a vaginal birth
Even if you’ve had 2, 3, 4 or more cesareans you are still a VBAC candidate
Even if your cesarean was the result of the rarest thing on the face of this earth, there is nothing saying that you can’t research, ask questions, seek second opinions, and explore
Even if you are due tomorrow, you can still say no
You are not a victim of your body, baby or doctor
THE LAST FACT IS…..
This is really about you, and not your doctor. Women are often their own perpetrators. Do you want a vaginal birth? Do you?! Then stop giving voice to all the trauma and pain you have endured, start healing and acting like you want that baby to pass through your legs and into your arms. Start looking for resources to help you acheive it, instead of just blindly walking in and out of your doctor’s office like some mindless womb pod waiting to be relieved of your contents. Connect with those parts of yourself that knows how to birth, how to claim what is yours. Don’t say you can’t do it, you’re the exception, or it’s just too late or risky because there is a 99% chance that you are wrong. I’ve seen scores of women push past all those terror barriers and the beauty and glory waiting for you is indescribable and it’s what gives me the motivation to be so bold. Of course the outcome is not guaranteed, but the satisfaction with yourself for taking the journey is.
I don’t care if you are scheduled to have your cesarean tomorrow, you are the captain of your own ship, start steering it.
Comments
@2ndbutfirst post and came across this one! Thank you @armahnismommy!