Don't take any of what Im about to tell you the wrong way, i just want you to understand why we all worry with the decision you've made (hall pass).
Because you have a daughter, its important that you both work towards re-establishing the foundation of this relationship. Like it was mentioned before, you have absolutely every right to feel hurt over the way he treated you BUT if you want to get your family back together, you have to see past that in order to work on your relationship. This hall pass is giving you time apart that maybe you do need, but you are wanting to use it to scare him into thinking that you can leave him. That's going to cause him to feel insecure, and even though that's your goal, it will more than likely backfire when you do get back together. His behavior has caused you to also doubt him, and this hall pass will not help you in trusting him again. Again, because you have a daughter, its important that you actually work on getting this relationship back on track instead of causing you more problems down the road. If you feel comfortable having this time apart, that's fine but don't give him the opportunity of being single during this time. See it as a month of working through the problems, so that you can move in together again and continue a healthier family and relationship. Go out on dates again and express what you feel and what you would like your relationship to be like once you're back together, then let him do the same. Seek counseling now. There's nothing wrong with trying to fight for your family because everyone wants that. But don't let the feelings started by this problem get to you, because they will not lead you to anything good. We obviously care about you, and we would really like this relationship to work and head in a good direction and that's why we worry.
@perly & @ Jules i understand why everyone was worried about the hall pass. I'm going back home today. Neither one of us took the hall pass thing seriously and we both didn't do anything. We've decided to work out our problems and continue to be a happy family. I couldn't be happier. Thanks everyone for being there for me
@mommylovessparkle im so glad that everything is heading in a good direction Remember, continue to seek help and stick to it. Communication is key, and its always a working process to keep a good communication. Im sure that as long as both of you put in effort, your relationship will be very successful. Congratulations, and let us know how everything is going
Everything was going fine. He was working on his communication issues and on his days off we'd take the baby out so she can have a chance to see him well yesterday we took the baby out and since I'm not living at our house anymore i asked if he can take us there so i can get some more clothes.. well i see his phone on the table and took it just to see if he was staying loyal.. and now i found out he was texting that same girl again while we were out saying he's "so bored." And I also found out he's on a dating website!!!!!!!!! Well all i can say is i went crazy on him and walked out. He told me he was sorry and "just curious" but that's no excuse! He had no friends and made it on Tuesday.. the day he was "sleeping" all day and couldn't hang out with us until really late. I have to say since i broke up with him in the beginning I've been asked out more than i can count on two hands but I DIDN'T GO because i had respect for him and THOUGHT we are going to work through our problems. I seriously had ENOUGH of his little games! We won't EVER be together again! After how much I loved him and cared for him and would've done anything for him he treats me like shit. I'm done let another girl get shit on by dating him and i hate to sound cocky but let him TRY to get another girl that can top me. I'm done.
@mommylovessparkle im so sorry that things didn't work out as expected. He doesn't deserve you and maybe it is time to turn the page and continue your life. Again, im so sorry.
I'm just glad you found out before getting too much more involved. I'm sorry though, I know it's still painful. You have a lot to look forward to though & a bright future ahead.
sounds like he didn't learn the first time. I'm sorry u couldn't get ur family back and at least u tryed. screw him when ur ready they'll b someone out there for u ur baby daddy needs a reality check just like I said before.
@perly I'm sorry too. I just know for sure now that I have a better future because I know its not meant for me to be with him and some one better is waiting in the near future and will treat me the way i need to be treated. Thank you for being there for me.
@wilsomom i think so too i have much more to look forward too I'm just happy i didn't marry this guy. I'm going to put some things on craig'slist tonight to try and make some money because i only got a few bucks to my name and i hate taking money from my parents. Thank you for being there for me.
@roxy thank you for being there for me aswell. I know i tried and its all left on him. He screwed up his family not me. I know there's someone out there just waiting for me and will treat me like the princess should be treated as. Your right my ex needs a huge reality check and he's playing little kid games that i don't need in my life.
Soo sorry.:( I know it's still hard to deal with this even though it is what's best for you and your daughter. He really hasn't learned and has no desire to change. I'm glad you found out now before anymore time and emotions were put into it. My only advice now is since u told him why and how u feel and u two are done it would be best to not show any emotion to him from now on. When it comes to anything and if u ever feel him getting to u even if it's regarding your daughter just say your busy you will think about it. I'm saying this because us girls have hard time with this stuff emotionally and at first you start out by forcing not to care then u really don't and u will have an easier time focusing on what's best for you and one day will be able to have simple communication just about your daughter. This is important to make sure no strings are left attached and when your ready to see someone else you will be ready to focus and give what that person and u both deserve. I've seen the damage that can be done when starting new and old is still there sure creates unstable relationship and u don't need another one of those. The good part in all this now I'm sure your very capable of seeing signs of dishonest person and it's part of life to live and learn.
Well, i took the baby to see him these past couple days and basically I came up with a plan which worked EXTREMELY well. I acted as if i had a new boyfriend, i didn't tell him until later but i showed "signs." He quickly got the hint and then let everything spill. He told me that he is basically a wreck without me, the reason he was texting his co worker was because he knew it would get me jealous and he liked all the attention i was giving him about it, he said he even missed the arguments, the dating website was because needed someone to talk to about us that wasn't family or friends, he needed a "pregly" but he wasn't thinking he just did whatever he thought at the moment. he said you never know what you had until its gone. He was so heartbroken and you can tell he wasn't lying. He had nothing left to lose. He kept saying that I'm still his even though i had another "boyfriend." & that "Were going to soon get back together." Even the ways he told me he loved me, I can tell by his actions that he knows he messed up and wants me back. He still thinks that i have this "boyfriend" I'm not planning on telling him until everything is fixed between us. He had a major communication improvement. I mean a lot more went on because we were together all day for two days but this just sums it up. Now that i understand and he opened up to me I really just want him back. When we kissed it was almost magical & i haven't ever felt that with anyone else. I want what we used to have back again. I'm not going back that easy though. I'm still going to make him beg for me back and I'm putting my foot down I'm going to make sure he's not ever going to do anything like this again.
I don't want to be Debby Downer but in my opinion it sounds like nothing but excuses to me. I hate to be so negative because i can tell this is very important for you, but i would hate to see you get hurt a third time.
However, this is your family and your relationship, therefore its your call. You should do whatever you think is right for you and your daughter.
I REALLY hope I do not come off as being unsupportive but I'm going to tell it like if I was telling my best friend, which I have actually said this to before. It can basically be summed up with "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". You deserve to get all the support when going through a difficult situation like this but when a person keeps choosing to step back into the same trap there is only so much support other people are going to be willing to give.
I've told friends and family before, if you are going to keep coming crying to people about how this person hurts you and how you he keeps messing up but then you keep taking them back, just keep it to yourself because its going to get tiring and annoying and in the end you are the only one that is going to look bad.
I know that sounds bad but I mean it in the best intentions, I really do. You are really young and this is so common in young relationships but maybe with time you guys will both learn. Good luck.
The only reason i say that it sounds like nothing but excuses is because if you think about, he only says the right things (or at least what he wants you to hear so you'll go back) when he sees that you're leaving. When he actually has you, he doesn't seem to care. A relationship shouldn't be like that. Im not saying that he should be walking on egg shells when he's around you, but he should want to not hurt you. He should try to not hurt you. What a coincidence that he cares so much about you when you're not with him.
At least to me, as a woman, i want to be loved, appreciated and respected by my partner at all times... Not only when things are going wrong.
I agree this entire relationship is not healthy. For example I think his full of shit and even if he told the truth why would u waste ur time with someone so stupid and immature that he couldn't just talk things out but rather play games? Then things happen BC of his games and now ur playing a game. Just big mess of games not stable relationship. Sounds like he thinks the entire thing is joke and you following his foot steps and listening to his crap is just continuing the game. I think both of u have a lot of personal growth to do and if for any reason things bring you back down the road probably couple years when u both organize your personal lives then only then I would think about a relationship. That's just me though. Obviously this is your life and u have to do what u believe will make u happy. However I have to tell u I kinda got a good way at relationship stuff and in many situations I have been able to see what may happen with our friends or family and always happens. Our friends who dates for 5 years got married last year even when they got engaged I came home and told my husband that it's not gonna work they will get divorce just from the way they acted around each other and talked about each other although it wasn't negative talk it's just not normal. Well what do u know that marriage didn't last one year. IM strong believer unless things change some people are just not meant to be. In your case way more time and distance is needed. Otherwise you will continue have pretty much the same problems and you will continue bouncing back and forth. I just don't see what the rush is if two people really love each other then u can take lots time apart and continue growing as individuals, like I said b4 time will bring u back if it's love.
I agree with all of these ladies! Stop the games and be adults with each other! He's so full of shit if he told you he joined a dating site to talk about his marriage problems! Dating sites are for...DATING! No girl on there wants to hear a guy complain about his marriage problems! They want to find a guy to take them on a date!
^^^^all of this.....I'm sorry to say but I don't believe a word of what he said and I think you want so much for him to change that you'll believe anything he says. But honestly, why would you want someone who only seems to want you whenyoure not "available"? Sounds like a total cop out on his part. He knows exactly what he's doing. Wake up girl!!! You gotta be smarter than that!!
I'm rooting for u and ur family. I do want to warn u that it takes much longer to change then this BUT maybe he's really wanting to change for the better. How old is he? Just make sure to protect ur heart.
@perly, @excitedforOctober, @wilsomom, @jules@ashley_smashley , @starrxoxo9 i really appreciate everything you guys said. I need to hear that "tough love" kind of talk. I know other girls go threw this every day, it just sucks because i want to be with him and only him. I love him more than i can explain to any of you. Its so hard specially because we have a child. Were going to be in each others life for the rest of our lives. The pretend boyfriend thing in my opinion was not a game. It was to make him realize that he really lost me because he had it in his mind that I'd go right back no matter how much i told him i wouldn't.
Comments
Because you have a daughter, its important that you both work towards re-establishing the foundation of this relationship. Like it was mentioned before, you have absolutely every right to feel hurt over the way he treated you BUT if you want to get your family back together, you have to see past that in order to work on your relationship. This hall pass is giving you time apart that maybe you do need, but you are wanting to use it to scare him into thinking that you can leave him. That's going to cause him to feel insecure, and even though that's your goal, it will more than likely backfire when you do get back together. His behavior has caused you to also doubt him, and this hall pass will not help you in trusting him again. Again, because you have a daughter, its important that you actually work on getting this relationship back on track instead of causing you more problems down the road. If you feel comfortable having this time apart, that's fine but don't give him the opportunity of being single during this time. See it as a month of working through the problems, so that you can move in together again and continue a healthier family and relationship. Go out on dates again and express what you feel and what you would like your relationship to be like once you're back together, then let him do the same. Seek counseling now. There's nothing wrong with trying to fight for your family because everyone wants that. But don't let the feelings started by this problem get to you, because they will not lead you to anything good. We obviously care about you, and we would really like this relationship to work and head in a good direction and that's why we worry.
Think about it. (Sorry for the book)
Remember, continue to seek help and stick to it. Communication is key, and its always a working process to keep a good communication. Im sure that as long as both of you put in effort, your relationship will be very successful. Congratulations, and let us know how everything is going
@Jules @perly, @wilsomom,
Everything was going fine. He was working on his communication issues and on his days off we'd take the baby out so she can have a chance to see him well yesterday we took the baby out and since I'm not living at our house anymore i asked if he can take us there so i can get some more clothes.. well i see his phone on the table and took it just to see if he was staying loyal.. and now i found out he was texting that same girl again while we were out saying he's "so bored." And I also found out he's on a dating website!!!!!!!!! Well all i can say is i went crazy on him and walked out. He told me he was sorry and "just curious" but that's no excuse! He had no friends and made it on Tuesday.. the day he was "sleeping" all day and couldn't hang out with us until really late.
I have to say since i broke up with him in the beginning I've been asked out more than i can count on two hands but I DIDN'T GO because i had respect for him and THOUGHT we are going to work through our problems. I seriously had ENOUGH of his little games! We won't EVER be together again! After how much I loved him and cared for him and would've done anything for him he treats me like shit. I'm done let another girl get shit on by dating him and i hate to sound cocky but let him TRY to get another girl that can top me. I'm done.
@wilsomom i think so too i have much more to look forward too I'm just happy i didn't marry this guy. I'm going to put some things on craig'slist tonight to try and make some money because i only got a few bucks to my name and i hate taking money from my parents. Thank you for being there for me.
@roxy thank you for being there for me aswell. I know i tried and its all left on him. He screwed up his family not me. I know there's someone out there just waiting for me and will treat me like the princess should be treated as. Your right my ex needs a huge reality check and he's playing little kid games that i don't need in my life.
@wilsomom >:D<
@perly
@perly, @wilsomom, @jules, @excitedforoctober, @sands2, @roxy and whoever else i forgot.
Well, i took the baby to see him these past couple days and basically I came up with a plan which worked EXTREMELY well. I acted as if i had a new boyfriend, i didn't tell him until later but i showed "signs." He quickly got the hint and then let everything spill. He told me that he is basically a wreck without me, the reason he was texting his co worker was because he knew it would get me jealous and he liked all the attention i was giving him about it, he said he even missed the arguments, the dating website was because needed someone to talk to about us that wasn't family or friends, he needed a "pregly" but he wasn't thinking he just did whatever he thought at the moment. he said you never know what you had until its gone. He was so heartbroken and you can tell he wasn't lying. He had nothing left to lose. He kept saying that I'm still his even though i had another "boyfriend." & that "Were going to soon get back together." Even the ways he told me he loved me, I can tell by his actions that he knows he messed up and wants me back. He still thinks that i have this "boyfriend" I'm not planning on telling him until everything is fixed between us. He had a major communication improvement. I mean a lot more went on because we were together all day for two days but this just sums it up. Now that i understand and he opened up to me I really just want him back. When we kissed it was almost magical & i haven't ever felt that with anyone else. I want what we used to have back again. I'm not going back that easy though. I'm still going to make him beg for me back and I'm putting my foot down I'm going to make sure he's not ever going to do anything like this again.
However, this is your family and your relationship, therefore its your call. You should do whatever you think is right for you and your daughter.
I REALLY hope I do not come off as being unsupportive but I'm going to tell it like if I was telling my best friend, which I have actually said this to before. It can basically be summed up with "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". You deserve to get all the support when going through a difficult situation like this but when a person keeps choosing to step back into the same trap there is only so much support other people are going to be willing to give.
I've told friends and family before, if you are going to keep coming crying to people about how this person hurts you and how you he keeps messing up but then you keep taking them back, just keep it to yourself because its going to get tiring and annoying and in the end you are the only one that is going to look bad.
I know that sounds bad but I mean it in the best intentions, I really do. You are really young and this is so common in young relationships but maybe with time you guys will both learn. Good luck.
What a coincidence that he cares so much about you when you're not with him.
At least to me, as a woman, i want to be loved, appreciated and respected by my partner at all times... Not only when things are going wrong.
But like i said, its your call.